I’ve been here, in this eerie waiting room lightly polluted with coarse leather seats for what’s felt like aeons.

My nerves rise with anticipation each hour, fabricating scenarios that I wished were pipe dreams.

No sound of rigid wheels on hospital beds squeaking down the hall. No sight of the worn cyan scrubs lightly splattered with blood. My mind escapes to wreak havoc amongst my peace.

Despite this, the silence remains

My leg moves on its own. Up…down…up..down.up.down.up down.

And suddenly it’s the only sound that echos the desolate hall.

It helps for a moment.

Until the scent of disinfectant plagues my sinuses.

Until the sight of the never-ending white walls fails to focus my eyes and before I know it my stomach is weak and I feel light-headed.

How long till your voice plagues these halls?

How long till my tears plague these halls?

White teeth ? A sign of consistency. The one for forever.

Yellow teeth? The start of the end. I’m not so sure anymore.

Black teeth? A sign that they have ran its course. It’s over.

Orange teeth? A citrus smile to replace the ones I’m starting to think I don’t really need.

Rome Is where we first met, Melanie I just had to know where you’d go next,

Trinity remember my name , Greece is really lonely so don’t shy away ,

Kanye can we listen to him next , Father stretch my hands makes me want to connect ,

Rome is where we last met Melanie I just have to know when we’ll meet next .

Something isn’t right.

My eyelids shoot open but I don’t make an effort to move. The sun is beaming through the cracks of the oak tree accompanied by a warm breeze. It felt like it should have been a perfect morning but the feeling was evanescent as an ineffable wave of emotion overtook my mind.

I make my way to a seat, in which I am reminded of the body that laid to rest beside me all those nights before. Her hand wraps loosely around my torso while she fills the room with what was once harmonic snores. But today they meet my ears in a stertorous manner.

I shuffle away from the erstwhile comfort of the the bed hoping that she doesn’t awaken. But my prayers are not answered as she stirs her way up , and I am met with eyes full of love that shouldn’t have been aimed at mine.

“Good morning my love.” her vapid voice echos through the room and wave of guilt crashes over me. What should have been a phrase I loved hearing became one I suddenly found discomfort in.

I put on a mendacious facade and smiled softly in response.

The covers slide down her scanty frame revealing a pristine white night dress that glistened in the sunlight. Her untamed strawberry blonde hair rested on her jade green wings as she stretched her thin arms above .A sight like this should have been heavenly to any man, but I turned away knowing that this sight was not mine to witness.

I make my way for the bedroom door wondering what had bought on this abnegation. But I’m taken out of thought by the sudden burst of excitement from a young little girl.

“Good morning daddy” she flies into my arms and I am startled for a second before embracing her into a warm hug.

“Good morning my sprout” I am finally graced with my first propitious feeling of the day and all seems to finally feel familiar.

She turns to meet my gaze with a face full of adoration of her father. And I couldn’t have felt happier with this genuine expression. But as I stare too long, her eyes began to bore into mine in that dull loving way that showered me with guilt .

I place her on the ground as an exorbitant stream of questions began to flood my hazy mind.

What is happening? Where is that familiar feeling when I look at my wife and kid? Why am I being bombarded with guilt when I look into their eyes?

A cold hand rests on my shoulder and as a I stare at my child before me. I don’t want to lift my head. I don’t want to preclude this undeserving pain a little longer until I can figure everything out. But as if she reads my mind she whispers softly into my ear.

“ it’s worn off hasn’t it?”

One of the many side effects of time travel had been the risk of constant traveling;a peripatetic nature that I could say was forced onto me.You were never sure when you would end up and how long you would stay. So I never really did enjoy the moments,in fear of becoming to attached and longing to be able to go back to them.

However there’s a time when one must face their fear and for me it was now. Usually I would feel the slight calming breeze of nature or I would smell the putrid air of villages who were yet to discover sewage systems. My personal favourite was the rare occasion I would feel the comfort of a snug duvet that enveloped me. But I didn’t experience any of these things for I simply just couldn’t.I was a measly observer this time to what looked like a void.

To say it was dark was an understatement for it was pitch black.I could only imagine an accurate description could come from a child who was terrified by the dark. I couldn’t say there was nothing because though I couldn’t feel at all , somehow this was the most liberating feeling I had felt in my entire life span. Freedom like this could only be felt by a man who had become blithe in a world full of restrictions and rules . Had I died?

A bright gold light pierced the darkness travelling at…well the speed of light. Travelling in a direction unknown with no way of indicating north or south.It was a beam made up of many shades of thin gold beams determined to reach a destination they must have yearned their whole lives for.It was truly a sight only gods could witness.

Not long after,a large spiral structure began to move around this beam. It was accompanied by halo like sounds ,the pitch varying in waves and becoming more stronger as each wave passes. It must have been loud as I could see the audio waves emit from the structure in a pattern similar to a weak acid trip.Though I would’ve loved to feel these objects I think it was safer to observe,which was just as fulfilling.

Suddenly large explosions of colourful aura and debris took place miraculously and traveled along the spiral form. With each explosion the stream became thicker and thicker with debris transforming into meteoroids and meteoroids transforming into asteroids.Aura began to weave in between these forms as if it was trying to to build them all together.But into what ?

And in that moment I knew when I was. I was at the beginning of time. The Big Bang.

An explosion of universal scale had taken place emitting the purest forms of colours and lights on one end of the beam.Visual sound waves pulsed through the darkness as the event began to grow in size creating what seemed to be a planet.It was wrapped in aura but it wasn’t strong enough to hide the enchanting site of asteroids molding together to create what would be known to me as earth.

Colours of shamrock green and azure blue aura began to overlay the growing sphere like a uv map.Debris collided into the structure creating textured surfaces of mountains and land to concave terrain where water is yet to fill. It was truly an ethereal site,something I wish even my worst enemy could’ve seen .

I couldn’t say how long this process took as I couldn’t exactly make our just how fast these structures were traveling. To be honest I couldn’t even tell you how they formed they kind of just seems to appear spontaneously. But why did it matter how long it took? It was amazing enough seeing the process in the moment.

Before I knew it a final layer of aura came to rest on the gigantic ball.It filled the thirsty hollow lands with the ocean and formed countless soft clouds in the sky.This was the earth in its purest of forms; untouched by greedy human hands and free from wildlife.

I tried my hardest to move towards the fresh planet but to no avail I was unsuccessful. Despite this failed attempt I didn’t feel frustrated or despair , I felt nothing .This was when I had come face to face with my greatest fear . I wanted to remain here liberated from feeling and change. But as if a force of evil had heard my wishes I was instantly forced to another time period.