Sometimes it bubbles up, this emotion.
I am here.
Yet, I am still there.
A past I cannot rewrite.
The trauma is still etched across my face.
When we lock eyes, all my past doubts arise.
I’m taken a back, to my youth.
To a point before I knew my truth.
I don’t know how to be in your presence.
But I know it’s my not my fault.
Like a skunk in the night you subdued me. You took me in, all quivering sunkeness in tow.
With each passing breath I fell into you, as the freshly plowed snow.
The howling moon called our names, like fairies we frolicked with glee, as you called your nephew the sea. With each passing tree you introduced me to, me.
I’ll never forget my first time, I don’t mean to call you a hoe. But the more and more they dig into you, you only come continue to grow.
No judgment, no shame, you cast to me no blame. Thank you, oh thank you for the beautiful terrain.
It’s a shame how it happened, I don’t think I’ll ever forgive him, I don’t think I ever could.
How could he?! He knew how much I loved you, but couldn’t handle the terms of our relationship. My best friend, right?
Five years on and you’re still gone, but it feels like you’re here. I still feel you in everything from repotting our cherry blossom bonsai bushes to listening to our favorite song.
You remember right? The one about the River Styx...
I feel you all around. I need to move on, but, I can’t, we were so perfect together.
How could you leave me, why did he take you!?My best friend right!?
I can’t forget that night at the pier. He even helped me set it all up. That sick bastard!
I recall vividly the pungent anxiety that dripped from skin. The wobble in my stride,the tremble in my voice. All the sneaking around behind your back to send invitations, all the well wishes, and hopeful plans for our future.
We were supposed to be together forever, but he so gleefully took you away from me. My best friend right!!? At least that’s what I told you...
It was my selfishness that drove you away, away, forever.
I’ll never forgive him, and I’ll never forgive myself for not believing him. For not believing how much he loved me.
I’m sorry Sally, may you Rest In Peace, until we meet again.
I don’t know why I care, in my mind you’re always there.
This feeling I can’t escape, glares menacingly in my face.
I try to escape the rhyme, your heart is intertwined.
A love I cannot have because of your familiar past.
I can’t explain this feeling, lacking desire for sensual healing.
What I want to find most, is all and hollowed ghost.
At times we fuss and fight. Yet, you always endure my spite.
Regardless of the plight. You remain steadfast at my right.
You loved me so fiercely I burned, But there was no where to store our urn
In light of this recent spurn, I’ve given up on my turn
Perhaps time will tell. Yet, I still wish you all the well
