Four years of high school had taught Jamie one thing: video games were brain numbingly popular. To the point where all he’d collected over those years were shelves of discs and posters instead of grades and awards. Aside from the disappointment from teachers, his father never really showed an interest in his life and his mother wasn’t seen since he was five; he was free to so as he pleased.
Freedom felt like a breath of fresh air to majority of people on earth, but for Jamie it was like his own version of mother nature. Every day like clock work he’d wake up, attend school and pay minimal attention, come home and immerse himself in the screen for hours until his body screamed for the comfort of his mattress. On few occasions, he’d differ from his personal schedule to do other activities but he’d usually find these ended in him still being hands on with a controller.
But today was like every other day, he’d planned to use his free time to play the new release of ‘A Simulated Life’. He’d had every update of the game bookmarked and notified since it’s first official teaser got released. Every demo was favourited and every update flagged, finally it’s release was just after he finished school. Usually, he’d jump up and push for the day to be over as quick as he could so that he could throw himself into the cushion chair at home and slam the on button to his computer. But he just lay there, watching the ceiling above his bed illuminate as the sun burst through the blinds. No thoughts or need to rush filled his head, all he felt was numbness.
He questioned why the urge to jump at the thought of being one of the first to play the game on release day, having preordered to ensure he’d be able to play it as soon as the bell rang. His mind filled with white space, leaving all his queries unanswered. His phone lit up, Ty’s name filled the space. Swiping slowly to the green icon, he slowly sat up. “What’s up?”
“Release day, you ready?” Ty’s voice blasted through the tiny speakers. Ty had a low voice, yet he still blared it like he had no sense of volume control. He’d been friends with Jamie for a year and was the only person Jamie felt was acceptable. “Mum’s gone all day today, can’t wait to not leave my room.”
Jamie grunted, putting Ty on speaker so he could get himself ready. “Sure, can’t wait.”
“Uh… You alright?” Jamie hummed a yes. “Sure? You’re joking. You are the reason I’m even getting on this bandwagon.”
He yawned, “Yes. Just… I must’ve slept funny. Not feeling good right now.”
“Alright man. Well, see you soon. Get out your mood pronto.”
Beeping followed as Ty went silent. Jamie had picked out some clothes and was ready to spend his day slumping over desks.
Jamie was back home, finally ready to lose himself to the internet’s wonderful ability to create games yet again. He’d felt the same weirdness that he had this morning all day, hoping that getting in front of the screen would remove the thoughts attacking his brain. He needed something to kickstart his brain and he hopes that ‘A Simulated Life’ was the medication he was looking for. Ty had spent most the day hammering the excitement into him and he’d felt somewhat distant from the love for the game. He’d spent countless hours enjoying video games, every level and achievement filled him with ecstasy. Yet this felt different, it felt as if he’d grew bored and he couldn’t figure out why.
His father was slugged on the couch, snoring at the TV with a beer balanced in his arms. He nodded at the sight and banished himself to his room.
The computer lit up as he called its awakening to Alexa, watching it come to life. Almost instantly, ‘A Simulated Life’ loaded up and the start button was bold, begging for Jamie’s attention. He chucked his things onto his bed and slotted himself into the chair, watching the start screen beam. He wasn’t hesitating, he was just wandering why he had felt so empty all day and how the screen had instantly intrigued him. But now, having it sat in front of him sparked something in him back to life, as if his sorrows had been diminished in a blink of an eye.
Ignoring the pacing in his brain, he pressed start. The screen swiftly changed, bringing up a character information form. It asked you to fill in your own information, but nothing person like emails and addresses. Simply just name, age, estimated height and weight, and which country you lived in. The game was promoted as a get away for people and he intended for it to do just that. He filled everything in as quickly as he could and slammed the continue button.
‘Welcome to your new, Simulated Life’, the screen displayed. Jamie studied it as the loading circle appeared, thinking that the wording was a bit weird. But, it had only just been released from Beta and it was normal for their to be blips.
That was until the next screen loaded. He’d remembered there’s been terms to read on the information input screen, but who ever bothered with that. He was just realising why, when a camera showing live feedback of the full display of his room had appeared and he felt unable to look. He realised in a second that his body was not in the hands of his own, but someone else who knew his location. The computer went through series of information, grabbing every piece of information from his computer.
‘Welcome, Jamie Conrad. You will now enter YOUR Simulated Life.’
The real world as he knew it became warped and vanished, then the screen dragged him in and became his reality. It was no longer his own life.
