When I was young,people always told me I would be a heartbreaker. I don’t think this is what they meant… that I would break my own heart over and over again trying to love people who didn’t love me back . The self harm has gotten out of control . I don’t want to be a heartbreaker anymore.

& every year when the anniversary of your death comes around you die again… & then another year I slowly die again… Every day… Because you were supposed to be right here with me And this will never be easy… When you went down in that grave you took me with you… I died with you … & I am a ghost roaming the world feeling alone Because you were the only place that ever felt like home…

I’m counting down the days … Unsure what number day it is on this countdown… Some days fast… some slow Some easy…some hard Some filled will tears…others filled with smiles Day by day never knowing how much closer I am to day 1… Day 1 usually signifies a beginning but on this countdown it’s the end… When I lay my head on my pillow tonight and shut my eyes ..will I see the sun again ? As I open my eyes…sun peeping through my shades Will I see the the stars again? Counting down the days… Wanting to experience as much as I can before Day 1 Just counting down the days … Sad for what could’ve been In fear of what is to come Happy for what was..is… has been Waiting for the pain to end… Counting down the days…