Deep breath take up far more space than silence. They steal the air from your lung. Close the room around two shadowed forms. They make your skin heat up just enough to feel there skin almost ever so slightly touching yours. Never quite close enough. Our breaths make up more than a sentence. More than a promise. They make up a lie. A lie that we can stand her forever. A lie that we can be together. A lie that when we walk out those doors we can love each other no longer just in our minds. No more hidden touches, or secret glances. No more fighting this perturbing ache. I like our lie. And I like the silence. The silence is quiet. So that for once in my life I can finally breath. I can share with him my breath. For once I can stop. Just stop.
My dearest, Today the flowers did not bloom. They sit in a bud stuck to their home. I saw a child force one open breaking it’s petals apart as the remnants crumbled down to its feet below. The same flowers I used to give you. I feel they are hiding from me for a reason, yet the truth is I do not know if I can bare the look of it again. I would sooner blind myself to see it’s remnant blossoming. Sooner loose my smell than to even catch a whiff of what used to perfume my happiest memories. This flower is everything I know I can’t have with you, and everyone I morn. Leaving me the decision to greater burn the flowers existence of less myself to death knowing I can’t stand the thought of you not with me.
My love, Today the flowers did not bloom. I waited for them all day and night, ready to be blessed with its beauty, and the memories of you to sooner flood my mind. I remember the day you scavenged them for me. Picking the wildest a bouquet could get, of flowers straight from the earth. A new ritual to never show the cycle of death, replacing each petal the second they started to show wilt. I wilt. Today. Without you I wilt. My lungs grow weaker. My legs more numb, as the days grow together. The day taste had no flavor I knew you were gone. Come back to me my love. Give my life meaning again. Give me a sign you still think of me. I see you everyday in my mind, as I wait for you.
Dear grandma, Fathers starting to stair at the flowers again. I think mother’s flowers remind him to much of her, and not in a good way. He says she is still with us, and sometimes I think I hear her voice. I miss her but not as much as him. I think you should stay a few more nights after the funeral, watch the flowers bloom with him.
It came to me like snails come to a garden, ready to consume. I couldn’t sense it at first The icy chill I was numb to it’s cold as I have forever been stuck in it’s furry I didn’t see the signs Never ready for when it pummels me down Like a predator it attacks So sever I fall to the floor Legs crumbling against the pavement I could feel it sucking me away Clenching into myself I hug the fevered growl I was hungry
Opening the cupboard on a starstruck day. Windows open access to the spring breeze, Letting in the aroma of flowers and honeybees. The tea bags fresh and packed, Ready to stream into a world calamity. The pepper and salt adjacent in their honeymooned outlook. Citrused vinegars falling for the pacific oils over again waiting to be united out of site. The forgotten bandaids standing at attention to kiss the bruise away. Spices mixing in a melting pot together ready to dance with each other every night. A hidden valley of hopes and dreams, All the possibilities of ones flavor mixed with another. All the treasures hidden behind the cabinet doors.
Terrifying and endless. This spiral of darkness I’ve been whirl-winded into. The magic was a promise, and it kept. What no one told me is how devastating my sense would be. The day I met her, My world, Time stopped. The second she brushed my arm the wind was stolen from my lungs, and the seasons changed. The most beautiful women I had ever bestowed. Immediately she shone like a bright light, luminescent and transcendent. Her new found light a way to find me in my darkest places. I got mine as well. Although I didn’t understand at first. Each time I touched a person I was overwhelmed. The smell of the unknown overtook every sense for a split second. It took two weeks for me to put two and two together. We were walking on a street and bumped into a rig worker. He transported me into a world of burning oily tar. The smell so strong I almost passed out. Pretending to ignore it we kept walking, until we saw on the news a few hours later, that that man was pronounced DOS. There was an accidental soul on his oil rig. The guy next to him had a cigarette lit setting the rig aflame. He burned to death in those oily flames. I didn’t want to believe it until walked my baby niece back to her mom one day, and she smelt like chlorine. She drowned a week later in their pool. Everywhere I got, everything I touch, no matter who or where, I smell what surrounds their death. How do I tell the love of my life that I know how she’s going to die. How do I live, never wanting to touch again?
It was the worst kind of day to be lost and alone on a mountain. The birds are gone. They left long ago, With the breeze and the sunshine. I’m trapped in the shadows now, The summer heat trapping warmth in me through the night. Even though I’m lost in the wood the chill of the air is the last fear I have. The bits of ember flying into the sky from the lit logs do little to calm me, Emerging small lights in the shadows I want to hid. I see them, changing from their all four shape. Not a cougar, or a bear to fear in this grove, But those that can change to their feet. Their eyes are black and soul sucking. And just when they know you’re looking they change form. A bear takes shape turning into the men of the mountain. Ghosts that steal your soul with a look. And they steal anything they find.
Oh my gosh what was that? I can’t see anything. What the hell was that? What time is it? …… Wait freeze! What is that noise. Ok ok just stay wrapped, Don’t you dare move! Listen… Uh gosh what time is it? I can’t believe this is happening again. Come on just turn around to look at the clock…. No no I can’t do that. I have to stay still. Just stay still and every thing will be ok. Everything will go away. Just, Just go back to sleep. Nothing happened. It’s all in your head.
Other POV: Look at her. So gorgeous. Pretending to be asleep. I can practically hear her heart beating. Wait until she sees what I have waiting for her. After all I haven’t eaten in a while.
Raised to lift entire kingdoms and brought down every time. Do better. Be better. Lift your eyes, Never crack, Be the leader they need. The leader they need is not a beaten man. Not a wholistic ghost, Constantly wreaking of whiskey, Never able to hold a steady gaze. The leader they need is not this man, Has not always been this man. But when a fly across the seas flies around the wrong room people get hurt. And when important people get hurt Kingdoms crumble. When kingdoms crumble kings rush to patch the cracks. Weak and dripping putty patches the walls just enough to glaze over our family. No more gentle kisses, No more tender holds, Always working. Beaten and bruised, Be stronger, Be the leader, Be ready, And don’t ever underestimate a fly. Proud and dissolving in his thrown. A turned over crown allowing him to soon float up to the skies. You loved me so fiercely, Fire is in our bones you said, Use your strength so fierce that they all burn. Leave no doubt in your bath. Take the throne. Leave the flies to nothing but ash. Let their be flames.
I don’t know what to tell you, it was so fast and everything is scrambles up. I just remembered her coming at me with the knife. I ran so fast, but she caught up and pushed me into the wall. Glass shattered everywhere and the mirror stunned us both. I was in the ground when she pounded my head into the floor. I didn’t have time to think, and I just grabbed the glass. I guess it did the trick, but every time I think about how she was gonna gut me like laney I want to throw up. “Anna we didn’t mention anything about laney.”
