I stand alone Staring at the heart of the home With an open door a broken floor Leads to an empty hall Where paintings fall A room that cannot speak A heart that can no longer beat Cobwebs glisten But no one listens Silence falls Echoes down the halls The key they’d given me still fit the lock but the house no longer felt like home.

I don’t think about it As I lay awake in bed, I always push my thoughts towards something else instead.

I don’t think about it As I start the day, I think about other things, honestly I’m doing Okay.

I don’t think about it As I’m driving my car, Other people are worse off than me, I wonder how they are.

I don’t think about it As I cook my evening meal, If I don’t think about it, then it will not be real.

I don’t think about it As I lie awake at night And if I don’t think about it, Then I’m sure I’ll be alright.

She was Elysian. There was and still is no other way to describe her. Pure, divine, serene. Just beauty. My own Snow White.

Unfortunately, there was a splatter of blood trickling down onto her wine red lips.

Delicate and still.

In her clasped hands she held lavender.

Red is my colour, garibaldi red. A colour I believe in. I wear it when my team play so that they will win. But they lose instead.

The whisper rumbled Across the sky, A tear tumbled Out of her eye. The murmur crashed Through the trees Lightening flashed: See me please

He sits in the faded armchair by the window, waiting for her. To pass the time he watches the cars zoom by, fancy things driven by electrics now. Woludn’t know the names if he tried. Couldn’t! He tries to find something more familiar, and settles on the hedge. He knows the names of the little purple flowers that are growing there, the ones that the honey bees are fussing over… lavender! Yes, lavender. He knows the smell too. It smells like her, and the soap she used. Didn’t she used to have lavender flowers in the windowsill? Maybe, that part is a little hazy. Sometimes he wonders if it’s a dream or a memory. His thoughts are interrupted by a presence. Female, but not the her he is waiting for, just… tea. Yes she is standing over him baring her teeth at him, he knows that she wants him to have a cup of tea again. He sighs. No point refusing. She will just leave it there and he will forget about it and it will go cold or worse still he will put it on the floor and when she does come she will step in it. That happened before. He thinks. He holds up his hands to receive the cup, willing them not to tremble this time. ‘Is..?’ He begins to say and then stops. He wonders about asking where she is. He feels the warm hand on his shoulder. ‘Is..?’ He tries again. He looks up into her eyes. He sees tiredness. He sees sympathy. He screws up his eyes and tries not to cry. He’s sure that happened before. How can he know words for emotions? Flowers? Bees? But not…her?

Earthquakes no longer feel so foreign to my body, Yet the world just carries on, calm and serene. A tsunami happening inside of my body, And people are unaware, it’s completely unseen. There’s a thunderstorm beating inside of my head, But life just carries on; day to day routine bore. Tidal waves crashing side to side in my head, This is what happens when you are not here anymore.

You are unaware of my stare, So wrapped up in your thoughts as you pass me by. You don’t realise that you are like me, You wouldn’t even want to try.

Too busy thinking what to have for tea, Lasagne, curry, or something low fat? Or could it be that your thoughts are more complex than that, This task is a distraction, from the turmoil you face at home. Maybe you just want to be alone.

I thought about fighting. But my hands were tied. I thought about running. But I had nowhere to hide. I thought about jumping. But my legs were like lead. I thought about leaving, but I stayed instead.

I’m all wrong. Not the right way around. Not upside down as such but maybe sideways? Stuck. Like a slinky stuck on the stairs. Missed a step. Stuck half way. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to make it to where I’m supposed to be. It just might take more time. And with that I’m fine.