There is not a word spoken, music does not fill the room, we are sounded by nothing but silence and each others arms. The stillness is so pure that I listen to your heartbeat as I feel your chest rise and fall beneath me. Each breath, each moment, we share now with nothing but each other, I fall more and more in love with you.
I wish we could stay in this moment for eternity, it would be the closest I would ever come to heaven. The splendours of art, literature, music, none could compare to this pure moment of connection, of being in silence with you.
I don’t let time creep into my mind, if I can forget it it brings me closer to this eternity I crave. But eventually, after however long, I finally break this beautiful silence; I whisper the only words that I could manage, at the lowest decibel my voice could achieve and you repeat the same to me and hold me a bit closer as we return to our beloved silence.
“If only you had worked harder, done better, been the person I wished you were. Then maybe you’d deserve better, maybe something could go right for you.But you live a lie with a masquerade mask you’re unable to remove; you’ve fooled everyone but me.”
“You’ve apologized to everyone but me, but even for those people you haven’t changed. How many apologies will you tell with no intention to change?”
“and they all pity you so despite how they hate you for what you’ve done to me”
“do you even want to change?
are you strong enough too?
or will you just learn to lie
to everyone else
and let this fester
until it kills us?”
as he concludes, he lets his head fall, and his eyes finally escape
his enemy in the mirror
“pick up to one fifteen” I raise my flute to lips "…one, two, three, and…” the hall erupts with musics as I try my best to play along and to keep up the facade of all the stories I am told by those for whom I care that i deserve to be here to play among my peers that I’m better than i think, than i let myself believe
they don’t understand I am undeserving of the praise still, I play along and don’t cry until I’m alone again
I’d hate to be a failure and a problem
I’ve created a monster It’s all I can think about It’s sharp claws haunt me
I’ve stoped eating I sleep as much as I can to avoid thinking about it
but still I can’t get the memory out of my head
I keep waking up and not feeling better I don’t think I can sleep any longer
despite my best efforts I get up and walk to the washroom where i know it waits for me,
the monster I’ve created
As autumn passes I watch everything around me die and i slowly grow tired of this constant lie I can’t light a candle without matches I can’t keep going, smiling, to all my classes I’m tired and watch the leaves fly I find i’m jealous of everything else getting to die while i’m stuck here as day after day passes
I watch leaves fall Floating in the wind flying, looping, and whirling down
As they fall to the ground A thought passes through my mind and i want to find out if I’ll fall or fly
I am standing outside the chill of the night is sharp against my skin I stare up at the moon and the lights polluting the sky, cars and sirens make music around me I know millions of people in this city go about their lives without a thought and I want nothing more than to disappear into the night.
I look back to the moon as a tear rolls down my cheek and I go back inside