rising in spite of where i’m from a southern belle and gay woman these roots not defining my self vowing to live this life honestly despite the south’s hold on me believing in love in truest form no matter how others may see hoping for change in my home

it all began when i was young the songstress of my slumber she sang to me in my dreams first a song of beauty and love then a song of terror and fear what once was oh so beautiful now frightens me in the dark left to her devices and mercy

the trajectory after rock bottom easy upward ride to the surface breathing in the fresh clean air circumstances will be changing fortune will finally smile at you quality of life can still transform our universe will take care of us feeding us from her own garden

neither created nor destroyed what happens to our energy when we pass from this life is it absorbed into the ground maybe seeped into the universe to be magically distributed or perhaps it follows our souls as a guide to the other side

i thought i needed a man in my life to guide me through every decision wondering why i wasn’t ever happy not realizing it was because of them who they were, what they represent how things have changed until now living my life happily with my wife not fretting over storms in teacups

my friends had been begging me for a seldom had girls’ night out i thought of tons of valid excuses knowing i wouldn’t hear the end an ultimate motivation to say yes we picked a bar that was close by within a walking distance for me half way when men grabbed me heels falling down to the ground shoving me quickly in the trunk cruising around for many hours not knowing what would occur on the end of a tragic night out

a recipe like no other before it ingredients of the highest caliber dash in a bit of salt and pepper allow to marinate to perfection stir in the fingers one at a time add in a few toes to your taste the muscles soon will be tender neighbors tastes best served hot

walking into the police station requesting to speak with a chief needing to report my husband living with long years of abuse describing what happened to me deciding to tell the whole truth admitting to what i did to him killing him for what he did to me

my door shut oh so tightly in case the monster comes hearing nightly screaming wails throughout the dark slamming against the wall where is my mom and dad i see my mom the next day the monster is moving out

i moved into my grandma’s house she only lived a block away it was the summer of my senior year and i needed a place to stay she made up her spare room for me a dresser and an old twin bed it was humble but it would suffice as a place to lay my head that first night i turned in early kicked my shoes off with a sigh but i couldn’t get any sleep at all because i could hear a baby cry the next morning i asked my grandma if there was a baby in the neighborhood her face went slack so suddenly as she said it was time i understood she said i was supposed to be a twin but my brother never made it out when my mother realized what happened all she could do was cry and shout opting out of going to the hospital my mother wanted control of her womb so she decided to have the babies at home right in my grandma’s spare room