“Come on it will be fun!”

“It won’t.”

“Yes it will, don’t be boring.”

Reason number 1: if you feel the need to get absolutely shit faced and snort half of Columbia on a night out to “have fun” then maybe you’re the boring one.

“Ugh. If I go out this once then I never have to again.”

“Fine, deal.”

Reason number 2: The Slug & Lettuce just gives me Love Island vibes. I don’t know why it just do...

For the last half a mile all I’ve heard is my dads voice. For someone that says he “doesn’t care about football” he’s managed to go through the entire Chelsea squad telling me whether the club should keep or sell the player.

“And then sterling, I mean what a useless muppet he is -“

Ah, we’re still on football. Cool.

“- passes when he should shoot, shoots when he should pass.”

Don’t get me wron...