Eyes pointed straight at me Straight as a finger as though they were damming me. I felt cold shivers and a burning sensation rose high in my cheeks as I step each toe to the grown daring not to make a sound. With each heels raise slightly in fear as though on hinges, my movements became steady. Like that of a lever on a piano. Intricate enough to think that I was a wild cat closing in on prey. Though it was quite the opposite. I was the prey.
I stifled a cry…
And saw a pair of pure emerald green eyes lurking at the corner of a bush.
My heart beat slowed as I realised this creature with long spindly arms was pointing. It was pointing at the direction to my next escape route.
My eyes gleamed with gratitude as a forged my way through the trees careful enough no to go near the creature.
She walked past, in this crowded street full of people. Not looking them in the eye. Averting them when she had the chance to. Combing her fingers though her dark waist length hair. Occasionally shoving them over her face like some sliding curtains. Keeping her eyes narrowed just at the points of her flat shoes. She regrets the conversation she had the day before. She blushed all the way through, masking the fear she has inside. Pretending everything was okay. Smiling thought crying inside. She was so awkward at everything wishing she’d just disappear or turn invisible. Wishing she was at least that water in the corner not having to deal with all these people staring at her red face. The redness shone as though it was a spectacle. Or so she thought.
We my because we couldn’t dance, But shuffled along the sidelines Where the second stringers sat. Through seasons after seasons Studying the bright heard wood beneath the feet.
Out on the floor, Beneath the suns glow through the windows Or over a lake where the moon watched on moors, Their agile friends and outs made moves beyond belief- like making love we thought And practiced we did in our minds. The moves our limbs could never learn
On that dim lit periphery Where time is always out, And our shadows turn around We had our own eternity. To get it right and found in our two tuneless hearts a common beat, A common breath.
I think of this Years later as we fold the sheets, Matching seams and corners, Coming closer with each fold Like graceful ballroom dancers, Mindless of our own feet.
I saw the whole thing Life flashing before their eyes Like a flash of lightening And souls fading in the dark Like ghosts In blood At first Terror struck When their head became last thoughts to think one last time At the realisation of death and fear over flood just like the blood leaking out their wounds. Then the soul lifted up and got stuck from the shoulders till the neck almost chocking the body before it left. And the way the body jumps up and blinks and stays wide open staring back at the earth. One like look. Till the soul dispersed. Like rainbows. Celestial and beautiful floating away like the petals of a delicate flower in the wind. Who could have know that death could be so beautiful.
Angered waves eat away at the shore. The wood on this floor creeks like slamming doors. Even the moors are afraid. When the waves quieten you can her she screams and laughter of babaling guls. Sounds like peaking at skulls. Everyone this evening is dressed feverous in yards of wool. To keep the live waves out. Every room decorated in shells and wood. And in every hollow shell carries the sound of salt. Listening and copying the waves.
I feel like I’m on the edge of an black void That maybe that void has answers that I desperately need To quiet down those constant questions or old conversations Feels like I’m so far away from everything That a piece of me is missing that I can’t function properly And I’m loosing all those happy memories Those memories of summertime, eating strawberries on sticks Even when the heat was too much, with the sunburns I still want to go outside and breath that city air and talk to anyone especially with that accent Spending the day socialising inside with the A/C on blast and nights on colourful streets Those memories of wandering aimlessly in the night with dozens of flashing and glaring lights Like your on some stage With no audiences because everyone’s on the stage Walking past some of the most oddly dressed people but beautiful to look at makes you feel like your with them wearing the same odd colours that makes you feel confident and you know you look weird but you don’t feel it because your not the outlier anymore and you just don’t care. When you see familiar faces And the same places All those happy memories comes back And it feels so foreign but you belong You feel whole again I remember that dog called cherry which came into the flat and landed on me and started to lick my face off I remember my friend called sammy and telling him in my baby voice “I’ll be back” copying the terminator movies we both recently watched then laughed and cried all the way to the air port. I remember that I used to wake up every day at 7 just to watch my favourite show the Sesame Street And being obsessed with Care Bears because every 4 months we’d come beach to England and my auntie would read it to me. And that i got lost in that American brand shop called maicys and 2 hours later an cop found me on the 3rd floor by the lift and remembering that I was so scared that I’d end up bumping into women who had the same long back coat that my mum had