“…Ergo, I must say, you are quite an interesting creature of delight, a lab rat of wonder, that I myself would love to understand.” Alia sits dumbfounded, gaping at what she heard. She pinches the bridge of her nose. “You know Haru, for someone who is a member of Mensa, that was the most stupidest love letter I’ve ever heard in my entire life.” “It’s actually stupidest-” Alia shushes him. “Whatever, Mr. Genius. That’s not the point right now.” She snatches the letter from his hands and crumples it. He looks down at his empty hands and back up at the crumpled paper. “I think I’m supposed to be mad now.” Haru grunts and scrunches his face inhumanely. He balls his fists and flares his nose. “Give it back!” Alia blinks in surprise before bursting into a fit of laughter. “That was a good try Haru. I’m sorry for crumpling your letter.” She hands it back to him and slumps next to him on the bed. Haru glances at her for a moment, before quickly smoothening out his letter. “Okay, but for real,” Alia sits up, nudging his arm. “I thought alexithymia meant you couldn’t feel emotions. What makes you think that this one’s real? What makes you think you like Claire?” Haru furrows his brow. He notices their shoulders brushing. He notices that Alia was only 4 inches away from his face; he didn’t know why those were important, but his mind took note of it. His eyes then trail up, meeting Alia’s. Wrong. 3.5 inches. “Brown,” he mutters. “Brown eyes.” Alia smiles encouragingly. “Okay, that’s a start, what else?” His eyes shift towards her lips. Soft, pink, and beautiful. “Smile. Her smile.” An awkward silence settles. Haru fixates on her plump lips, intrigued. His fingertips brush against hers, a little zap of electricity running through him. 3 inches. Too close. Alia jumps up quickly and looks away. She coughs heavily, masking the small roses forming on her cheeks. “Okay, but they’re all physical traits,” she says, still not meeting his direction. “That’s infatuation. Do you like anything about her personality?” Haru looks down at the letter in his hands. “Every reaction has been a learned response. Things I’ve learned from watching other people, not things I feel.” He then looks up, eyes begging Alia’s to meet his. “But when I’m with her, it’s as if my heart is reacting as well, not just my mind.” He reaches for her hand, holding it gingerly. “She makes me feel, Alia.” Alia turns around in surprise. She grips Haru by the shoulder, eyes wide with excitement. “Oh my god, Haru. Did you just-that’s it.” She squeals and hugs him tightly. “Oh my god! You did it! That was perfect. Absolutely perfect.” She quickly grabs a pen and a fresh paper from his desk and shoves it into his chest. “Now, just write that and she’ll love it!” Haru slumps. Perhaps that wasn’t the right way to tell her.

Note: Achi – Hokkien honorific term for ‘elder sister’ Shobe – Hokkien term for ‘younger sister’

At 6:30 sharp, my phone rings like a wake-up alarm that I’d rather put a snooze to. Not because of the early grumbling to sleep in longer, but rather the foreboding call of plea that always hangs uneasily beneath the joyful shrill ringtone of Messenger. I inhale deeply, suffocating the aching pain in my heart before I answer the call. And there it was again, the same scene unfolding through the phone speaker like a script being acted out every day. My sister’s distressed cries echo into the night. She sobs out incoherent words.

“Take a deep breath. What’s wrong?” I ask, but merely out of courtesy. I already know what’s wrong. What’s been wrong every single day for the past months.

She doesn’t take a deep breath. “Achi, I’m a failure,” she chokes out in hurried gasps. “Everything’s going wrong.”

My heart clenches, but I say nothing. Instead, she continues.

“I can’t sleep. I haven’t been eating for the past weeks. I-”

She gags. A quick shuffling. Then a loud hurl, vomiting out everything. A short silence follows before she breaks down into a wail again.

“Everything’s a mess. Achi, I can’t do it anymore. I can see it.” She gasps, her voice quivering in fear. “They all look so disappointed in me. I’m a failure for everyone.”

Her voice muffles, probably from burying her face into her knees. “Please, I don’t want to see it anymore. Please remove it.”

I open my mouth, then close it. It has been months, and I don’t know what else to say anymore. So, I tell her.

“To be honest, Shobe, I don’t know what to say other than what I’ve been telling you. You’re not a failure. Everyone is working toward the same goal. Everyone is rooting for the success of this event.” I pause. “You’re not alone.”

“It’s okay, you don’t need to say anything.” She sniffs, her nose full of snot. “I just need you to listen. I just need someone to listen. Even if everyone else sees the happy and bubbly me, I just need one person to know I’m not okay.”

I sigh. Every fiber of me just wants to hug my little sister right there. My baby sister. But instead, all I can do is offer my voice and words of comfort 7,000 miles away.

“You’ll be okay. You can do this. I believe in you. Everyone believes in you.”

“Thank you, Achi.” I could hear a small smile through her soft voice. “I really wish you were here.”

I smile too. “I wish I was too. Get some sleep, Shobe.”

Then, like a timer, the call coldly comes to an end by 7:00 sharp. I leave for school, plastering a smile of okay.

The kiss was astronomical. Her lips soft against his, tongue flitting against each other at the right times. This was it. She was it—Valerie was the girl that Clive had been dreaming of. And after 5 years, he was here, kissing her under the heavenly bodies shrouded by the forest trees. Back when he confessed his feelings for her, she had rejected him. Clive knew it wasn’t right to say something while she was in a relationship but the words tumbled out so carelessly. They were too overwhelming. When she said friends, he thought that was it. He’d move on.

And he did.

But one thing he’d learn about the first love is that they hit you hard. It’s an impending asteroid that is bound to hit you and topple you off without notice.

So when this time she carelessly confessed to a ringed man, every evil fiber of him screamed to do the same thing as she did. To play with her feelings knowingly despite being taken. To tear her heart into a million pieces, to spew a slur of appalling insults, to hurt her so bad that she would be left with diagnosed depression and no self-esteem.

But he was Clive Addison, not Valerie. He couldn’t say no as easily as she did. He was weak for Valerie.

A moan escaped his lips and he pulled her closer to him, craving to feel her heat. Her hand gingerly cupped his face and traced his jawline.

He wanted her so bad. She was finally here with him, under the same moonlight. And for the first time, he felt as if he could utter the word, “mine”. After this kiss, they would go on crazy adventures of skydiving and pole dancing. They would talk for hours, hearts aching for each other. Then when the time was right, they would put a ring on it. They would build a life together, and finally fall asleep together. She was the one.

But as they drew back and he stared into her hazel eyes, he didn’t see a forever. All he saw was a catastrophe, teasing his feelings with the fantasy he’d always dream of.