I thought that middle school
would be the worst.
That’s what everyone said,
that everyone grows up and matures by the time
ninth grade starts.
And they did.
Most of them.
But the ones who didn’t prowl
the halls,
looking for their next victim.
Preying on the innocent.
And it’s not just middle school stuff,
the occasional middle finger,
or shove into a locker.
It’s the stuff that you can’t see...
TW ED (more from my book lol)
The first thing I wanted to lose
was my stomach.
Get rid of the little pouch
that formed when I sat down.
But the last thing you lose
is your stomach.
You lose your happiness
long before that.
Your identity,
your life.
Maybe in another lifetime,
I could have just
lived with that little pouch.
...
TW ED (more from a book I’m working on)
Is it bad
that I don’t want
a body like all the
supermodels,
the ones with perfect curves
and big boobs
and six packs?
That I want a body that
is skin-and-bones,
no curves in sight.
Why?
I don’t know.
Maybe because if I looked
like that,
then I’d be sick enough.
Then I can stop all of this
because I’ve gone the lowest I can go
without dying....
TW ED (another excerpt from a book I’m working on)
The stretchy blue
tourniquet is tied around my
arm.
The nurse feels around the
crook of my right elbow
for a vein.
She shakes her head,
undoes the tourniquet
and ties it onto the other
arm.
She feels around some more,
and unwraps the butterfly
needle from the plastic.
“I usually only use these on
little ones,”
she says,
“but your veins are s...
TW ED (an excerpt from a book I'm working on)
I turned 14 a week ago,
and my mom made me
this massive four-layer
chocolate cake with
strawberry jam between the layers.
It’s been my favorite since I
was six.
I blew out the candles,
wished to be skinny,
and cut my brother his slice.
Then my mom.
Then my dad.
My breath quickened.
My heart raced.
The room started spinning
and I thought that I was...
TW ED
you've caused me so much pain,
yet the love that i feel for you blinds me of it.
i've taught myself to turn my back
whenever you torment me,
whenever that sickly voice whispers
commands in my ear.
you are merely a voice in my head,
but you hold so much power.
never did i think that someone who
doesn't even exist
would be the bane of my existence.
but to me you exist as clearly as
the su...
I toss and turn in this bed that isn’t mine, the sheets scratching my skin, the blankets barely keeping me warm. I’m tempted to ask for another blanket, but then the staff will know that I’m not asleep, which will be seen as a “regression” in my treatment. Which means a longer stay. Which means a higher chance of being Wiped.
So I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep when the night nurses come...
TW ED__
__
__
_does it feel good,_
_little girl?_
_does it feel like you are_
_finally in control of your body?_
__
__
n-no.
it hurts.
my stomach is cramping,
my head is spinning,
they want me_ _in a hospital.
_good, that’s good,_
_little girl._
_that’s what you want,_
_right?_
_to prove to them that you_
_are sick?_
__
__
n-
i mean yes.
_you’re getting it._
_you go out there_
_and be the best ...
i don’t think I’ll ever be ready
for high school.
it always seemed so far away,
a tiny dot on the horizon line.
but that dot has grown closer
and closer to me,
its arms reaching out to grab me,
to take me away from my innocent youth
and into the world
of college and adulting.
whenever someone asks me how i feel
about starting high school next year,
i laugh and say that i’m not ready yet.
they la...