After what felt like hours, Daisy and I finally pulled ourselves out from the lake and flopped onto the muddy banks. Dennis and Kylie were still swimming around, stopping every few seconds to embrace each other. I couldn’t tell if they were drunk from love or the empty bottles that scattered across the grass, but their laugher and words were sloppier with every second.
Daisy wrapped herself in her towel, walking to the bench opposite the banks. We had come here as our final get together before we headed university. Well, Kylie and I still had one year left of high school and Dennis was bound to end up back here after a year. Daisy was set on perusing her literature degree further and from the years I’d been her friend, I knew she wouldn’t give up without a fight. I followed her and sat beside her, leaning on her shoulder and reading the book she had pulled up on her phone.
She smiled and laid her head on mine. She was more than a friend to me and moments like these had made me constantly question if she felt the same. Crushing on a friend was never an easy path, especially when that friend had never said a word about her feelings towards anyone. She had one girlfriend back in ninth grade, but they broke it off within a month and Daisy never uttered a single word since. She always kept her crushes secret, even to us four who knew every small detail about Daisy’s personal adventures.
The others began splashing each other, turning both our attention to their antics. Daisy turned her phone off and slid it back into her bag, sitting up properly.
“So…” I awkwardly forced out of my mouth, draining the rest of the water from my hair. “You excited to be moving away next week?”
“Absolutely terrified,” she giggled, turning slightly and focusing on my face. Her lips were in a soft smile as she pushed her hair back. Daisy had always had long hair and usually wore plaits; however, she made a big decision to cut her hair just before lower than her shoulders and leave it untouched. It made her face shape seem softer and brought out her eyes slightly more, she looked perfect. “I guess that’s why I went with a few big changes in style to try and stop myself from freaking out, but I haven’t been able to stop this twisty feeling in my stomach since I finally got accepted to the flats.”
My cheeks burned, realising that she was leaving so soon and everything was changing. I wouldn’t have any chance to tell her and my words would be left behind. “Yeah, I guess that’s going to cause panic, but I know you. You’ll love it.”
Her smile widened, “I’m sure I will.” She watched the others momentarily before looking back to me. “Alice, know I will always be here for you. You will still get annoying messages every day.”
“Thank god, I can’t lose you completely.” I sighed. This was my big moment, my only chance. “I actually need to tell you something, before you run off and I lose the confidence to admit it.”
Her eyes softened along with her smile; I can’t tell if my nerves intensified or settled.
Anxiety bubbled up inside my stomach. “I have feelings for you.”
Daisy smiled then dropped her head, twiddling with her thumbs. “Alice, you know I love you unconditionally,” for a moment my heart lifted, “but, sadly your feelings are … unrequited. Not to sound all Shakespeare, but I don’t know how else to let you down and still tell you you’re my favourite person.”
I could feel my heart breaking into different pieces; on the other hand, she had been able to find the words to form temporary plasters over the cracks that had just formed.
“Sorry,” I let out a small croak.
“Aw, Alice.” She pulled me in for a hug. “I honestly feel bad, but I don’t ever want to lead you on. I actually was in your position a year ago and I was so embarrassed but she’s still one of my closest friends.”
I raised my eyebrows slightly, still feeling very fragile.
“Before Dennis, I had a small crush on Kylie.” She laughed, pulling away.
My heart felt complete again, everything felt normal and me and Alice were sat there laughing like there was no tomorrow. I felt embarrassed, however the moment felt normal.
It would take a while to get over it, but I still had Daisy.
The Kingdom of Phoenix had stood strong for over a hundred years, never challenged and never mistaken as weak. It’s walls and waters surrounding looked as fresh as its first brick was laid, withering was beyond the castle’s ability and instead it always looked lively. Every person who lived on the castle grounds danced and sang with love for their life; they all believed that the kingdom had made their lives flourish.
However, those who worked within knew the stress and hard work that had to go into keeping the kingdom a safe place to live. The amount of fighting that happened monthly was more than anyone could handle, but they kept it out of site so that others could live peacefully.
I had watched on the side lines and been inside these battles, nothing about them were peaceful. The dangerous clashing of kingdoms, the piles of bodies that lay on the grass and the blood shed which dressed the trees. It was a horrific sight compared to Phoenix’s grounds. Parts of me wish I had stayed sheltered away from all the impurities, but I knew I would’ve always ended up where I am today.
Stood outside Phoenix, watching the gates be swallowed up by the flames. Eating at every structure, every space and every wall; Phoenix was finally falling. As much as I wanted to shed a tear, I couldn’t; if I cried at the disaster unfolding in front of me, I’d be named a fool.
