To be entirely honest with you,

It was a while ago.

I know i should've been honest

But growing up taught me my feelings weren't important.

My fuse ignited longer ago

Than i care to admit

And for that i am sorry.

I was burning head to toe,

For too long.

Every inch of my skin took the pain that the tiny trailling spark caused.

That fuse line wrapped itself around my neck till i couldnt breathe anymore

And i should've told you

Because if i hadn't tried to wait it out

If i hadn't hope that it would burn out

It would've spared our

Impending destruction.

Our beautifully tragic end.

Started out strong Didnt we

Time files And love dies

Its undeniable

We loved And laughed You watched me cry

Once was enough Twice hurt too much And after three It just wasnt meant to be

Your first real love Is destined to be one To burn the worst

Although we've parted ways And its sour as citric acid

Our tongues are raw And cracked And bleeding

I screamed and shouted Begged and pleaded

Now ive lost the words

All i can think and all i can say To you now

Is farewell,

My almost lover.

I have spent my whole life Loving others "too much" More than myself More than life

I have loved to hard too intensely too invasively

But i don't think i have i believe the real issue is that my love language goes far too under appreciated far too often

Shakespeare wrote with so much passion Just as Michelangelo painted

Everyone love the artists that loves too much and too hard and too intensely

Because an artist must spend hours painting or writing One person To the point that they lose themselves Completely enamoured With the beauty Of their subject

We appreciate it when it comes from an artist but clearly no one In the real world

Wants to be loved like an artist's muse

Those four walls weren't my own The paint ever so slightly A different shade of lonely.

The carpet a little more Worn down The closed door just a tad heavier More final than it should've been.

The air was colder Not by much But by enough to notice.

The dark creeped up a tiny bit Quieter than it should've done Encasing a bit too tightly.

My eyes don't register this place As home Or as safety Keeps my soul awake at night A little more on edge That it should be.

It didn't feel like reality but It was all becoming real.

the sound of running water soothes even the darkest corners of my withered soul.

caressed by the gentle touch of soap bubbles each single one tending to my broken skin.

breathing in a heavy steam that hangs in the air so delicately reguvinaging my rotting lungs.

the four walls of this wet room are the only ones that see me.

and i mean truly see me.

they've seen my scars and stretch marks my bruises and blisters my freckles and faded light my scratches and sullen eyes all of my imperfections and impurities.

the only place i feel safe just me and the water.

the water that holds me and envelopes me more tenderly than any lover could ever dream of doing.

nothing embraces me like running water i could never let anything touch me that way.

from all the years that i cried as my skin crawled and shook the running water melts away everything that weights my mind too far down.

the temperature runs cold now because my heart can't take the heat i may not be able to bare a hot shower anymore but now i sit on the white shower floor with watery arms wrapped around me i sit encased in in beautiful lukewarm water.

He did not confess to me. but he may as well have.

He did not look me in the eye and admit it. but he may as well have.

He did not say it out loud. but he may as well have.

He did not whisper it under his breath. but he may as well have.

He could not lie to me, not even a white one.

His lips read far too easily. His eyes darted far too quickly. His voice spoke far too fast.

And i may as well have been a priest. Sat behind a slotted screen in a church confessional.

Stargazing Never ending gazing.

Nights spent together Hiding from the weather.

Pupils fixed on the sky Not a single tear to cry.

Under the shine of the stars Rather than all those bars.

Cradled by the dark Lost in a childhood park.

Travelling all the stars in two Now I don't know what to do.

Looking from my window, The sky full of stars seems so dead and cold, A place once so magical now hurts to behold.

Dreams are a paradise A morning cup of tea Birthday candles A warm shower in the bitterness of winter Home cooked meals Hands held on romantic walks Autumn leaves falling orange Fresh linen scented Fluffy blankets and illusions.

Because when your eyes open again You find that nothing is really Sunshine and daisies.

The air stings Skys gone completely grey Suns no where to be found Even the grass looks a little less green The washing needs done And the sinks full of dishes Could do with running the hoover over Day to day is broken glass, Sandpaper on soft skin, And barbed wire

But even the reality of cracked glass, Shines the most beautiful colours When the light catches it just right And if you care to look long enough.

Those hazel eyes Gaze back into my own And time stops

The hands fall from the clock The birds stop singing The winds whistle fades

And all that is left Are those hazel eyes

They say the most beautiful things in nature Are the deadliest But those eyes looking back at me Hold an intangible amount of Of pure Unrefined beauty

And when the light catches them Just right They turn Like warm honey Like a double shot Of the smoothest whiskey They melt in the sun

They hold my eyes In a trance so poetic That everything else Anything else Becomes irrelevant

Time stands still and falls to your feet Over that pair Of angelically hazel eyes

They say As it pertains to Greek mythology

That humans were created with Two faces Four arms Four legs.

Two souls.

But the Gods grew fearful Of the complete humans Out of their fear We were all split Into two.

We were doomed by the Gods

To spend the rest of our lives Searching For our missing, other halves

For the Gods knew When intertwined with those lost Other halves We are too powerful Too complete Too whole.

The fury of the Gods Proves nothing more than Than even immortality Is terrified Of love.