Laying here in pain that I feel in my chest trying not to let it get the best of be because I know what’s left
Quite space big room and my heart raising that it’s best
I feel it in my chest hurting bad that I don’t have nothing left
Tears dropping on my face one by one as many come was to come
Running down my face I use my hand to whip them on cause I couldn’t stand a chance
Mark on my face for crying out my tears mark my words down I’m trying to not let it rip in
Strong at the most mainly think it’s a joke Laughing so hard that I accidentally choke
Laughing out loud so people will think I’m proud proving of everyone for not letting me down
Lost of words my mouth it’s close sitting in this room looking at an open door
Open or shut let it all out come to me so we can work it out
Body cold still in silence trying not to cry but I’m not good at hidden it
I may not let it show but you’ll see how it change from my body language moving in different way
Eyes shut so I can not see how would I see if it’s always bark past three
Not at my lowest but I often have my days , the days you don’t see out you’ll kno cause I’m gray
Deep inside while I wash it off I might not no the cost but I’ll become my own boss
Following step jus one by one leading to a open place that look so much fun
Pain that come and pain that goes pain that comes down like a running nose
You can whipe it off you may even see a mark a mark at visible you can only see in the dark
Standing up here on this stand having me rethink life all over again
From the moment I held you hand i was thinking something in my head
On your brirthday seeing you drop a tear because of all the love you felt near
we was by your side every step of the way time it’s sad to say that it have to be this way
Seeing you laying here hurts me bad so bad I wanna cry but it’s still my last good bye
Your smile that bright up not even when you smile your smile that bright up like a thousand miles
Everyone here rooming in tears sad to say may you have a beautiful day
Heyy grandpa missing you is the most thing that I have been doin lately and safe to say I been miss you like crazy
Your love is like the most precious things someone can ever have Like the days that we will just sit together and you’ll just make me laugh
even tho I didn’t get to spend that much time with you I remember wen you was there helping my little brother tie his shoe
as I’m standing up here I am scared I am hurt but i remember the days you’ll watch me play in the dirt
eating my ice cream playing wit my toys laughing being so full of joy
Standing up here being strong hurt in my heart got everyone questioning me what’s wrong
My final goodbye everyone seeing me cry may you spread your wings and fly in the sky
Being next to your side the connection click so fast I often think why
First time I saw youu I was like i wonder how you are then as we connect I learnt and understand that you were very smart
Often did many wrong things but I never put that against you because I was understanding you had people against you
People who didn’t like you people who wanted to fight you it was going back and forth like a repeated cycle
You push me off cause you didn’t want me to be around Be around that the things that you often found
all the mess but the mess was often still there deep in your chest
Deep inside im trying not to cry I won’t see you again but it was fun from the beginning to the end
Tired to protect you and give it my all but some how that didn’t work because god was waiting on your call
While I say my final goodbyes you was by my side even when I cry
I won’t see you again but I’ll love you from the beginning to the end
Bring me up not bring me down just leave me some where I don’t wanna be found
Sit me here sit me there to where I am wanted to where I don’t stand a chance
Walk through the trees to feel a good morning breaze hit me in that face like I jus made an awful mistake
Yea okay it was wrong I’m learning as I grow can’t get in trouble for something i didn’t kno
Lost in found like my mind wondering off leading a little girl because she is lost
She looking for love all around not even in her own home cause she kno she don’t get the right amount
Fill my cup don’t break it down life me up when you are not around
Laying here low with my head down laying here love with a mind that don’t grow
Embarrassed me to the point where I can’t forget Embarrassed to the point where it will always stick
bruises on my body and even on they face trying to hide away on a beautiful day
you broke me down didn’t try to pick me back up you left me wanted with out your trust
Hard to let go scared to move on wondering what should I do Wondering what went wrong
Trying something new is a fresh start I don’t know where to start cause I don’t want to fall apart
Apart from you is something im not use to use to being next to you stuck on you like glue
Not even scared but really cautious watching my surroundings got me feelin nauseous
Moving on finding someone new in the same person I often do
