I will watch the poisoned, water covering my eyes Spilling in a slow stead fast motion Making the journey from my highest cheek bones To the hollow of my chin Watch its glint in the artificial light It’s black edge tearing at the skin of my bruised neck Until it finally pierces my heart With no retribution No gentle touch No pity
But the vivid reminder of tainted skin Forevermore carved into the void of my ribcage

There is beauty in what I do not love. These objects injected so far into my skin that the magic that flows through me is mine.

Something I have claimed and stripped of its innocence. Its searing sweat and bubbling tears. Red lips of ruby and blood shot hooded eyes. 

I have stole it and had it adminstered far into my skin. Wrapping its body close to mine suffocating it with my own sorrow.

So, I will apologise to the wings that protrude from my battered spine. Pat the glimmering skin as if it was my child with care and love. Push my calloused fingers through the eyes covering my face.

Blinding it from ever facing what I have had to endure.

Her body laid among glass shards, dented black mental and steady streams of blood running down the fragmented vehicle.

It was almost an art peice. The kind the edgy artist who stayed in the corners of the highschool. Face painted in only backs and undeserved hatred to the world would heil like a God.

Not her. She analysed it with a displeasured faced, her golden eyelashes fluttering at her brow as she observed the scene from afar. One of the many in a crowd of murmuring, shrieking pedestrians.

Her mouth was open, revealing the offshade white and shitty piercing behind her lip in its full glory. It was endearing in a sense that this many people. Little connection but the red blood rushing theough their veins hailed at her black flower dress. Reached towards her with shaky resolves and called numbers of nonesense.

She walked away.

She could balme it on the ache of her feet, the hour jorney to her college finally having its piercing consequences vibrate theough her skin.

Or the peering clouds moving further into the eyes of the pedestrians as the building of magnitude could no longer hide it.

Say that the eyebags that rested at her cheeks clawed at her skin- to the point sleep could have grabbed at her at any moment.

It would be false but it wasn’t distain. Or sorrow that dilled her. Now even a sense of her own mortality.

It was as simple as pure indifference.

…

“I want that.” The little girl clutched on her pink fluffly toy pulling it away from her chest as she pulled her mothers dress.

An ugly bright yellow that made her face cringe and turn towards the newest artifact on the high street.

Her mother face remaied unreadable from her height. Her hands were clutched over her mouth, the brown hair pulled into bun-lightly shaked and a small gasp slipped from her mouth.

The girl did little to acknowledge the actions as she faced back towards the black dress. Following the bright red to the gold ring by her finger.

Her mother had one, she believed her father had one when he came back from his overseas trip yet she did always see him slip it back on within the deiveway.

She wanted one. No, desired - yearned for it. To wait for someone( her mother had informed her) was too much for her small kind to comprehend.

At the absence of her mother reaction she let out a small grunt as she took a step foward. Then another, each quick to her journey before a small crunch reounded from her feet.

It was then a tight grab, almost too similar to how her nanny started her discipline, pulled her back.

Her mother grabbing her shoulders. Haste words flying out.

“Dont look.”

“Oh no no no.”

“Poor girl.”

“So viel.”

“Disgusting.”

It was little to stop the repeating mantra in her head. A costant combination of sounds ‘i want that.’ As she faced the fallen body.

I love you in a way heaven cannot concieve I love you so much it has engulf me Eaten at my barren body That I pray for mercy Because your sweet hands never gave it Even though I know you are my perpetrator The one who will hold the torch And have the fire consume me I know all you envison is for me to be the sun And you the God who created it I will let you make scars on a ruined temple Carve me like stone chipping away at my form Until you uncover who I’m meant to be To you, and you only

My love, my Rosaline Destroy me and remake me

The world hasn’t started yet It hasn’t even turned while we ran It just been there waiting for our command That’s why it’s so beautiful Yet so special As we control it But don’t know a thing about Is this the crime of youth? Pure ignorance without knowing ignorance Yet we say growing up makes the world bad Yes it’s bad, but that’s our ignorance

It used to be so much easier to forgive than to forget Like the stupid things you did to me How you ran on the bed with dirty shoes How you would yell secrets How you would lie How you dirtied my body I forgot I forgot your touch on that night I forgot those dirty sheets Was I even angry? How my body was spread How my strands were in your hair How I bled How? Oh no? I don’t know that. But I know I don’t forgive you

While she drowned, I was on the beach chair.

It was the only thing I could say about the girl. I didn’t know anybody at the swimming pool, really. I was just there. That girl was no different. Sure, I passed her on the halls a few times when I changed classes. But I never was in the same class as her, our schedule’s never matched. It was only because this was the biggest party in the school and my friends insistent begging, that I even went there. I wanted to stay home and catch up on Mr Brown homework. Thank you for the towel. I- I. She died infront of my eyes but I can’t tell you anything. It didn’t seem like was having a fight she just stayed underwater for one minute too long.

