If my heart throbs once more maybe there’ll be no blood left to pour When my chest aches violently And my vision has no chance to restore Cold sweat on my fingertips as I anxiously open the door My legs constantly tremble as they slowly glide across the floor It’s only a matter of time before I have to face you And I remember all those memories in my mind I can’t ignore And it doesn’t matter if you offer me Chanel or Dior The pain will always remain just the same as it did before There’s nothing you can do to take away the trauma that’s restored You’ll forever be dead to me Although I wish you’d come back to me once more

Sometimes Every once in a while I just take a moment to cry And I sit down in a quiet room And cherish that moment in time Just to feel as if the world stopped and that there was a pause to life And as I’m sitting alone, I’ll hide all the knives just in case I feel the urge to die And I’ll turn on the fan to quickly dry away my tears just in case someone walks by I’ll keep my feelings private I don’t want to reveal the concealed thoughts I keep deep in the back of my mind And If you ask with concern, I may tell a lie while my face beams with a smile And I’ll pretend to be happy Until the next time I take a moment to sit in a quiet room and cry

I hope that he feels all the sick and brutal feelings that I felt Multiplied by two I hope that he feels all the insecurities and extreme low self esteem that I had Double that by two I hope he feels the intense loneliness that I felt at night, that keeps him up until two I hope he feels every single ounce of pain that I felt And multiply all of that by two hundred and two I went through it all While he lived his best year of all I became sick in the head while he was busy laughing with his friends So I hope that he feels all the symptoms of my sickness, and double that pain until his body is out of use

The beautiful boy walks by My eyes linger as he walks across the floors I feel a feeling I can recognize This is a feeling I’ve felt before And I’ve already lived through the delusions And I’m afraid that I’ll live through some more Not again, I beg and hope, not again, not anymore!

The endless thoughts of deceiving scenarios And unrealistic fantasies that my mind would restore An imagination with a whole lifetime planned out With intriguing stories that my mind can’t ignore But I’ve already been through this And I’ve already lived through this before I never wanna go through this again Never again, I beg and hope, never again, not anymore!

The dark heavy clouds The nights of heavy rain It pours out through the earth And makes the stems grow out sustained The sun shines brightly in the morning It is then the start of a new day And after everything has dried and flourished I still don’t hear his name. He is no longer here In the earth, he doesn’t remain What a disheartening grief it is, to fathom and live life this way! For ever since the moment he entered his grave, There has been no thought of him except that we felt pain They reassure and say, “After the storm, perhaps you’ll be okay” But how come I feel thunder in my mind everyday? When will my storm end, when will life become the same? If he isn’t here, then I’m afraid I might not make it to the end of the day The time when the moon comes out and I sleep and hope for a better day…

This moment, this time, I want to make things right I don’t want to dwell on the past, and I don’t want to lose my mind Because after all these weeks, it felt like I tragically lost my life I was broken, I was lost, it’s as if I was only partially alive But this time around, i want to do better, and I want to focus my mind… On the better things in life, and to keep the bad things out of sight Because the trauma he left me with, doesn’t belong to me, but rather I have been assigned… A life to live, a huge responsibility it is, to live this life

True pleasure never reaches me, when I feel such deep resent Curiosity has rapidly overtaken me, to such a substantial extent That I keep all my senses thoroughly focused on my threat And wait for the pleasure I desire to assuredly be felt

For when I shifted my focus and saw her walking so elegantly, She dressed so finely and had abounding heads turning She was the pleasure to everyone’s eyes And then the thoughts on my mind started to arise “Do people think she is better than I” Was I still as beautiful as they thought I was, Before she came and took them by surprise

When I took a seat and grasped my hand down my shivering thigh And bit my lip as the tears rolled down from my naked eyes The immense drop of self esteem occurred as i intensely whaled out my cries I contemplated whether or not I was still appealing to others, as my tears started to dry

True pleasure never reaches me, because I feel such deep resent Curiosity has rapidly overtaken me, to such a substantial extent That I keep all my senses thoroughly focused on my threat And wait for the pleasure I desire to assuredly be felt

As I stare on and deepen my gaze at this fascinating scenery There are thoughts piling in my mind while standing before this greenery It’s just hard for me to accept that you’re no longer here with me Life was a movie with you, Life was such a big fantasy And now our bones are weakened while we grieve and go through this agony And our flimsy bodies somehow find a way to move without our source of gravity It’s just not the same without you, it’s just such a painful catastrophe To live a life in your absence, it is an abnormal reality

Each breath I take Each step I walk Each morning I awake Each time I talk Each night I sleep With all my needs fulfilled Living a life so chic While feeling super thrilled

But others don’t have this opportunity to live such a life They endeavor to win against their adversity And weep profusely in the depths of the night

Who else is worthy of thanks for my livelihood? That is full of complete satisfactory This answer must not be misunderstood That is the one and only, Lord of Mercy

The clouds running around the earth as they block out the blazing sun The temperature is flaking down while the kids stay in for lunch The folks are wearing their finest coats as they dine out for brunch While their coats are covered with snowflakes that bring joy in the biting cold Beanies, Gloves, Hot Cocoa, and Fluffy socks, such is the greatness that winter holds