An unfortunate soul I am, On my knees, I pray to a higher power I don’t know truly exists.

My skin is is tainted with life’s many Devilish pleasures. I want to be good, But how can I be good when I know I am Damned.

The sins that envelope me, Taunt me, for they know the untold evils That lurk within Me.

I roll the dice, spin the wheel of fortune. I dance with the Devil himself everyday, And he never forgets to remind me Where I truly Belong.

I love you how a dog loves its’ master. An undying loyalty and dedication to only You.

You hurt me, leave me out in the cold to waste away. But I will always come back to You.

Fed only scraps and left for dead, I’d dissipate into nothing If it meant to please You.

I know, I’m not the one you would pick first, A stray. But I can’t find it in this bleeding heart to let go of You.

January 5, 2003

I stare into the mirror, gazing at the shell of what once was. I touch my withering skin, rub my tired eyes, and shuffle away. The bitter chill of the air nipping away at my joints. The house, unable to retain any source of heat, feels colder than usual. The creeks I once sought to bring me solace, now haunt my every step, echoing around my barren wasteland of lost memories.

January 18, 2003

The house is unbearably quiet, I’m scared of my foot steps, my own shadow sending fear down my spine. I step into the bathroom once more, analyzing what stands before me. My cheeks have hollowed out, all the vibrancy I once held has been sucked from me. My hair lacks its’ luster, I tug on a few strands, watching as the pieces fall down to the floor. I am crumbling, decomposing right before my eyes. I am a living dead girl.

February 2, 2003

Sprinting into the bathroom, a metallic taste running rampant on my tastebuds. I clutch my mouth, trying to deter the blood from flowing out. I hunch over the sink spitting coagulated blood, along with looks to be my teeth in front of me. My body is rotting from the inside out. I look up into the mirror, I am unrecognizable. My reflection stares back at me, mockingly. She’s laughing at me, her lips upturned into a sinister smile. I pull more chunks of my hair out. I’m falling into delirium, and I know I cannot escape.

February 7, 2003

My raspy chuckle fills the stale air of the bathroom. I clutch the shards of mirror in my palms, blood seeping from the cracks of my fingers. No more antagonizing me, the monster in the reflection. I have won. I have won. I slump against the porcelain of the bathtub, I close my eyes, feeling victorious.

I have won.

Having the world at my fingertips, Life’s riches at my personal disposal.

Now it is though I’m Atlas, holding the world I used to own On my shoulders.

The weight I carry is unbearable, Beating me down, day after day.

I used to bathe in the eyes of glory. Now, I cower in the shadows.

As if I’m a stray dog, begging for scraps, Fighting at the bottom of the food chain.

Will I escape this Pandora’s Box?

You’re an unstoppable force, And I’m an unmovable object.

Together we are divine,

Without, we are lonely ghosts.

Hollow shells of who we once were. Floating along in the universe.

Our bodies crave each other’s most primal desires. Scratching, biting, and screaming for our love.

Don’t let us become the ghosts of who we

Once were.