Crossing through the line of traffic that day was the best worst decision I’d ever made. My eyes met a divine queen who was seated at the front seat of her black Porsche or in other words, her throne. I stopped and glanced at her for three seconds hoping she’d recognize me but she payed no mind. I didn’t know this woman but I can tell you everything from looking at her. She had the most translucent personality by the way her silky hair fell on both sides of her face and the way she applied her cherry lip balm on while pounding a 2014 Rihanna song that flowed through her windows leaving the car. To her, she had probably ignored me a mere bystander crossing the traffic at that time but to me, I wondered if I’ll ever lay eyes on my queen again. The morning after, while standing on the pavement waiting to cross the street once again, my lady flew righht passed me, I uttered with the wind to send my words her way, “I know you my long awaited love.” Every morning after for three months, while on my way to work, I’d take the same route just to see her. And one day, she acknowledged me. She let me cross and I winked at her. The highlight of my day was when her cheeks pushed upwards blushing in reaction to my wink. Finally I was brave enough to get her number. And I did, or we did. We held up an unhealthy amount of traffic but in our moment of joy our eyes met and the angry drivers were at the back of our minds. A couple weeks later I sat in her passenger seat sharing coffee with her, making my way to work. Nothing had made me more elated, knowing the wait was worth while. A thousand dates of tasting her cherry lip balm we-

broke up.

And still she was worth the wait. We were soulmates but in a best friend type of way. She settled down had kid and got married, I attended all of her family events and became her kids godfather. We were good and helpful to each other, shared advice and lived peacefully with each other. I would go on to share my little love story with my friends.

Why do you infest my thoughts and words? Why influence bad decisions and actions?

Why turn humanity against each other and make little boys cause pain? Why deploy humans as your evil toys to destroy the land. Why poison the earth with darkness and bad wills, bullets and blood spills.

Is hatred and tears part of your love story? Was that your childhood imprinted on your heart and tattooed on that brain of yours.

Weren’t you a young boy too, hiding from violence and afraid of destructors ? Or did they make you how you are today , turned from knowing true humanity, this human race need a positive new face not red painted across the fields nor bombs smoking across the atmosphere.

So long farewell to the world that you’ve made

What happens when they hate you too

Will you seek love then or are you waiting to be convinced that good will exist and it can start with you

If you grew up in my orphanage you would know my story. This is the story of an ancient dolly that was a friend to everyone. At night I was cozy company but at daylight, a hairdresser’s client. I had many different styles being installed daily by little girls. Updos, short hair, buns and even bald. I rocked all styles and the girls and I shared a special type of confidence. They complimented me as their work of art and I made them feel good about themselves knowing that they were able to have a career as a hairstylist . Sometimes they relied on me as a mother or sister. We decided there was no need for parents or others, 14 of them and I made a family. Even though I wasn’t human, they included and made me feel alive. When they went outside to play, I had to stay indoors, away. That’s when I got to sleep, propped up on one’s bed steel. My purpose was to make them happy so I had been around for decades watching them grow, and go while new kids came in. I made many friends throughout the years and was popularly known as the comfort doll, a friend to all. I was brought to make those girls feel like anything was possible and convince them that this was Malibu but they refused to ignore the old food stains on the wall, the smell of the dirty mattresses and the slums that surrounded them.

That day I had left work early to collect my 4year old son from his fall art camp at kindergarten. At 3pm I found my self in my Blue Nissan note with the radio on medium tone, vibing to a country song. I relaxed in the traffic for some time while the sun boiled down and waited for the wardens to direct us to the best route. I made it 3:45 at Caden’s school and was greeted by Ms Garcia his teacher that did not mention Caden’s unmatchable talent I had never seen before. My footsteps made their way into his classroom and my eyes traced his hands onto his vibrant orange and yellow painting of fall. This discovery had me questioning if this four year old boy was my son. Caden had a profound painting skill, one similar to an experienced painter. The leaves in this painting had texture which brought it to live. It was perfectly crinkled and cut to mimic those that lay lifeless beneath Sycamore trees during fall season. I yelled to Ms Garcia and asked her if she had known how well he could paint and she said “ He must love fall”. Before I knew it he turned to me and said,“Daddy I want to be a painter”. I smiled cheek to cheek being able to see my son’s future through his painting.

Finallly !

This is what my thoughts look like today. The day has finally come where I can get away and go to another land. A land far from everyone I know, a land very far from home. Yes I would miss it but truly I can’t wait to go. I’ve been dreaming of a new start, a change of environment where I can restart my mindset and that day is finally here.

