As i sit apon the cold hard toilet i feel asthough my bladder is exploding I must relieve it I must let the urnine go I start urinating It goes on and on Time had never passed so slowly It feels asthough this urnine goes on forever But then i hear a toot I am flabbergasted This wasnt supposed to happen I must put it back in My instinct shouts I start trying to fish it out of the toilet The urnine is on my hands On the seat On the floor On my face

Pee fart

I am a puzzle, though my pieces do not fit. I try to jam them into place, I try to fit in. My puzzle pieces are bent it hurts, why can’t they fit within. My puzzle pieces do not fit, gaps that lead that to pain.

My advice was sent with love, i threw it gently to you. I never knew the edges were sharp i never meant to cut you. Who’s fault would it be when i threw it but you asked. Who’s fault would it be when i didn’t know the edges where made of broken glass.

My secret job, i invoke bloodshed and fear. Every night when the sun falls, thats when my day starts. Me and that black hood are too different people. I am a loyal wife, mother and friend. That girl in the hood is cruel powerful. She may not be good or bad, that is a debate. As far as she knows its a separate category to kill the ones deserving of killing. At least thats the way she thought before tonight. Her boss was a powerful man, not physically for he was frail and old, but he had the power of speech and people that came along with the position of mayor. The mayor didn't know her other life, just the one that emerged at sun down. And he knew that she was good at her job. Last year he recruited her after witnessing her black hooded alter ego when she managed some personal business involing her daughters rapist. They mayor admired how professional the crime was and had the same mindset as her. "Some people deserve to be killed" ecery night was the same, read the list find the name, kill, cross off the name and collect the hefty payment. She had grown to love the way her black damascus blade glistened when coated in fresh blood. Eager to switch to her second self she rushed to the meeting spot where the list was exchanged. But now, in this moment she stood staring at that list. The letters that where scetched into the paper in pencil sent chills doen her spine, for it read her name. Not the name of the hooded girl, the name of the girl everyone new her to be, the girl that thrived and smiled in sunlight. And for the first time, she truly connected those people. She had revealed the murderous identity to the kind loving mother. Who was she? Who am i?

Eli couldn't stand leaving, but having to stay would hurt worse. Chicago had been his safe place. Living in their homey little apartment with mom and his little sister jane was the best his life could be. It all was great until some random asshole decided he was "sober enough" to drive. Until he swerved into my happy little family, taking their lives and mangling my leg. The legal stuff from juat a few weeks after was a complete blur. All he could do is recall that datk cold night, that tire screech, that excruciating pain, glistening red and shaky last breaths of the ones he loved. Mourning the times before, his mom listening to his boy troubles and jane begging him to play house. And his extinguished will to live, in the future and the present that hadent given him even a little space to breathe since waking up alone in the hospital. He only seemed to wake up from his sad dreamish state when opening the door to his dads new jersey home. The only memorys of his dad where from his early childhood. Almost nine years ago when he would've been 5 or 6, he would hide in his room every night. Never leave the room past 10, never unlock the door for anyone accept mom. Hold baby jane if she cried, the extra bottles where in the closet. That was the routine, and every nigh without fail... Dad would get home. It started quiet, jingling keys, heavy foot steps, stern voice that slured every next word. Then it was loud, unbearable to hear. Slaps and yelling and accusations, things falling bumping into walls and sometimes glass would break. After his storm it got quiet. Quiet enough to here mom, she quietly sobbed for hours until she was sure dad wouldn't get back up. Then eventually her quiet stepps would arive at the door. "Open up baby" she would whisper. Then she held me and jane and wiped my tears and promised everything was ok. When dad was gone things were happy and mom would smile and laugh, i could almost even forget that dad had ever existed. Now my anger at life was unbearable. My dad hated the fact i still existed and he made it known. To him a was a parasite that infested his home and stole his money, it was my fault i needed to eat and have a place to live i guess. Thats why he never was really home, i assumed he spent his night at the bar then went home with a different girl, or stayed at a friends place until he needed to get something from my home. On the rare occasion he was home he was awful. I learned that yelling back was not the best idea it was better to listen to the bullshit he said. I learned my lesson after a brisk right hook to the jaw anda push kick to the stomach.

I wish i had never let go. My grasp on life is weak. I wish i had never let go, maybe i could grab it if i reach. I wish i had never let go, to that hopeful little girl. I wish i never failed him, but i had to let her go.