I had a part in its end. I had helped administer the fatal wounds to Phoenix’s structure. My body filled with a wicked feeling of joy watching the flames swarm what made my home, diminishing the remains of it. Whatever sadness I felt for the families grasping onto any boat available that hadn’t sparked yet had passed; I was happy with what I had helped create.
Lawrence slowly walked up to me, watching the horror unfold. His cruel grin filled his face, showing no mercy. “We’d better not hang around; someone is bound to blame us if we stand here smirking at the remains.” He was almost laughing at the description of the events. His eyes filled with glitter watching the flames dance in the wind, as if they had grown their own smirks.
My stomach sank, I knew I didn’t have the heart to fake being wrecked at the sight. If I didn’t go back to help, they’d grow suspicious of my whereabouts and I’d end up on a wanted list. But I couldn’t gather myself to return and pretend I had nothing to do with the disturbing scenes that had evolved today. “Let’s get going. Arthur will turn up soon and start beheading anyone who isn’t giving a proper alibi.” My lips formed a thin smile as I turned to the path, walking quickly with Lawrence back to the hidden base I was invited to not long ago.
“Why did you turn against them?” He questioned, stopping at the entrance to the small overgrown doorway. It opened to lead down to an underground base, but the vines and grass had stopped everyone from seeing what was held within. He pushed the door and took a few steps before watching me close the door. He somewhat trusted me, but he still had moments where he was skeptical of my intentions. “Weren’t you of high value to them or whatever?” He snickered, leading me into one of the studies. This was his own, filled with maps and plans of everything he had done or had yet to do. Lawrence wasn’t a scary man, he was a soft being at heart; however, I wouldn’t want to be on the other end of his knife because I had seen the lack of mercy he has when challenging anyone who crosses him.
I slumped myself into the velvet green sofa, facing the plans of the events today. Every spark and person involved had been sketched onto the blue paper, their next move was written beside in little words. My name was in red, beside the main room in the kingdom with Lawrence’s name in black. I was the only one in red, the only two colours he had used everywhere else was black and green. Wracking my brain for any reason I could come up with, it was useless. Something felt off, but I knew he was just taking precautions; he still saw me as a liability sometimes.
I looked him in the eye as he sat opposite me, smiling. “I spent my whole life in those walls. Every second of every day I worked my ass off to show what I could do. They only took me seriously when we found a hole in the wall that never got repaired properly, the one I told you about that helped you massively. It was only because they realised how absolutely useless half of their fighters were that I got offered a job. Yeah, I was one of their best - actually, I was their best - but they only cared to notice if their mistakes meant they were close to being fucked.” I lit a cigarette.
Lawrence’s eyes were still glued to mine, watching every move and twitch of my lips. “I saved them from their last battle and all I got was a thank you, not even a promotion. Then, I realised something quite funny.” I paused, inhaling and taking a moment to enjoy the sensation that ran within me. “They were going to fall if we all decided to give up. They don’t have a clue how to run their kingdom and they don’t deserve to have such a prestige reputation if they rely one those who get nothing back.”
I smirked, wickedness taking control of me. “I wanted them to face what would happen without us, I wanted them to fall. I needed them to know how much they needed us. I wanted them to crumble and never get back up.”
Lawrence stayed absolutely silent.
It’s just water, they all shout.
It’s going to be fun, they all laugh.
You’re being silly, they all snarl.
They’re going about their day, getting undressed into costumes and preparing to jump into the depths of the unknown. All of them were careless, running wild across the cliff tops and launch themselves into the pit of darkness that roared beneath.
As I watched the last of them stumble up to the edge, my breath hitched in my throat. I couldn’t fathom my next move, but everything within me was screaming against it. My body temperature may have been standard, but I was deathly cold inside.
The world went dark and cold, the screeching of waves erupted in the distance. My body froze and every limb went numb. I couldn’t face it yet I couldn’t run away.
I could hear the whispers from the clashing of waves; ‘we won’t hurt you’ it sings, licking the cliffs, ‘we want to have fun!’
The voice is haunting me, dancing around me whilst it chants for me to enter its body. I don’t have time to think or fight against its begging, it’s a constant ache in my brain that never gives up.
I begin to snap back into reality, looking around frantically in hope that everyone had passed the need to swim. I heard laughter from the bottom, everyones clothes still pilled up on the side of the cliff.