“That’s enough thank you.” They both walked away from the scene. Talking to themselves as the woman chipped away the bottle and I chipped away at my nails. It was annoyingly annoying to my ears at the time.

“Do you mind coming in for more questioning? I know you must be tired and traumatised from what you’ve seen but we would like to get to the bottom of this while the memory is still fresh.” His voice smelled like mint. Not normal mint, no. The one my mom would never let me have smell.

Of course, detective.

What an interesting year we had after that. It was so bittersweet when it ended. I remember being on a beach chair at the end of it.

Chapter 2

Beautiful. The first time I saw you. Beautiful. As the sun glowed on you and the rain dripped down, I knew I loved you. You could take so many forms each one unique and beautiful in their own ways. I’m saying beautiful too much, aren’t I. But you are. I wonder how God managed to keep the angels blameless of the sin jealousy when he made you. Is that why so many try to hurt you and pluck you out in vain only to admire you for a little and let you die. Every bit of you is everything I want to cherish and love. Even when I may bleed I hope that it only makes you stand out more as you are… perfection.

To my dear Flowers

What was life in the eye of the person who owned it This Snap Cold and breathless Dull and simple Untainted by human touch but human consequences Nothing familiar but all still Was I supposed to enjoy this, thing Life, an image that can never have one meaning Snap But only one purpose Or was that thinking too hard about snowy mountains Are we really that important? Or are we fooling ourselves As we fool this image that we are looking at it And nor what we can’t reach I’m here but I want to be here And that is my Snap Camera

“Criminal 163872. You will die in prison unless you want to admit all the things you have ever done. And I don’t mean stealing some candy from the sweet shop.”

“It was my mistake to let her live, I’ll admit that.”

“Criminal 137529. Admit your bad deeds and we can look at a plea.”

“It was my mistake to take care of her, I’ll admit that.”

“What happened? I don’t know? Maybe I was the one who blew up her daughter or maybe she was the one who blew up her daughter or neither. I mean I’m still in one piece so I would pick neither.”

“Okay. I trained her to survive to be the cruelest in the game. I’m not at fault. She had a gun on the side of my head and she still let me down like that shit of a father she has.”

The air was in suffocating every time she talked about her mistake of caring in the times she spoke. She spat out her words like a snake every word looking like a bite closer to his head. It was the gentle breath of his throat as he cleared it up and tipped his chair closer to her face. Her facial features got closer together as the unbearable smell of cologne reached her nose. Her sense of smell was weak but when she smelled that smell she could have smelled as good as a bitch.

“If we’re gonna do this your gonna to tell me your relationship with her. The real one.”

“Are you fucking me? The woman that tormented me. Beat me to a pulp. Reigned her title as her mother like a fucking trophy?”

“Was your sister.”

It was separating them first that he wanted but she was more entertained by the proposition than surprised by it. Her smile was flashing as it broke her face apart as she erupted into laughter. Not because it was so un-believable but because her only family was her sister she was an orphan. She is a murderer, a lier, a whore and a damn great asset to kill people but that new tag was more shattering than the others.

“No, your sister is as bad as you think. She didn’t spare you. She just wanted you to be able to live long enough to enjoy the pain.”

“What? Been digging around in the past? What pesky people.”

“Not asking more about the thing I just presented to you. So did you know or, or are you just so scared of dying. I guess even the devils has a fear.”

With another steady breath he pulled a sheet from under his chair and let the paper and plastic collide. With a more gentle touch he opened it to the page with a red sticker turning it around so she could see the only clock she truly would have to care about.

“Every time she gave you food she was slowly killin you. You’ll start feeling the effects in a few weeks. We can’t save you but we can condemn the person who enable us to do this. If, you prosecute against her.”

It was the same laugh except this one was dark and twisted lower than hell itself. This was a laugh of anguish and true defeat. The game was rigged from the start. Now instead of plastic and paper. It was skin and plastic. Banging into the table as it was heard across the hall.

“You know someone in this bar, somewhere told me that we all lose in the game of life just some lose harder than others. I wonder who lost harder between us two.”

In that same day she learned that information she asked her, her thoughts . A small chuckle fell out her mouth. Her throat vibrated as the words were spoke and after they both stretchers out their backs across the wet grass and the clearing sky.

“Well in a race it doesn’t matter if you lose by a mile or a millisecond you still lose so does it really matter how bad you to lose and not win. Nobody loses harder just in a different way.”

They would both tell you as one in the ground and the other on the run that if peace could be described in one time that was the moment.