Burning Seething Flames of Despair

It clenches my heart A vice tightening With every Beat

I wish for better days For better yesterdays And it feels I come up Empty

Forlorn I punch the fridge Cause it’s the only thing that makes me feel alive And it’s the only things my fleshy hands can’t break

Choking on Smoke Pouring out of every orifice I wish I could extinguish

Burning Seething Flames of Desire

My heart bleeds Many a drip drop Directly caused by him Lust

The skin of my lover I wish I could wrap him around me Like a coat Protecting me from the cold harshness of reality

The touch By someone who cares about me Who knows me It sets me on fire

Choking on Smoke It pours out of every orifice I will always fan this flame

Burning Seething Flames of Disgust

My heart lurches I hear someone speak Hate And my chest fills with it too

My community My identity Is certain folks’ Worst nightmare

And I am a nightmare I don’t subscribe to rules that don’t align With my morals With my values

Choking on Smoke Pouring out of every orifice This spark of shame won’t be snuffed out

Burning Seething Flames of Determination

My heart fights To keep chuggin on To keep my blood moving To keep me going

I’m like a cockroach I just can’t seem to die And on the other side I’m so fucking thankful

To be here To be present To be myself To be alive

Choking on Smoke Pouring out of every orifice The light of this flame shows me the way to hope

What to do when The choices are endless The possibilities even more so It can be paralyzing if you let it

But I don’t Let it I mean My choices are often quick My gut being the north star

But sometimes my gut is wrong And I take back my choices One thing that’s beautiful Is you can always choose to choose again

Sometimes though I ponder And ponder And ponder

When my gut can’t choose for me When I can’t lean on my heart But instead must access my rational mind That’s when my choices scare me

I check in With friends Family My therapist

My reality Is often so distorted Like a gnarled little tree Curling unnaturally to try to reach the sun

So when I have to be rational And look inward for that rationale I feel sick I don’t trust myself

If my gut is my compass My wise mind is the magnet Causing me to doubt Everything

Thank god for my gut And I’m working Hard On training my wise mind to be true

The butterfly effect scares me Because what if I make the wrong choice But I rarely regret my choices Because we always end up

Exactly Where We Are Meant To Be

Sticky Darkness My mind loud The thoughts

Racing Through my past Present Future

My life flashing before my eyes Though I’m not quite at death’s door But the silence It hurts worse than death

I try to drown it out Music Tv Conversation

But in all these There is still a Moment Of silence

A moment of silence For the People, places, things I’ve lost

Along the road Treacherous as the pilgrammage Led by Moses himself I am leaving the life I knew in search of better

And it takes faith Which has always been hard for me And it takes courage Which I have in droves

Sick to my stomach No matter what I do I can’t outrun The silence

When a joke doesn’t land When my opinion is alone When my story is too much It lingers heavy in the space between me and you

I fall asleep with my ipad on blast Music Tv Soundscapes to ease the

Loneliness I hate being alone with myself The thoughts in my head Not bringing solace but

Despair When I’m alone once again When I submerge my head in the bathtub When she took her last breath

I must trek on Knowing that my foe Is waiting for its chance To rear its ugly head

Silence is my enemy I choose to overstimulate myself In the search For peace