It was Friday afternoon, Zara was out of school. Just gotten home from after school . She was tired and hungry, but had no money. Momma left her at 13 for a crack feen. Her father was behind bars before she was even born, so she knew no dad. Was fortunate to have her grandmother, but she lost her, a couple years back due to her battle with cancer. So now the government got her in the system. She was forced to live with a family who treat her nice in public, but behind the curtains is a war zone. Raped by her foster dad; had 3 abortions and currently pregnant by the man she calls dad. Not a biological father but something like it and he can’t even pretend. So here she is hungry, pregnant, and late for work. She drops her books off at home and grabs a bite of her Momma J’s pb & j but her pb & j tastes like shit. It’s a week old and it’s all she has to eat. She can’t even take the smell of peanut butter for nothing anymore with this pregnancy, but every day she craves it. This pregnancy offends her and drains her, but she can’t complain. Hey, it’s one of God’s blessings any way. That’s what she’ll say, but if she even raises her tongue one second to utter one word about the unborn child or this pregnancy, then she’s slapped down. She’s got bruises on her cheeks. She covers it up with Maybelline. Sometimes she could barely see, but in public she fakes a grin or she’ll just end up back on the streets. Momma J don’t play that. Quick to pick up the phone for some bs like if she complains about the way she’s being treated to the social worker, then she threatens to kill her. But yet she still enjoys mistreating her. She knows Zara’s pregnant too. She’s more excited about the baby more than Zara. Shit her husband beats her too, but she plays it off like boo boo the fool. It’s crazy how Zara’s name means “blooming flower” but she can’t even bloom like a flower. Now Zara arrives at work, 15 minutes late. Her boss warns her once more about her tardiness; he’s tired of giving her so many chances due to the fact that she’s pregnant and struggles to pay rent at 17. She pays most of her foster parents bills and still has no place to really call home. Oh how can this be!? Luckily, she works at Wendy’s. That jr. bacon cheeseburger slaps every time. Thank God she can at least get free food for her unborn and self. ‘Cause going home she can’t even get a decent meal. Just coleslaw and bologna is all she’s used to. Old mildew peanut butter and jelly sandwiches too. At least she still gets some kind of food. At work her coworker Dawn who’s jealous of her spits in her food. They get into a brawl. Zara stabs her with a butcher knife then runs her pockets. 300 dollars is enough to get a motel room for the night. But first she must hop on a flight. LA it is; the getaway for the night. She absconded hastily from the scene like if she had forgotten she was pregnant. Before the cops came she was out. On her way to a new city, where life will start a fresh. Luckily she still had a heartbeat and the baby was still kicking. She can’t believe she’s pregnant, a murderer, and just left the crime scene.

The first meeting with God is a meeting with the devil and his demons. He comes like an angel to “woo” you but deep down inside he’d wish he slew you. He wishes that you would have stayed in the darkness and blind other people.
Laughing cow Laughing moon They laugh because they don’t have a clue. Have no clue of their souls and where it lingers. Easily the one to get swallowed up in the world’s deceit.
False news and bigotry Slapped with misconstrued history Hacienda historia Ahora tiempo I’m making history right now Spilling beans bout this accordance of a cult leader Human slayer Soul thief And the world’s greatest GOAT Hell’s manager.

Woman A mystery Beauty is her mark here She can’t be pleased so easily Divine

How can I forgive someone who finds joy in hurting me? How can I extend a hand to someone who spit in my face? How can someone be so cruel? Take away my innocence and abuse me mentally and physically. I can’t even speak. You took away my speech. What a beach! I gave you too much power over me. Never have I ever known peace with you! A Wolf in sheep’s clothing. Your sweet kisses of nothing only led me to sin. I went from loving you to hating you. What a disgrace! It used to be much easier to forgive than to forget. Now I dismissed you and put you under the rug. It still is easier to forgive only because I found God. He forgave me and taught me how to forgive , so therefore I forgive and I forget. Forget I ever met you, as if you never existed. I love you, but I’ll let you miss it.

Giving thanks for all that is; the good, the bad and ugly too. Give thanks for all that is. The morning dew whips so cool. A taste of Heaven every morning is a blessing. Grace finds me again. Didn’t think he will find me again Picked me up and turned me around Showed me that my life had purpose and was worth fighting for. Grace showed me that when I wake up in the morning I should start my day positive so the rest of the day is positive.

It was him the one who always smiled at me every time we’d encounter each other. I became obsessed. Star struck on this dark skinned, tall chocolate man 😩. He called me beautiful every morning we saw each other. I felt like I was the only one in the room. One day I said, I would tell him my name and invite him out for lunch. I know it’s not really a woman’s job to take a man out on the first date, but I felt obligated to do so. He was worth it. A hard working man who delivers my mail with love, and I fell in love with his handsomeness. He walks through the double doors Monday morning as I sit in the lobby waiting for my love. Waiting to call him my own. He says, good morning. I say good morning. Then I ask him what’s his name and he tells me his name is Tony. I say my name is Sasha and I think I’m in love with you Tony. Would you mind coming on a date with me; grabbing lunch one day? He said oh no I’m sorry I’m not interested. I was crushed. The man who I thought I loved broke my heart. Now I don’t know if I’ll ever find love 😞.

You’ll get what you deserve, I’ll make sure of it. Thoughts after thoughts,after thoughts and I finally see why you never deserved me. Never planned a date to know me more. You just wanted the keys to my door. To lick the icing off of my cake. And grab my hair, to make me fear. Your masculine hands and authoritative voice. You wanted to be the boss of my world, but lacked thee understanding of what it means to be a boss. Lacked thee capacity to lead. Lacked thee understanding that the greatest in power must first serve to rise in power. The greatest man must first humble himself to be exalted. The proud man shall be humbled, and when it is so, he will know that no man is superior to any. This is simply a condolence note. I’m sorry that you never got a chance to know me better. I’m sorry that you missed the God in me. I’m sorry that you missed my value. I’m sorry that you couldn’t understand spiritual things to lead me in spirit. I’m sorry that I lost all respect for you due to your immaturity. I’m sorry that you missed the counseling session that you most definitely need. I’m sorry that I loved you unconditionally but you knew not. One day you’ll see that you missed the gemstone and this sad story will be on repeat .

If wishes fell like rain, then certainly I am a storm. I am searching, searching, searching for me. Not the me that you see But the me deep down Within my soul The purposeful me The divine me The gifted and talented me The graceful me The loving me The God-fearing devoted woman On a mission Breaking and dashing Singing and shouting me The rejoicing me The praying me The humbled me The warrior me The faithful most giving Won’t take bull Me The observer me The protector me The stoic spirit me Most of all the obedient to my creator me I am looking for her I lost her. It’s time to get her back!