Looking up at me, To be, you and I were meant A love made to last
Although not an easy task My child, you were heaven sent

I must admit I couldn’t see myself ending the future I had planned with you,
not yet ready for something new

In the midst of past trauma and sudden transgression, I never thought one day I’d be preparing this confession

You put a spell on me, hypnotized, I let the darkness of your energy consume the hell out of me

You loss me mentally before I’d chosen to give my body away You made it easy, nothing else left there for me to stay

Held firmly, wrapped in strong arms showed me true masculinity, Able to be vulnerable in peace, almost like losing love’s virginity

Before opening my mind and giving my body to someone else, I indecisively thought of you, but for once, selfishly chose myself

I wish I could say it gets easier, that I knew it wouldn’t last forever But that’s the thing about grief, no one knows its frequency It just is.. It lives with you, within you Beneath the surface at times, day to day passing by as it painfully weeps out with tears, you never meant to cry I wish I could promise that it’ll soon go away. They say time heals all.. If that were true why does grief hit you harder each day? Like life’s rollercoaster ascending slowly, you begin to feel at ease again until you reach its peak.. That’s grief, back so sudden, uncontrollably forcing you back down until you’re weak. Enough to remember it never gets easier, we just learn to deal. We learn to heal.

I’m sorry that you did not get to finish what you started, held back by weight that was not your own to carry.

I’m sorry that instead of following your dreams, you loss sight and only focused on the superficial things.

And don’t get me wrong, those things are nice but what good is done if they can’t bring a lost soul back to life?

I’m sorry that you think it’s too late. Too late to start over and apply all you’ve learned through past mistakes.

One day you’ll wake up early enough, to see that the women in your family lacked tools that come naturally to you. At a disadvantage you had to teach yourself. All resilience and grace aside, you did deserve better. But there’s no savior, you have to give it to yourself.