“You alright, Danny?” Leah pats my back, followed by Imogen. They were smiling innocently, unaffected by the dangerous war below. “Come on, jump with us!”
They beckoned me forward, stripping from the clothing to reveal bikinis. Bare skin exposed, ready to brace themselves against the clash with the water. They seemed so carefree, as if their brain hadn’t registered the absolute danger which was about to swallow them whole.
Imogen was talking about something with Leah, but I couldn’t focus. All that ran round my head was what would happen once I go into the water. Before I could come back to the present, Imogen had helped me remove my top. I was bare and defenceless from the world below.
Each of them held my hands, one on each side. This was it, my life was ending. I was about to plummet to the end of my world and never come back up. Every worry was at the front of my head, every story of kids drowning and disappearing from these cliffs.
It was all about to be over, every happy memory. Sweat drenched my forehead, dripping from my chin to my chest.
“Let’s go.” Imogen shouted, laughing.
We were a few steps from the cliffs edge, both of them ready to run. I couldn’t breathe properly, panic submerged my whole body.
Leah smiled at me one last time, beginning her jog to the cliff. She screams the words ‘summer’ and jumps from the edge. Imogen follows and, reluctantly, so do I.
It’s over.
“Liv, you finishing up yet?” Pete shouted from the door, hovering around to lock up.
He’d owned this studio about 10 years and was still the only one with a key, despite the four other artists he allowed inside. Once, I nearly convinced him to give me the spare, but he failed to find it in his bag and he never mentioned the conversation again. So, no matter how long I needed, we had to finish when he said.
My painting was still only a few hours from done, a few more brush strokes and I could finally work out what needs to be adjusted. “It’s only two in the afternoon, you’re meant to be open until five.” I shout back, heading into the main room. “I’m willing to beg, I need to finish today. This woman isn’t just in my head anymore.”
“She’s not real, she never will be. Painting what your head tells you to won’t bring her to life.” Pete scoffed, slumping against the wall.
He was right, painting something didn’t mean it was a real, but something about my painting felt more than a fantasy. I’d dreamt of this woman, that she would be important someday. Memory isn’t meant to last a lifetime, but in my twenty years on earth, I’d spent almost half of it with her face on my mind. From each year since seeing her in my dreams, I’d painted her portrait at least once. She would also be painted in works that involved people, even when I didn’t intend to.
It felt like, somehow, I knew her. I had no idea if she was actually real, or if I’d created her in my head and just felt connected in some way. But I was determined to put the reality or fantasy debate to rest.
“Look, Liv, the studio is open from seven til’ ten tonight. You must be there, well-rested.” He grabbed my bag from the hanger and held it out. “You can continue tomorrow, now let’s go.”
Pete was never going to give in to my constant pushing, but I didn’t intend to give up trying. My frame sunk and I joined him by the door.
Gallery viewings were never a favourite of mine and Pete never wanted to hire one out, so instead he would hold his own in the studio. Tickets cost $30 and only 100 were available, all time slotted as well. He oversold it once and no one was able to move. It was the only nights I’d ever see him wearing a suit. He would demand I dress up nice and even take me to shops to ensure I looked the part. One of the guys last near rocked up in a tracksuit and he was never seen again, Pete refused us from mentioning him.
“Brilliant turn out tonight, I’ve already sold half of my goal.” Pete chimed, checking the notes in his hands. “Any luck?”
Like every year, I’d done pretty well for myself and reached three-fourths of my goal. I’d reach to a decent point where I could float and sell the rest later.
I sighed, “I saw something the other day.” His eyes rolled into the back of his head, coming back round to land a glare in my direction. “Mystery man from someone’s writing turned up to his book shop. Imagine if that happened to me?”
He cackled, for a moment I debated if I was face to face with a witch just from the spiteful sound he made. “Olivia, you think too much. You’re not in college, do yourself a favour and forget. You’re going to hit a wall one day and your career will take the toll of it.” He snatched a martini from one of the servers, “Believe me, you will go far if you actually put your mind to it. I’m going to socialise, I suggest you do the same.”
He wanders off into the swarm of people, disappearing within seconds. I didn’t want to socialise, I didn’t even want to spend time here; it was only the promise of free use of the studio that made me attend these things in the first place.
A few people were looking around my section and I decided to return to my corner, hoping my goal would be reached in the next hour and I could go home early.
The hour went by fast and as predicted, I’d reached my goal. I grabbed my bag and phone, swiping the studio group chat open. ‘Hey Pete. Hit my goal, heading off. Speak tomorrow.’
