I knew something was wrong yet I kept my mouth concealed shut as if there was glue to my lips. But the thought lingered in my mind. My heart and brain were in a conflicting bind. The secret weighed down on me yet I wasn’t dare to have spoke. Because if I spoke, itd be against the person ive loved the most. A love that was a whirl wind of things, From being attached to each others hip and almost a ring. I couldn’t dare tell. Knowing that if it marinated in my mind, the truth would still prevail. The anxiety curls within me, I look at the man before me, his tall figure and his look of envy. I know his darkest secrets and he knows mine. But everyone will know the truth in due time.

On a cold wintery night, I thought of you out of spite. A thought that hadn’t dared cross my mind, For the sake of me and the thought of you almost being mine. Finally, I thought of you again, We were in love still and we made amends. All the past pain was washed away, We loved eachother like there was no tomorrow and the love stayed. You were mine and I was forever yours. Because no matter what has happened, I still loved you down to my very core. But as I woke up from this everlasting dream, It was just a dream. We hadn’t gotten back together, In fact it had been almost a year since we last spoken. This dream hits me like a brick and my heart is broken. But I recall back in our timeless memories, the ones I hold onto so tight. Remembering how we loved eachother so much and right. But those days are long gone and dead. It’s time to let it go and let it rest.

Farewell, my almost lover.

Our love was like a drug, it was formidably addicting. The days felt euphoric and I couldn’t describe the feeling. It was like being on a high that lasted for days, months even. But boy did I know, what this would bring me. I was so blinded by love, my own heart deceived me. His demeanor changed completely. His texts got shorter, His distance was revealing. And he had a few secrets he was concealing. Even in the back of my mind, I knew something was off. But my mind was so blinded, I still loved him through it all. In turn, my messages became longer, Distance didn’t exist. And all of my secret were now his. I gave him all of me just so he could give me not even half of him. But once I stood back and saw this bigger picture I didn’t want to do this again. Despite me trying to scatter and pick up the pieces of what remained, Yet in the end all I felt was the shame. Why was I fighting so hard over somebody who wasn’t faithful? But I knew I had to be more mature rather than hateful. In the end, the truth finally came to light.

Time after time I’d complain about the circumstances of my life. Whether it was me giving my all or the fact I loved with all my heart and still wasnt his wife. I could never understand why this was happening to me? I worked so hard externally and internally for who I am supposed to be. Yet it seemed my life was in a turmoil and I was out of luck. Feeling out of place or stuck in a rut. Yet reflection hit me like a million bricks. I keep going back to certain situations thinking they’ll be magically fixed. Whether it was giving that toxic family member forgiveness for what they had done. Or the ex I went back too multiple times, he felt like he was winning. It seemed I was losing and my head was spinning. Why no matter how hard I try to be forgiving it eats me up and spits me out. But that was a lesson for me to learn about. The awakening hit me and reality set in, Do not let the wrong people within. Prioritize yourself first and foremost. And watch your life change and you’ll begin to grow. The awakening set in, Letting it go, And letting something else begin.