“I’m ridiculously in love with you, and I hate it.”
Cal sits there, blinking at me in shock. I can see that he’s fighting to find something, anything, to say to me after I’d just rather unceremoniously dumped this huge bomb on him. He runs a hand across his jaw and over his mouth, dropping it back into his lap with a sigh.
I find that I can’t look at him now. I can’t bear to see the expression of horror, or maybe even sympathy that’s bound to etch its way onto his face.
“Megan…” I hear him say finally. His voice is so quiet, so soft, and the sound of it makes me want to cry. Because I know exactly what he’s trying to tell me by the way he says my name.
I shake my head, eyes still downcast at the cracks on the pavement beneath my boots. I couldn’t feel any more vulnerable or downright pathetic than I do right now.
“Look at me.”
God, the only thing that’s worse than falling in love with the one person that you really shouldn’t, is having to hear that they don’t feel the same way about you after you’ve just blurted it all out.
“You know I love you too, Megs,” he begins, tentatively reaching for my hands that are clasped together tightly.
But…
“But just… Not like that.”
There it is.
I think it was a rustling outside the tent that woke me. I can’t be sure, my head feels as though it’s been replaced with cotton wool as I heave myself onto my elbows in an attempt to wake myself properly. It had been pretty windy when we’d turned in, the sound of the wind blowing through the trees acting as our lullaby as we attempted to find sleep. But now… There’s no wind.
It’s dark. So dark. The kind of dark where your eyes begin to play tricks on you, shadows and shapes dancing across my periphery.
My first thought upon waking is how quiet it is.
My second thought is how wrong that feels.
Something woke me up, but now it’s a type of deafening silence where I can’t help but hold my breath.
I reach across for my sister who’s sleeping next to me, wanting to be sure that whatever woke me didn’t freak her out as well.
“Mia?” I whisper.
My hand reaches blindly, my fingers touching the cold fabric of her sleeping bag. I reach a little further, not quite feeling brave enough to get out of my own sleeping bag to locate her.
I try once more, making my voice slightly louder this time, but still no response.
Worry begins to gnaw away at my stomach, and something urges me to get out of my sleeping bag. I know that the torch was somewhere near my head when we went to sleep, so I fumble around for it, momentarily sighing in relief when I find it.
I pause. Why does it feel like I shouldn’t be turning it on?
But… I need to check that Mia’s okay.
After a moment’s hesitation, my thumb finds the button and the tent is soon engulfed in a small beam of warm light that blinds me for a second.
I point the torch towards Mia, and my stomach drops immediately.
She’s not there.
Her empty sleeping bag is strewn haphazardly across the floor of the tent, and she’s nowhere to be seen.
Panic then engulfs me.
Where has she gone? Why has she left? She’s scared of the dark, there’s no way she’d leave without me. Without the light.
My breathing becomes ragged as I wriggle out of my sleeping bag fully, rising up on to my knees just to make sure she’s not hiding in the corner somewhere. But realistically, how many places are there to hide in a 2-man tent?
A noise outside, something like twigs snapping under foot, catches my attention.
I hold my breath once more, my hands shaking as I aim the torch light down towards the ground.
Slow, heavy, deliberate footsteps.
Pausing, then walking once more, before pausing.
I don’t know what’s going on, but I know that those footsteps certainly do not belong to my sister.
And there was nobody else around when we’d pitched our tent.
The footsteps resume once more, except this time, they’re not slow. More twigs snapping, the sound of heavy boots on the forest floor edges closer and closer.
My entire body runs cold and I quickly shut off the torch, still holding my breath as the footsteps come to a stop outside the tent.
Silence. For what feels like an eternity.
Then, the voice that calls out to me makes me scream. And that’s the last thing that I remember.
Maisy hadn’t wanted to come. Being back in this town always tended to evoke memories that were painful, reminding her of a time where she was only ever the happiest she’d been. She tried to avoid coming back as much as she could, however there were occasions where it was impossible to avoid.
It made her feel angry that she could no longer enjoy the picturesque town that she’d once loved more than anywhere else in the world. That the view from the cliff tops over the wide expanse of turquoise water made her skin prickle. With a heavy sigh, she turned her back on the view and headed back down the steep path.
Walking through the market square was no easier. The cobbled streets were abustle with activity; traders using the sunny weather to their advantage to gain from the visiting tourists, the smell of freshly-brewed coffee floating out of the open door of the cafe. She was surrounded by laughter and chatter and all she wanted to do was to disappear. It didn’t seem fair to her that these people were able to enjoy this beautiful place when all she felt was a heavy weight in her chest.
Each location, each tiny part of the town that she encountered, they all held memories that swept her away to a time where her only care in the world was when she’d be seeing him again. When the only thing she wanted to feel was his arms around her. Especially when she found herself back in the park.
Even now, almost ten years later, she’d be lying if she said that she didn’t want that.
Taking a seat on the bench, Maisy gazed around her. It hadn’t changed a bit here.
Eric had been desperate to bring his family back to the town that he grew up in. It had almost broken him when he was forced to move away at the age of only seventeen. His whole life had been here, and he wanted more than anything for that to be the case once again.
“Slow down, honey,” his wife chuckled, attempting to keep up with her husband whilst clutching the hand of their three-year-old daughter. “Some of us only have little legs.”
Eric laughed, but he couldn’t slow down. He could see the market square coming into view as he headed down the steep path and excitement bubbled inside of him. There was no other place on earth that could bring him the same feelings he was experiencing now.
“You’re gonna love it here, I know it,” he told his wife once she caught up with him.
He reached down to take his daughter’s other hand, his heart soaring as she grinned up at him.
The scent of coffee and the sounds of happy chatter invaded Eric’s senses when he arrived in the market square. He couldn’t keep the smile from his face as he was determined to show his family all of the things that hadn’t changed a bit since his childhood.
The last stop on their tour was the park. He’d saved this for the end, because he knew it would be the thing that finally convinced his wife that they had to live here. And he knew he was right when his daughter squealed in delight as she saw the grand fountain sitting in the middle.
Eric turned to face his wife, but a sight behind her caught his eye.
The sight of a lone woman sitting on a bench in the park shouldn’t have bothered him, but he felt like the wind had been knocked out of him.
When she lifted her head, Eric knew that there was no mistaking. Even after ten years, how could he ever forget those dark brown eyes?
“Honey, are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“It was meant to be for you. I only ever wanted it to be for you.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, blinking away the burning in my eyes that was beginning to build. I wanted more than anything to get away from the table, to snatch my hand away from his firm grip as he whispered those hushed words into my ear.
“Stop acting like such a brat and smile, Lily.”
How could I not be happy, right? How could I not be smiling when I was sitting in one of the most elite restaurants in the city, surrounded by my friends and family? When I was wearing a dress that cost more than most people’s monthly rent?
Except it’s impossible to smile when all I can think about is the secret that I’m carrying. The secret that I fear is going to keep me tethered to this man for the rest of my life.
I wince as his grip on my hand tightens once more.
Turning to face him, it’s almost scary to see how normal he looks. How he can look so unbothered when I’m sure my hand is beginning to turn purple underneath the table.
I force a sweet smile on my face, gazing up at him. Cold, dark eyes meeting mine which causes my stomach to stir.
“I know,” I tell him, placing my other hand on top of his where he’s still squeezing me. “You do so much for me.”
Yes. He does do so much for me.
So much to ensure that there’s nothing I’ll ever be able to do to get away.
To never escape.
Especially when he finds out about the secret that is going to continue to grow inside of me for the next few months.