I made fast paced footsteps gliding forward to the plane steps and found my seat. I was ready for takeoff to be way above the clouds and miles away from here. Blood rushed adrenaline through my veins and I was again ready to begin my journey in a new place.

The atmosphere is filled with clean air it’s not like home everywhere is bright even at night, nothing like home. The reptiles don’t even look scary here. This must be what little boys dreams are like but for me it’s a little girl whose dreams are coming to life unexpectedly but thankfully so.

Everything’s easy to buy unlike in my country. There’s multitude and wealth it comes easily here. I’m happy to be in this position something I’m deserving of. For now I will live here and build myself to one day have my own. I can visit if I’m missing home but I can live in this dreamland that’s no place like home.

Soon this is what I’ll experience, for now I must fulfill my final requirements.

For now my mind will be unhealthy and filled, a lot to complete and worry about. Things to hear what I don’t want but I have to cope for now until I begin my well awaited journey my life here isn’t over.

Happy endings are possible with patience but consistency is key and for now this is what I must be.

My little brain dump— emptied.

Months await me but will I miss home?

You tricked me. No miss I-. You said i was made for this fairy life, you lied. Miss you have to practice it takes time. Oh no, I’m not doing anymore magic. Last time I tried, I had to live upside down for a week. You’re the only one who can save the village from ruins. The Ogor will come again and when he does he’s going to make us miserable, you’re our only hope please. I’ve got a plan, but we must make haste. We are going to destroy Ogor-Land. At the break of midnight, I’ll cast a spell. Forty fairies will become trolls and we’ll invade Ogor land. Gather the army now! That night, fairy-Ella tried turning the fairies but it did not go as anticipated. Instead they became great white whales and she had no spells to transform them . The village suffered a great lost and it was crushed by the cruel forest ogors. The fairies were helpless and one by one expired until their kind was no longer visible. As for fairy Ella, she ran away. No one know where she went or if she was alive still. And that day it ended after the flood rushed in the forest Both Ogor and fairies were washed away. There are no happy endings….

I want to go home. She uttered in pain.

I didn’t know then what she meant but now I do. Now I know and I remembered.

If I had known I would have been there. By your side, holding your hand. Helping you to be brave , to realize your strength and all that you are.

I want to go home. She continued.

I thought you wanted to stay with me as I did you. But I know now you wanted the pain to end.

I know now you couldn’t deal with the illness anymore, you felt paper thin weak, like everything was being drained from your body, an inescapable pain.

I was the happiest to see you but you weren’t having a good time you just wanted to leave

I know. I know. Now I know

I didn’t know the pain you felt and I still don’t.

But I know how hard it was, the pain of saying goodbye….

Why is the sky darkening? Why are the white clouds disappearing? Where has the sun gone to hide ?

Why is the ground dampening? Oh, you think it’s with water and those little precious raindrops, but no it’s with splatters of blood that’s sharing.

I too thought it was thunders and heavenly Roaring but it was another chaotic bombing. It was a blood bath typhoon where everyone was being swept in and dismantled by mafias and little boys trained by gunmen.

Why are we against the government? We know nothing of those political systems or what it is like to rule a country. To actually rule a country with rules and laws not with gun fearing cause. With unity in communities Not with Gangsters in rivalry. Not with elders being caught up in cross fires between unstable societies.

I no longer want to call this my country.

I don’t belong here.

I disown this way of life.

Do you think it is right?

Is this the life you want for your child? Is this right for a child? Young death, are you dead yet or can you change your life.

You only have one chance to make everything right. When it’s over there is no return. Consider what not choosing violence would look like. Now tell me which one looks like a better life.

Now silence the echoing gunfire.

Can you smell those white toasted coffee beans whipped and churned in that vanilla cream? Drizzled with caramel syrup and served to their tastebuds liking. Even the cinnamon coated ice cream which often makes my heart gleam. “Ahhhh!” I can’t get enough of it. I can taste the cafe from miles away especially on a rainy day. The fluttering wind blows the aroma as it travels through the light raindrops. From small little Hinesville it’s all in the atmosphere making life feel creamy dreamy. They always top their caffeinated drinks with marshmallow fluff and balance the sweetness with pure cane sugar. Their interior is brown and stuffed with memory foam pillows it’s monochrome vanilla. I wish my bedroom could look like that, then I’d get the coziest sleep.