I breathe the solemn stillness of the air between us, It slithers in my chest, Away from the frivolous, A momentary arrest.
You think my eyes are on the ground, My face carved on the pavement, Because it keeps your head bowed, Your attempts of my effacement.
My screaming dwarfed by the distance, Out of sight, out of mind, I have seen the rage of resentment, But am not familiar with this kind.
I hear them ringing in my ears, I know the words you do not say, Beneath the surface the whisper, Beneath, But not far away.
The sweet scent of bubblegum is what arouses my awakening.The soft and cooling scent wafts gently into my nose and as I open my eyes slowly The dim lights and warm orange of what i assume are flames of a fireplace fill my sight. Strange, i did not remember coming here. The room is warm and small, wooden walls surrounding me and small neat furniture meticulously positioned in front of me. My head is pounding, I try to sit up but the instant heaviness encourages me to rest them down again on the soft pillow. My head feels like it is filled with water. Too large for my small frame.
I examine the furniture before me, a large green sofa, a coffee table with white roses in a glass vase filled with clear water, a furry rug at the base of the sofa and a large window, with green curtains drawn around it.
The setting looked familiar.. like somewhere I had perhaps been before. Some strange dream perhaps? The soft pattering of rain lulls my senses and the warmth of the room invite my tired brain to abandon sleuthing and rest a little longer where I lay. No..I should stand up and explore this eery, cosy cabin, I should open the curtains and let light into this sweet scented haven. I should—
When I come to again, it is at a gentle shake of my leg. My eyes open instinctively and my breath hitches in my throat as a familiar face peers, bright blue eyes, even in this dim room, gazing at me. His dark hair and beard seem to connect to form a strange round frame of his gaunt face. His skin is pale and soft and his expression, excitement? Is plastered desperately on his face.
“How did you-?” My voice croaks, betraying my fear.
“Shhh shhh” he coos, his eyebrows momentarily furrow as the coolness of the back of his hands touch my forehead.
“No- no.. you cant be here” I shudder at his touch, recoiling noticeably.
What the hell was he doing out?
“Do you like it? “ he ignores, raising two arms to gesture at the room.
“Chemistry class, 3.04pm, november 11th, blue vest..you were playing on your laptop instead of listening” he smirks “ you were making something on what was it called again? The pin website?”
My heart drops to my stomach and I taste acid in the back of my throat. My eyes must have opened in shock. This wasnt happening.
“You said that, if you could stay in this type of room, the green ikea sofa set, the bubble gum candle from Rituals, the exact fur rug from—-“
I tune out to what he is saying. My heart rate pattering helplessly.
“You said…” his bright eyes gleam with excitement as he leans in “that you would never want to leave a room as cosy as that.”
“Johnathen-“
“And now you never will!” He squeals delightfully.
There exists no word, phrase nor symbol to encompass the sea of emotions that drown me in your presence. You are a great white, your waves pulling and lulling my mind with the sweet siren of whispered wishes. I float on your warm breath, a sole survivor on a measly raft buoyant on your surface. Your current drags me in a fated direction, right into the great hole of your mouth. Greedily you swallow just as I take deep lung-gasps of your love.
In uncharted waters I cease to exist, no more in the mapped mundane of the every-hour. You push at my sides as you pull me now from the surface and into you. The light fades with each second but I see you still. Your embrace at my waist, my legs, my chest. Crushing, cracking, caressing.
When the silence stretches And pressed lips line flat, When words are mumbled And she’s said this and he’s said that.
When the troubled wringing, The fearful flutters of a heart, So used to the loss and mayhem, Of when things fall apart.
When the familiar glances Become fogged with lies, Echos and Half truths, Of when trust dies.
The stringent acid of, An unsettled stomach, The cold lace of fingertips, The hot scald of havoc.
I search for you, Through and through, This can’t No not again
Who’s left to trust?
