It's impossible to describe the sheer terror I felt as we looked into eachother's eyes. Fight or flight had kicked in and for once, I didn't want to fly away. For once, I wanted to stay and let this man in completely. But I couldn't tell if he felt the same. I smiled and tilted my head, examining the expression on his face and trying to determine if he was as happy to have his arms around me as I was to be wrapped in them. I finally felt safe. I finally felt free. Free from all of the doubts I had. Free from my own mind. I finally felt like I was worthy of being loved. If only I could tell that he truly loved me back.
Forgiveness isn't that simple As hard as I try To forget was to forgive and I knew I could never forget
Some memories fade Others stay forever To forget was to forgive, And I knew I could never forget
Apologies are like bandaids On scars so deep they stay forever To forget was to forgive, And I knew I could never forget
There are days where I feel like I'm thriving And there are days where my own existence annoys me On my worst days I have to remember; If it's not alright, it's not the end
A brown eyed girl once told me that And those words ring clear as day when I no longer wish to survive If it's not alright, it's not the end
Are you okay with how the story ended? Not just life. But small events too If it's not alright, it's not the end
Until you find your peace, the story has not ended. If it's not alright, it's not the end
(this is a poem I will be coming back to. I feel like it's more of a thought dump than a poem)
"I have to tell her" those five words were ringing through my mind. A never ending echo throughout the deepest cave you could imagine. There was no way around it. She had to know the truth. My secret identify. I glanced at her across the room, her dark brown hair framing her face as she scrolled through tik tok on her iPhone. "Hey... Chicky, can I talk to you?" I somehow managed to get out before I could make any other decision. "Ugh. I hate that nick name" she rolled her eyes as she looked up at me. I chuckled, I had gave her that nickname accidently when she was about a year old and now, ten years later, I couldn't help but call her it when I needed to get her attention fast. "What is it?" She asked. "Actually, I think it would be better if I just showed you..." I sighed.
Red crayons colored the papers that held our fears And those red crayons drew maps for so many tears
Purple skies clouded with rain And those purple skies brought us so much pain
Purple skies and red crayons brought together two people who didn't know what to do And now the paper was white, And the sky had never looked so blue
"YOU BROKE ME" she cried."You knew all my fears, my weaknesses, my dreams, and you took all of it and BROKE me"The tears streamed down her face. This man, the one standing a mere 2 feet in front of her, was the man she once thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with.
"Jane, stop" he stepped closer, sighing when she put her hands up and motioned for him to halt. She couldn't bare him to be in any closer proximity to her than he already was. She looked down at the ground, not wanting to see the pity in his eyes. "I love you. You know this" he whispered.
"LOVE?" She shouted. "This isn't love. Love doesn't hurt like this..." Her voice trailed off as ahe listened to her own words. Words that had been told to her over and over again by her best friend every time she called her and vented. Words that she had been ignoring and brushing off... Until now. And in that moment she knew what she needed to do. The thing that would break her heart more than he ever could. She had to leave.