Suddenly the ground is quaking beneath my feet My world turns upside down My heart shatters into a million pieces As I realize He’s really gone No coming back I’ll never see him again

my world is blue a dark, deep blue like the depths of the ocean or the deep blue of the night sky seemingly empty but full of sadness numb but feeling entire world built on lies blue blue blue

Once there were two girls in love. And while their love seemed eternal for a time, One girl changed for the worse. She grew mean, toxic and hateful Eventually The other girl confronted her they fought. The other girl ended up sobbing on the bed her heart breaking. After hearing the hateful girls poisonous words. She had left the other girl crying broken drowning in her sorrows being left yet again and once again her world came crashing down on her

I have spent My whole life Searching for the answer To my lifelong question Never ending, I will never stop Searching Until I find The answer Every time I draw near It evades me Always just Out of reach I’m trapped In an Endless Loop

I can’t see anything. All there is, is infinite space. Infinite darkness. Nothing to hear, touch, taste, see, or smell. All five sense are proven useless in the emptiness of my world. But today is different, the stuff I seem to breathe, it feels different. Not good, or bad. Just different. I have a feeling something’s going to happen. Whatever it is, it will change my life. I can only hope it changes for the better. I do not know what I am, or even what I look like. I can hardly move, so I don’t know what body I might have. Maybe I don’t have anything, maybe breathing is just imagination, and all I am, is a consciousness somehow surviving in this bleak existence in a dark universe. I do wish something would change. I hope it does today. The world seems brighter, but still pitch black. I can’t see anything, yet. Feelings of hope, wonder, and longing stir inside of me. Please let this world grow bright and happy. For with it, I would too. I continue thinking thoughts like these, for who knows how long. Until the tiniest speck of brightness appears in the distance. I want to cry for joy. It’s beautiful. And growing. I’ll finally have something of my own. I’ll have a life that’s not miserable. The light is growing nearer now, I can’t wait for it to reach me. For it to envelope me in my new life. Oh, the things I’ll see, and… I’ll finally know what I am. I wonder what it’s like to touch, hear, smell, and taste. I long to know what it’s like. And soon, I’ll be able to experience it all for myself. The light is almost in front of me, it’s uncomfortably warm. But in my joyous, wondrous state, I don’t notice. It come even nearer. It’s right in front of me. I stare at the yellow-white orb, and start to fear it. This new world, it’ll mean so much, everything I ever knew will be ripped away. I’ll be like a newborn baby. Relearning everything, exploring everything. I can’t wait. This new world, it’s the start of my life. As the darkness recedes, and the light envelopes me, I will be reborn. The light overtakes me, but instead of starting anew, I fade away. The heat is too much. It burns. My insides feel like they are boiling up. Slowly Slowly Slowly I disintegrate into nothingness.

I sit back and wait for her answer she remains silent forcing me to think and worry about her unreadable face and pick away at my fingers and procrastinate saying something else and overthinking her response and wonder if she loves me back and wish she would and hope for a future with her and fight against running away and longing to hold her and to touch her and to be with her and I could go on all day I finally confessed after years of waiting after years with a burden heavy on my shoulders she doesn’t seem to love me she would’ve answered she wouldn’t be staring at me with that blank face leaving me vulnerable and afraid and terrified and about to burst into tears and all I want is an answer and now I wonder if I’ll ever get one will it be spoken aloud? or will it remain a secret with me never quite knowing what she was really thinking she searches my face opens her mouth then closes it anticipation lurches my stomach and right when I’m finally ready to leave she answers

sometimes, you’ll be sitting in a room full of people talking laughing having fun joking around good friends hanging out full of hope and then that one person ruins it all they decide to make an unnecessary comment or asking a derogatory question or making an unkind joke and the room falls silent you sit there waiting for something anything to restore the room back to what it was before you sit in the dreadful silence waiting for the awkwardness to end waiting for someone to stand up for the others waiting for an apology from the wrong doer to scared to say anything else waiting for the courage to to something yourself waiting for anything to help everyone forget that it ever happened waiting waiting waiting

Today I am grateful For the little things For the chance to lay in my bed and sleep To lay around all day, one last day, and do whatever I want for a family I love Who loves me For pets who love me And of course, for the books I read and grow from daily

I pick up my old pencil And start to write I weave words together In a way that even the most skilled Little spider Would be quite impressed I describe and detail Every little thing I tell a tale of woe and revenge Of sadness and joy Of hatred and love And on these pages These old, cracking pages I write about life And about death

Yeahhh, sorry I don’t have many good ideas for this one.

I’m done listening to him babble, trying to come up with something to make me move on for good. For all the talking he does, he really is stupid. “Just stop.” He halts mid-sentence, looking at me confused.” “You asked for a reason. I’m giving many.” “Those aren’t reasons. Those are what you think are justifications for your actions. She did nothing to you, ever. Why the hell would you make her feel the way she does? She was wonderful to you. You weren’t even drunk. Perfectly sober, you get mad at nothing and decide to punch her. Sober, you decide that she’s not worth anything, that she’s just another little pig. And sober, you decide to tell her that, and many more profanities. Well guess what? Paybacks a -“ He interrupts me mid-sentence. “What does that mean?! What are you going to do?!” He steps away from me, but unfortunately for him, I had positioned myself so that he was facing with his back to the cliff and my in front of him. He slipped, but didn’t fall. Yet. “Wait, you’re… you’re not gonna kill me, right? I didn’t do anything to you! I could get you money, I could get you anything you want! Please don’t do this. I’m begging you.” He went pale after he slipped. his eyes are darting are kind, looking for an escape. “Really?! What could you get me?!” I smile falsely. He looks relieved. “What do you want?” “I want… Hazel to be happy. To be unscarred. To not have the emotional damage you gave her. To trust herself. To freely love like she once did. To love herself again. However, I don’t think you can get me that.” I step closer to him. “Please, don’t. I did love her, I made mistakes, but this won’t help her! Please!” I look behind him once again, to the beautiful stars. I see the big and little dipper. I love the glittering of the stars. It’s so beautiful. “On the contrary actually. I believe it will.” I smile. I step even closer. “No, no, no, no, no. Please! I can fix this! I can help her! Please! I can -“ He broke into a scream as I tapped his chest just hard enough to force him back. I didn’t use my bare finger, no, I had worn gloves. No one knew I came out here with him, they thought he was going alone. They thought I was at home sick with the flu all week. I had to ‘cancel’ on him last minute. Now, all I have to do, is clear the evidence. Make it look accidental. They won’t catch me, trust me.