The two held hands: Jack with the vast majority of his body in the frigid waters, while Rose’s body lay mostly on a floating door. Both were shivering, however Jack’s shaking was a death rattle; and while the two had just promised to ‘never let go’, it was obvious this promise was one that wasn’t meant literally. They would part; one would ‘let go’ but would it be in life or death?

And that wouldn’t do for Rose.

In the frigid cold, awaiting her rescue, listening to the love of her life’s death rattle, Rose acted. She’d not been known for doing what she was told to do; and she wasn’t to start now.

‘Jack. Jack.’ Rose horsely whispered. Jack was alive, but barely. He whimpered; eyes barely open. ‘Rose,’ he whimpered.

Rose, gingerly, with strength she didn’t know she had, managed to pull Jack partially onto the floating wreckage. The door wasn’t big enough for them both; four legs hung off into the hypothermic waters.

‘Never let go, Jack. Hold me.’ Rose held Jack as close to her own cold body as she could. ‘Don’t let go.’

‘Stop! Cut! What the fuck was that? Kate!’

Leo opened his eyes; he was cold but not so frigid that he was on his death bed. Kate was slightly warmer, given that she was on the door, but only slightly. Both were tired from an exhausting day of shooting.

Kate sat up quickly nearly spilling them both into the water. ‘There’s room for them both, James! You know it. I know it. She’d never let him die!’

James Cameron, the director, yelled back in an exasperating tone, ‘There’s room for them both, but they both die!’

‘It’s a movie. There’s a slight chance they both survive; Kate would never leave him in the water knowing he will die.’

‘Kate, we’ve been over this. They’d both die. Exposure.’

Kate looks at James. James at Leo. Leo to the cameraman. ‘My balls are the size of peanuts.’

‘We’ll shoot both endings, Kate.’

Kate nods. She’s won this battle but knows she’s not won the war. Yet. She adjusts herself on the door and pushes Leo playfully into the water.

‘Action!’

Looking in the mirror Don’t like what I see A person I used to know Is staring back at me

I recognize her smile And also that nose But what is really missing Does she even know?

When did things go wrong Or were they ever right? Time has passed so quickly In this game of life.

It’s not just me, now I have a daughter, too I’m to be her role model Teach her the good to do.

It’s not just for my kid But also for me, I need to get rid of this Stranger Hiding within me.

I’ll start by treating myself better Like other people do My friends are so kind to us So why not be kind to myself, too?

I must get rid of this Stranger Hiding deep inside of me The first step is to say ‘I love you’ while looking at me.

Parenting was never hard for me. I was told ‘babies don’t come with a manual.’ No, they don’t, but mine mysteriously came with a remote.

I was knocked out; drugged as the pain was just too much to handle; I’d been naive to think I could handle childbirth because ‘women were the stronger sex’. We might be stronger but pushing a fireball out your lady parts certainly broke me.

I awoke to a fuss of midwives in my room and a screaming child. And a small remote tucked into my hand; I thought it was for pain relief so I hit that shit hard. The baby stopped fussing; the midwives didn’t.

The baby didn’t nurse well, but when I tried skin to skin contact along with a tap tap tap on this small USB sized remote, all went well. The baby ate. I was still in pain. But the baby did what I and it needed.

Step forward 20 years, and I’m back in the hospital; a different one but still with fussing nurses.

I’m dying.

And my daughter is beside me, distraught; she’s too young to lose me.

She’s never learned to think for herself or stand up for herself. Whenever she became a ‘handful’ I’d find the remote and tap tap tap.; she’d fall into line. Whether it was as a toddler, a teen or now a young adult, if she did something I didn’t like, I’d take the easy way out. Tap tap tap.

I tried not to use it. I really did! But there’s no reasoning with a toddler; who wants to listen to a toddler scream in the grocery store because I won’t let her eat her boogers. A tap made shopping easier. A tap made puberty a walk in the park, and the first boyfriend, who was a definite loser, was easily dispatched.

I was commended for what a ‘great kid’ I raised alone; for how ‘close we were’ and what great decisions she makes!

The truth is that I was a terrible parent and took the easy way out ALL THE FUCKING TIME! I didn’t teach my daughter anything.

I’m dying; I should be dead within days. Should I give her the remote?