I know I’m not his favorite. I’ve grown from overdraft payments, Piled debt, and budget conversations.
No gold in my pockets, only in my chest, Where those with golden status Are missing it best.
Their glory grows to greed Hidden behind veneers and weed Praised despite their many cheats.
I know i’m not his favorite, but I know i’m not his worst, Those in the light leave none for the hurt, Living on the street without even a shirt,
Whose riches in their heart cannot suffice, No matter the supposed golden advice. Money buys all, even your rights.
I couldn’t bare to be his favorite, To trade my humanity for a Cartier bracelet. Even the dreams of living in the highest places, Pale to the need for societal donations.
“Spare a dollar?” A disheveled man called. He reeked of the streets, “Where’s your blue collar?” I asked in return, I worked for these sheets, Won’t give it for a holler.
“Humanity not enough?” His slurred voice rang. Why won’t he let up? “I won’t pay your next puff.” I turned to leave, no beggar deserves sup’s no matter how rough.
“As you turn your back astray Consider me again When your life is being amounted on judgement day” His voice filled the vacant air. Fallen onto a deaf heart As the most important test of all I had unknowingly failed.
Slowly rotating on a plate, A muted buzzing, Bag growing inflate.
POP!
Kernels forced open, Leaving their shells, Peaceful spell broken, To the old them, farewell.
For they have been reborn, Through warmth, attention, Bloomed straight from corn, They are now free of tension.
The bump in your nose, The lines of your smile, The crinkle of your eyes, The angles of your teeth.
You often complain to me How these features ruin you, But really you just can’t see That vision of you isn’t true.
For your nose is those of Rome, Statues built to honor beauty.
Your smile means i’m home, Accepting me, even moody.
Your eyes radiate warmth That comforts with a look.
Your teeth only bring forth Stories of life, a book.
It’s easy to look in the mirror, And feel critical about these. Those very features reflected, staring at me, As my smile lines grow clearer, And the bump in my nose never flees.
But I look at them on you, On your face, they’re beautiful When comparing our faces too, The likeness is indisputable.
To look like you is an honor, You are all I want to be. To yourself you should be kinder, As it would also uplift me.
For our faces are the same, Built of the same code, I’m proud to reflect you, no shame. Do the same for yourself, it is owed.
Regardless of insecurity, We are mother and daughter for eternity. And of eachother we are proud, So let’s bare our imperfections loud.
For they are beautiful, and so are we.
Our hearts beat in tandem, pressed tight in a hug.
Just last week you could feel, my skin gripping yours.
But souls are not tangible, as im often a fool to believe.
You have left your vessel, abandoned in the ground.
An empty husk left to stare, yet destined to never see.
Those eyes once so full, duller than the wood.
Honoring your just gone life, feels wrongly premature.
When I still forget with a glance, you’re not now next to me.
I catch glimpses of you, echos of your voice.
Can’t rid of you so soon, leave you so easily.
You were my past You are my present But you can’t be my future
And for this, I will never forgive the world.
The goal of human existence is happiness. A happy family, including a happy spouse, happy kids, maybe a happy dog, in a happy neighborhood, with a happy job, where you can greet your happy coworkers, and live a happy life. A happiness that greets you in the mirror . A happiness that never leaves you. Right?
How many more times can I use the word “happy” before it becomes as meaningless as it looks and sounds?
5 letters rearranged in a certain order to make a certain noise to envoke a certain feeling to conjure a certain image of happy.
But what is it?
Happiness is a state of being, isn’t it?
But to exist as happy, you’ve had to exist as anything but. A high point among a series of lows, the one moment that made you think, “this is why i’m living this life.”
If everything is a high, with nothing to compare you very well may think, life is in despair. Happiness comes in doses, when it’s needed most, because if the sun never set, and clouds never rained we’d never come to appreciate the warmth of its rays.
Nervous energy threatens to consume as I desperately search for the reassurance of your presence.
But in the back of my mind I know, my searching eyes will stay searching and my heart will grow heavy with the weight of carrying this energy without your support.
The piercing eyes of onlookers, stab me sharper with the knowledge that yours are not included. I’m stuck here, baring myself to them, these strangers i don’t know, when it supposed to be to you. I did it all for you.
Yet you’re not here.
My stomach begins to tighten, hurt, I can’t bring myself to care, Holding my sides through my shirt, As I’m gasping desperately for air.
Doubling over on the ground, Streaks of tears roll down my face As my brain rolls round and round, No longer concerned with grace.
I don’t remember what was said To cause me this trouble internally. The moment stretches in my head, I’d like to live in it for eternity.
Sharing laughter with my friends, Burying our stress with the sound, Our faces scrunched, hearts being mend, Listening to the rythm of our joy pound.
A cure for every disease The light within my sight Dragging with him, expertise Full of medicines alike His mysterious demeanor Acts as a magnet, pulls My mind feeling cleaner Reaching to him in lulls
Without his pull on me, I surely might die Metaphorically or literally, Only he can decide For both would be true As he keeps me so stable I wouldn’t have a clue On my own, i’m not able
all their eyes focused on me see through my lies won’t let me be
weight of their stare under my skin pulling out hair comfort falling thin
could be my head though probably not wishful thinking unread i know i am caught
they’ve found me now my time has run out they knew i was hiding now ill just be without
take me away i’m no longer scared don’t bother to pray i won’t be repaired
the fight has ended i fear i have lost your reach has extended to my every thought
