I closed my eyes A whole world was waiting for me A place so bright and hopeful An euphoric escape from reality My world was only my special
My own span of stunning blues High and below, wide and far I flew to see the view Clouds of pinks and speckles of stars
And though my world was clear My life was plenty full And I could be just "here" And not tumble in life's pull
I opened my eyes And my unlit ceiling surrounded me I realised the truth And it was all my imagination For it comes with my youth
I watch anxiously from the safety of the ground while my friends clamber onto the awaiting carriage. I graze my eyes over the entire structure of the attraction, the tall loop earning nausea to swirl through my stomach at the sight.
"Are you sure you don't want to come Audrey?" I'm called back down to rest my eyes on my friend, Sophie, she gestures for me to come but I plant my feet down to the soiled ground. I express my distaste to the ride with my hesitance, but it's ignored when my other friend, Brooklyn shouts me over, "Come on Audrey! It's fun!"
I notice the annoyed line of people behind them, waiting frustrated for the line to get a move on. When I suddenly taste blood in my mouth I realise I have to decide quick, my lips now tingling with the over-biting. I take another once over of the large ride, I really don't like high places, like really don't like. A nagging feeling always eating away in my stomach and my mind always clouded with anxiety causing me to never enjoy the ride.
I would love to be ridden of the irrational fear that locks me to the ground of the Earth, and I'm coming to realise that I have never actually tried to deal with the fear. I pause for only a second more, before forcing my legs to pull me forwards towards the group of girls, earning a course of cheers and whoops to erupt.
"Yas, Audrey! You got this!"
I take a deep breath and settle myself next to them at the end, clutching tightly to the side wall and my friend's hand. Another breath. I close my eyes for what seems only a few seconds. I open.
And the world is beautiful.
The door to our shared apartment slams against the thin plaster walls, reverberating through the main room causing my head to automatically turn to the door. My boyfriend of three years stands at the entrance, slipping his shoes off calmly. He emanates a dark aura, his eyes stone cold as they turn to towards me before looking away while he drags his work bag into our room. Something in me tells me something is wrong.
"Peter." A sigh draws out of me, I walk again towards him, hoping my eyes emanate the concern and love I feel for him so the horrible tension in the room could dissipate, "Peter." I whisper again, waiting patiently for a response.
He turns towards me, his darkened eyes a black pit as he glares back at me with an unprecedented hatred. I'm taken aback with the strength of it.
"Why didn't you tell me your ex has been approaching you?" Peter's voice is monotone, gravelled and ominous. My eyes widen at his question, suddenly recalling the Thursday before... my stomach goes nauseous at the memory.
I pick out my words carefully in my head, "It was something I didn't think was a big deal," A silence is there again, "He approached me last week and..."
"He kissed you, Lara."
I go absolutely stone cold, every bone, every muscle in me going stiff as my heart beats faster. "I- he... how did you know?"
"That doesn't matter, what matters is that you've either been assaulted without telling anyone, or you've cheated." He spits out, though his eyes soften as he mentions possible sexual assault not wanting to make an uncomfortable environment for me to cave in. "Lara, what happened?"
"I don't want to talk about." I say, tears clouding my eyes as I remember the vile I felt as his disgusting hands touched me. As he forced his lips on mine.
"Lara- now's not the time to be a stubborn ass!" His face immediately falling to regret as the final word leaves his mouth, even he seems taken aback. Peter reaches a hand out to me.
I flinch. "How can you say that?" I whisper, so quietly that even I don't recognise my voice. "I'm not, I'm not a stubborn ass. That's what he called me- you promised to not be like him! You know how he was. You- Peter..."
"Oh no, baby, no- I'm so sorry, shit, don't cry Lara, please can we just talk I can't stand knowing you were hurt when you kept silent about it- Lara where are you going!?"
I ignore his words as I rush out of our bedroom, slipping on my shoes to run out of the apartment out into the late autumn weather. Maybe it is immature- but my mind is too irrational and clouded with the wound ripped open to think properly.
But I realise as I stand cold in the middle of the street, how vulnerable I am when my stitches are taken out.
Wonder, wonder, how I wonder Amongst this fallen world Ponder, ponder, how I ponder To whom should take this toll
Slowly, slowly, each soul, slowly Has life dripping thin Only, only, shall your glass only Tell you what's to happen
Waiting, waiting, I sit here waiting On my throne of bones and gold Waiting, waiting, your hourglass is waiting For your sand to fall down old
And now, and now, look what's happened now A glass has emptied its top And now, and now, I'm summoned now To collect what Death has got
My skin tingles with the remainder of the sequence of events played out just moments ago, silently struggling to control my dense breaths as my brain begins processing the conversation. The conversation I had with my supposedly dead brother. I don't even understand this- he spoke of my dad and to reach out to him but our dad left just after I was born, my mum or even Harry never speaking of him since, really. The whole thing is so confusing.
I try tracing over our conversation again.
My fingers grip the phone with white knuckles, letting everything sink in with shocking waves of settlement. The hows of the entirety of this situation is mind boggling, and I wonder over and over again what I am most worried about.
The fact that my brother is alive. That my dad is (or was) in contact with him. Or that 'they' are coming for us, me now in particular. Then, of course, there is the phone number Harry told me to call to get to our father... 2567.
