An unfortunate soul I am,

On my knees, I pray to a higher power

I don’t know truly exists.

My skin is is tainted with life’s many

Devilish pleasures. I want to be good,

But how can I be good when I know I am

Damned.

The sins that envelope me,

Taunt me, for they know the untold evils

That lurk within

Me.

I roll the dice, spin the wheel of fortune.

I dance with the Devil himself everyday,

And ...

I love you how a dog loves its’ master.

An undying loyalty and dedication to only

You.

You hurt me, leave me out in the cold to waste away.

But I will always come back to

You.

Fed only scraps and left for dead, I’d dissipate into nothing

If it meant to please

You.

I know, I’m not the one you would pick first,

A stray.

But I can’t find it in this bleeding heart to let go of

You....

January 5, 2003

I stare into the mirror, gazing at the shell of what once was. I touch my withering skin, rub my tired eyes, and shuffle away. The bitter chill of the air nipping away at my joints. The house, unable to retain any source of heat, feels colder than usual. The creeks I once sought to bring me solace, now haunt my every step, echoing around my barren wasteland of lost memories.

Jan...

Having the world at my fingertips,

Life’s riches at my personal disposal.

Now it is though I’m Atlas,

holding the world I used to own

On my shoulders.

The weight I carry is unbearable,

Beating me down, day after day.

I used to bathe in the eyes of glory.

Now, I cower in the shadows.

As if I’m a stray dog, begging for scraps,

Fighting at the bottom of the food chain.

Will I escape this Pan...

You’re an unstoppable force,

And I’m an unmovable object.

Together we are divine,

Without, we are lonely ghosts.

Hollow shells of who we once were.

Floating along in the universe.

Our bodies crave each other’s most primal desires.

Scratching, biting, and screaming for our love.

Don’t let us become the ghosts of who we

Once were....