I can literally feel my world crumbling around me. My palms are sweaty My heart could possibly leap out my chest I’m in survival mode I’m trying to salvage what I can but I can’t the words, the words just keep flowing and I’m just trying not to lose him. With every attempt it’s like a tsunami leaving a trail of distraction behind it.

Then just like that it stops. There’s a last clap of thunder and It’s done. My attempts failed. My pleas can no longer be heard. he’s gone. Now the storms gone all I have is my heart left like a ship torn to pieces by the rough tide.

It’s calm. There’s a sense of peace strangely. It doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would It’s like being on a beach and listening to the gentle waves from a distance. I could possibly float. the calm after the storm.

If you saw all my flaws

All my darkness

All the things I hide in the shadows

Would you still look at me like I was the sun.

Would you still crave me and see me to be the light house for your ship in a storm.

That’s the thing about you

They say love is blind but with you

Is it stupidity or simply naivety

You only see the good in me

Or maybe you just take me as I am

Frankly that frightens me

When my ugliness does come out of the shadows

Sneaks it’s way up from the darkness to the surface

Will you stay? Will you still see the same light in me you see right now?

Soft and gentle They picked me up They wiped away tears They even nursed the cuts and bruises that came with life.

My first sense of security. And in them I felt indestructible. I could take on the world as long as Your hands were there to pick me back up. First steps First day at school First boy to break my heart. Mums hands.

If I let you in to my life Please understand something It took me everything in my power To accept somebody new in my life. To let my guard down and welcome you in to my world.

Yes I’m scared. I’m terrified once they’re in they’ll hurt me But mainly that they’ll find the damage that’s been done The broken bits of me that I even try to hide from myself.

With you, With you it was different. It was easy and flowing Before I knew it you had seen it all My tears, my tantrums and all my insecurities My definition of being truly naked You made your promises And silly me I believed you.

You took what you needed when it suited you? When you said you’d never give Was it just words to fill the air or was the damage too much for you to care?

Now I’m left feeling more lost than when you found me. Maybe Little bit more broken So I want to know was it worth it?

Cassie had literally been battling with these feelings for a while now. Because friends aren’t supposed to fall for one another. Then again friends aren’t supposed to spend endless hours together, kiss each other, share all the most intimate parts of theirselves. Cassie knew she couldn’t do it anymore. Hiding this secret was burning her and putting her friendship with Payton at risk. It had been 2 weeks now since she started screening his calls and ignoring his messages. She needed to tell him for her own sanity and the sake of their own friendship. ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck’ Cassie muttered under breathe trying to ease her nervous. She could feel her palms sweating as she took the phone in her hand to dial Payton’s number. Phone rings 3 times before Payton picks up. ‘Cassie! Where have you been? I have got so much to tell you!’ He wasn’t angry more excited than anything. Cassie’ face lit up. ‘Maybe he missed me? Maybe he actually does like me too? “Hey Payton sorry I just had so much going on but I wanted to talk to you. Just hear me out. If I don’t just say it I’ll chicken out, ok?”. Cassie didn’t even realise how fast she was actually talking she didn’t even take a breath. Payton paused unsure what to say or what was going on “go ahead. I’m all ears”. “I think Ive fallen for you...no no I mean I’m in love with you”. There was a moment of complete silence before Payton burst out laughing “in love? You’re funny Cassie. Tell me what you wanted to tell me” “I’m being serious. I’ve been trying to sort through my feelings but that’s how I feel” The silence this time seemed to go on forever this time. “Well?” “Cassie we are just friends. I’m sorry but I don’t see like that. I’m sorry I-I don’t know what to say” The concern in Payton’s voice didn’t comfort Cassie but irritate her if anything. “We’re not just friends though, we’ve been you know, we’ve slept with each other and I-“ Payton interrupts Cassie “yeah but we were just messing around you know” “Messing around?” Cassies irritation turned to anger. “What the fuck Payton messing around? Messing around? You mess around with toys and objects not people and their feelings. Did you think that-“ Payton could clearly hear how he’d hurt Cassie.

That’s the thing with this day and age in modern romance. We don’t stop to consider other people’s feelings with the decisions we make for ourselves and indirectly them. As long as we get what we want we have no responsibility for how someone else is affected by our actions. What was supposed to happen when you lay down with someone, you hold them in your arms whilst you share your deepest darkest secrets. For one it’s a moment of vulnerability and letting someone in for the other it’s a moment to maybe be vulnerable but mainly topic to pass time. Sex is just sex right? Sex doesn’t equate to love. You can easily have sex with anyone if they are willing and consenting of course. But it’s the add-ons, that’s where they get you. They make you feel safe, they let you build a home in them and easily ghost you or move on to the next. A generation of ghosting and unrequited love stories.

“Cassie I’m sorry” Payton pauses and takes a deep breath “I shouldn’t assumed we were on the same page. I honestly didn’t think you’d think of me like that” Cassie fights back the tears the least she could do was leave with her dignity. “It’s fine. I shouldn’t have said anything. I would have been screwed either way. I need some space”

Before Payton could even search for a response the dial tone rang in his ear. Cassie hung up.

Losing you was my biggest loss

I just want you to know I have no regrets.

Everything about you I loved you and I’m glad we met.

I’ll forever be grateful for the journey we shared Even though it didn’t last a life time like we said.

So I’ll take this L and learn from my Mistakes to never love someone more than myself

You ever met a person that makes you feel as perfect as you are You waltzed in 6’3 with a charming type of attitude. I was hooked. I fell and I was vulnerable.

We shared secrets and our darkest thoughts. You were a light and honestly it’s was inevitable, a feeling I couldn’t possibly have fought. Nights we spent were honestly the purists form of intimacy.

You had me floating Riding on cloud 9 type shit. I didn’t realise how this love stuff really hits. But here we are. I was hooked. I fell and I was vulnerable.

Even if this ends and this type of love bends. I hope we can stay friends and still laugh and share like lovers.

It’s poisonous. I wouldn’t go near it if I were you.

Why it doesn’t come with a warning label is beyond me.

Something like; may cause serious harm, symptoms include nausea, dizziness, loss of appetite, extreme confusion, tight chest.

Results may be fatal.

I wish I knew before I took a dose. Now here I am exhibiting all symptoms listed and more.

Didn’t know it would hurt this bad.

Love.

It’s poisonous. I wouldn’t go near it if I were you.

The label should read ‘proceed with caution, it never ends well’.

Now here we are 2 strangers who were lovers; frothing at the mouth, chills and that tight chest feeling which I’ll put down to the heartbreak.

You were my addiction. My hit of dopamine. I guess I didn’t realise you were slowly killing me too.