I slide off my now drenched in sweat blanket, slowly manoeuvre out of my bed so my toes reach cold floors. I open my apartment window, letting cool air to sweep through my stuffy room while I pace back and forth in deep thought. Should I call the number? Text? I did promise Harry... oh god I already miss him. What had happened to cause him to end the call so abruptly? I curse softly under my breath, I need to stop wondering questions I don't have the answers to.
I hold my phone up, clicking the home button a few times to have the dial screen in front of my eyes. Just 2567....2567. My fingers feel heavy with anticipation, dragging across the numbers before I'm left staring at the call screen. It's ringing. Shit, it's ringing.
It picks up near the end ring, a cold bitter voice snaps through the speaker making my spine go rigid automatically, "Who on earth is this?"
My mouth opens a few times like a fish in water, I suddenly have gone blank. What did Harry mention? 047 sent me? "Uh- hi, um, I'm Miranda Blair, um- 047 sent me... he said to call you and ask my dad to help me?"
I didn't mean for the response to come out as a question, but even I'm unsure of what I'm talking about. There is a silence that follows, when suddenly I hear the familiar click of my front door closing down the hall, that's not on the call. Wait. "Was that you front door?" They ask.
"Yes... but I live alone." My voice seems muffled as fear races through my veins at uncontrolled rates.
The voice replies rushed and exasperated, panic settling into the tone. "Shit, Miranda jump out of a window now, do something, get out of there. I'm sending some people in now- just hold on-"
The floorboards creak down in the hallway.
Barren and cracked The land runs thin The sky forever burning No water kept within
Heed to my calls Mother Nature, bare us good For our desert is barren And the life here pleas for food
The sky still left cloudless So vast and empty here No rain cloud in sight To wash away our fear
Heed to my calls Mother nature, gives us the clouds See to the rain Will come to us found
Let your rain pour down Bless the dry cracked sand Save us, Mother Nature There's a drought in the land
"Okay, okay, which one is harder: law school or med school? I swear- if I hear you say law sch-"
"Of course it's law school! Why wouldn't it be law school?" Daniel's eyes widen, his mouth dropping open absolutely gobsmacked about his best friend's answer. Law school? Compared to learning the mechanics of medicine and human anatomy? How on Earth?
"What do you mean law school? What's so difficult about law school that makes it harder than medical school? We learn about the human body- each body part, each organ, each disease, each infection, the symptoms and heaps more and you have the actual audacity to say law school is harder?" Daniel exclaims in complete utter unbelief, bewildered of Lisa's answer. "Are you serious?!"
Lisa rolls her eyes, crosses her arms over her suit cladded chest and replies, "Here we go, pulling the human anatomy card and all of the stuff you learn. Come on, law school isn't just debate, we do heaps too and is just as stressful!"
Daniel gives a pointed look, clearly unimpressed with her reasoning. Why wouldn't medical school be harder? "We have the pressure of taking care of people's lives, their health of them and their family. That's a thousand times more stressful than arguing like toddlers!"
"We don't argue like toddlers? Have you even seen what happens in court? Have you met law teachers? They're scary as hell!"
Daniel chuckles, although it sounds more breathy and sarcastic than a genuine humoured laugh. He wraps an arm around Lisa's shoulders. his blue scrubs contrasting against her neat navy suit. "Well have you been in a hospital for thirty-six hours? Day in day out of watching people die in your own hands, stressing because you don't know what's wrong with your patient? Now tell me, is that something you get in court?"
Lisa audibly groans out loud, rubbing her face with tired hands. "I swear, we have this argument every month! Fine- they're both hard okay, happy?" She nudges Daniel off of her, quickening her pace as she races to her apartment so they can have their weekly Friday movie night.
Daniel grins, rushing up to Lisa hugging her tightly. "Of course, of course," They enter the apartment, Lisa moving to the coffee machine on the kitchen bench. "...but med school is still harder."
"Daniel!"
Bang bang! Shots plunder through the air I cover my ears, cower in despair "Mummy!" I cry, though my voice too loud The soldiers they come, arms open round
Push and shove I'm marched into single file Traipse through the mud and travel through the wild Thud! Thud! I land face first on cold wood deck Hold myself close, embrace my neck
Cry, cry! The babies do cry And amongst those children, adults do lie Sniffle, sniffle. We are silenced by shouts Soldiers curse down on us, shut us out
Sing, sing. We sing in broken harmony Awaiting for the end, that's coming so slowly Clack, clack. The train huffs through the land And I rock against bodies, holding their hands
Crows, crows. They call through the sky I watch them above, wishing I could fly Orders, so many orders They move us along Lining us up, knees down, no longer strong
Silence, silence. I wait patiently in silent tears Holding my breath, the sky so clear Bang. Drop. A man falls down Tumbles down into the ground
Another, another. The shots they shoot Children, elderly, fall down mute "Mummy." I whisper, hearing them close Too quiet against the gun at most
A soft sigh of wind brushes against the hairs of my neck, pulling the goosebumps to rise on my skin in response to the irritation. I grumble with discomfort, turning over to try to lull myself back to sleep despite the brazen cold that freezes my small dorm room shared with my roommate. Did I leave the window open? I frown, trying to recall my movements before resting in bed but my mind is too buzzed with exhaustion. I snuggle closer into the blanket when I hear the floorboards let out a quiet groan.
"Emily, go back to bed," I call out to my roommate in a drained whisper slightly turning in response to the sound of a presence in the room, but I still as I feel a gloved hand wrap around my shoulder, tightening ever so slowly. My eyes snap open. Wait- my roommate moved out yesterday.