There was still an hour of the viewing open and it was still as rammed as it had been from opening. My corner had grown empty and I used it as my time to sneak off. As much as I enjoyed painting, I needed time to myself. Collecting all my things, I just had the clearing to head off.
Suddenly, a female voice came from behind me. “Pardon me, can I ask a question?”
“Of course, how can I help?” I responded, before spinning myself to face the woman.
My jaw dropped. I looked around, her face filled every wall my work was occupying. I was confused, had I imagined a painting was speaking to me? But I couldn’t have, others were reacting to her presence when walking past. She was real.
She looked around then back to me, a small smile grew on her thin lips. “I understand we haven’t met, I’m Heather Ingrid. I’ve seen your paintings, fantastic work. But, I’m curious as to how you’ve been painting my face when we haven’t ever met. Can we talk?”
A lump grew in my throat. I couldn’t even process what was happening. All I could think of was that she was real. She was real and she was stood in a room filled with her face.
She gestured to the chairs in the corner, “Shall we?”
He always lurked the same time every year. People would look outside the window and by the exact hour, minute, even second, he would be floating from one house to the next.
He wouldn’t do anything; he would slowly drag himself to each lifeless window, look into the black space for a couple seconds, then drift off to the next. He never seemed pleased or upset, he was just there. My mother said that he was the life-like image of mystery.
I had never looked at him before.
Every time he passed-by in his black coat, I ran for my life. My mother had seen him and so had my brothers, but they refused to mention his appearance. They would only mention what everyone else would: all he does is drift and wander, looking into your window to find emptiness he can squeeze into.
But the night before his arrival, I set myself a goal. To find out what I can about this mystery man.
Eleven o’clock rang through the house as I was sat by the window, clinging to the blanket thrown over my head. All I had was a book full of research about him and the lamppost outside to allow myself some light.
Every minute ticked over. Anxiety scratched from within me, begging me to curl up in bed and rid myself of witnessing him. But anxiety was overrun by curiosity; I had built myself up all day and I was not ready to let myself down.
11:13. Grasping the stopwatch, I began timing the seconds. They felt so slow, as if time had been stretched for his entrance.
11:13:30. Just nineteen seconds left. I kept my eyes peering over the windowsill, hoping he’d appear in the distance.
Fifteen. Ten. Nine. Eight.
My fingertips grew numb from holding onto the wooden slat. I let go and got on my knees, shuffling to see without having to hold on. I took one small peek at the stop watch before fixing back onto the street.
Three. Two. One.
11:13:49. There he was, stood in his black coat with an umbrella sheltering him whilst watching the empty darkness of the house opposite me. He looked as white as a sheet, which only alarmed me by the fact he was hairless and the white glow shined off of him.
My insides were unsettled and the room went cold; something wasn’t right.
If he was a normal man who was just going from house to house causing stress, the police would’ve gotten him by now and there would be no reason for everyone to shut down when he was brought up.
If he was normal, I wouldn’t be sat here.
He began to drift, his priority was to get to the next house. Except, he wasn’t drifting to the neighbouring houses. He was drifting over the road; his next house was mine.
Panic rushed through me, my body had started to go rock solid and my mind had gone blank. I had only planned to watch him, I hadn’t planned for the moment he reached my window. All I could think of was to duck. From what I’d read and heard, he would only be there for a minute.
11:14:57. I decided to hide myself against the radiator, letting the blanket swallow me whole as I held onto the stopwatch as if the next minute was my last dance with oxygen.
Time slowed down, every second felt like an hour. My whole body was numb from holding on dear life.
11:15:57. He had to have moved on. Lifting the blanket off of my head, I swallowed the knot in my throat and slowly got onto my knees again. My brain was cursing at me, telling me to retreat to the safe space of my room but, again, curiousity was leading me afar.
I took what I thought would be my last breath, hoping I’d not end up in a grave by noon. My legs felt like jelly but had enough strength to push me up so my eyes could see the street.
When my eyes were above the windowsill, I wasn’t able to see the street. Instead, I saw why my mother never spoke of the man and why my brothers locked their doors every night. My eyes weren’t met with the comfort of the street outside, or the lamppost that was slowly giving in.
He hadn’t moved yet. He was stood in front of me with the window as my only protection.
Bones. The man wasn’t full of skin as pale as a sheet like I had once thought. He was simply bones.
He was life-like, white eyes with no pupil, and a skeleton to keep him structured.
All I could see was bones and darkness. Now I understood why no one spoke of him.