I really don’t know how it’s going to go come on this journey And watch me grow
You see I’m trying you see I’m learning Learning as I go because I’m scared to let go
The connection we had was so real its crazy to say I don’t think it felt real
Not only just because of that but cause we left something behind not just a feeling but something I feel from deep inside
Im scared to let go but I gotta face the fact not only is we done but there is no more coming back
Late nights trying to go to sleep late night crying under my sheets
While leaving you in the past I’m glad it was fun while it last cause now we can’t come back you are now in the past
The hurt we’ve done neither of us deserve but I’m glad to say you hit a nerve
A spot that hurt a spot that heals a spot that has a meaning and a spot that reveals
Im scared to let go but I wish you the best may god bless you and the other thats next
While everything comes to an end I’m hear next to you holding your hand
Just listen to me just one more chance a chance I might not win but a chance that will come to and end
There from the start there through it all not even from the beginning but I only had to make one call
By my side every step of the way you watching me grow and even said hooray
You pick me up on my worst days showed me how to love the correct way
A fight we put up but a fight we couldn’t hold not even for the longest but you was there as I grow
The connection was there and a time was had a time that i enjoyed but now the times in the past
Not only a time thats hard to forget but a time I enjoy ever little bit
As we go our separate ways distance from each other we may not come back but there was a time When we had each other
Years from now as I’m writing this poem A connection that gone by something I did wrong
I am gone like the wind passing me by Far from the other side watching me cry
A heart that beat at four a heart leading me to an open door
As I’m walking pass by trying not to cry you’ll ask if I’m okay but I’ll just say I’m jus fine
Let me be leave me alone I don’t wanna be bothered I want to be on my own
Running in circles while losing my mind a light flashes before my eye while I’m watching the time
It goes really fast and even slow to I don’t see where I’m going I don’t even kno what to do
Therefore as I speak you should let me be not even let me be but just set me free
The piece to have the peice to fall the piece that break down like a little girl on her own
Jus a girl in her moment a girl in her ways and trying how to behave
Trying how to act , trying how to fit in , trying to do everything right from deep in
Deep inside trying not to hide walking around and I see you pass me by
As you walk pass me I hear a sound , a sound likee boom a sound like wow
From step by step I use my legs , not only using me legs but using my head
My head is wondering off my feelings is shifting away , like pain that come and pain that stay
Stay away from me as I say don’t try to come back stay far away
Far from behind so I don’t see , so I don’t see where you will be
I write this today as I speak , so listen to me please and lift up you feet
Touch my mind touch my soul show me new so I will grow
Grow as I learn , learn as I grow trying so hard not to feel so low
Feel so low as in feeling down , walking around faking my smile
A smile that brights up a smile that shine , a smile so beautiful like a smile like mine
I say my body is feeling down while I’m walking around faking a smile
A smile that bright up the world like a little pretty little girl a smile that make my stomach twirls
A feeling that only I can feel a feeling that don’t seem to feel real
A stomach that craves food but my body craves love not love from the above but love i don’t kno of
To the music I listen to only I can hear Frm ear to ear but only I hear
From a call yelling saying help From someone trying to reach out all by them self
While in a dark place looking around , I try so much not to hear any sounds
Not to hear any sounds but not to hear any voice I hear out someone calling saying that it is a choice
Leafs falling, rain pouring , I see sign out here giving me warnings , I pass all them one by one cause I see the rain is pouring, . washing away the pain all that’s inside, it’s hurting so bad I’m trying not to cry ., as I’m crying my head start hurting, stomach start aching, head movement and all different type of directions the voices in my head telling me not to break down , see I’m easy to fall down but not easy to break down God please help as im calling I need someone pick up my crown , . stop crying that doesn’t mean nothing someone once said to me , see I remember everything it’s in my mind it rewind jus like a tv, yelling doesn’t do anything but makes me think of myself different , I’m jus a person that make so many wrong decisions , as your being disrespectful to me that make me look at you different. The arguing is all toxic ,you yelling me yelling yea we both done lost it .
