The screaming never stops, it is incessant, The whole day long it never ceases to stop, It really doesn’t take much for you to strop, The moon finally rises in a crescent

The night has come and so has release It is time for bed for you the time has come I am relieved but also not so, I am your Mum All I endeavour to do as such is to please

Silence has finally fallen and a tear rolls I feel such a failure and a fool I begin to sob as I turn an look at the door

Motherhood has had its tolls I love you both dearly as a rule I will always love you forever more I

I stared down at the wires and to my mind it made so much sense and yet it made no sense.

I had been used to this feeling for awhile now, nothing really bothered me anymore, I just felt so numb all the time that all I could utter was

‘Meh’

I sighed a picked up the fallen knife and continued to chop the vegetables for my children’s dinner.

The next time I looked down at my arm the wires where gone and instead was a gash surrounded in dried blood. I stared again and got lost in my own mind as I often did.

‘Well that’s new’ I said to myself giving the wound a poke

I was used to weird things happening to me, nothing surprised me anymore and yet this did.

Am I human or am I machine? I did not know but for the first time in weeks I felt something again the cold numbness melted and in its place erupted a feeling of curiosity.

I need to know what is going on, I need to know!

Odd things like this had been happening for a long time, ever since the ‘Zoglak’ company had started releasing their technology to the public.

Something wasn’t right and I knew in my heart that it was Zoglak’s fault! I had to fix this for my children I couldn’t let this continue! I wouldn’t!

There is a little boy who in his short life has been through so much! Too much in fact.

It started the very day he was born, he was early and I don’t mean days early I mean weeks. He was cut out of the womb and was in such distress he didn’t breath or cry for what felt like one hundred years but when he finally did it was the biggest relief I’ve ever felt in my life!

The next two weeks we spent in the NICU waiting for him to get better, it felt like we were going 2 steps forward and 3 steps back but eventually he was able to come home.

We noticed he was slow to develop nothing too alarming at first but definitely slow.

Despite this things were going well up until he was about Eight months old when a locum gp misdiagnosed him saying he had a chest infection when in fact he had a severe case of croup and almost died. He was almost intubated and transported to London but my brave clever boy started to improve just before they did.

Now we skip ahead to fifteen months when I noticed something about his testicle wasn’t right, he had a huge growth. After many tests and a weeks stay at a children’s hospital in London we were given one of the worst pieces of news a parent can hear...

He had cancer

It was a rare cancer called a yolk sac germ cell tumour that was luckily treatable and in a very early stage so was treated by surgery to remove the tumour and his right testicle. To this day he still has check ups and blood tests.

When he turned two he still wasn’t walking or talking. At 25 months he finally started to walk but speech was non existent.

At this time he auntie who we were both very close too committed suicide

A year later professionals were finally concerned enough about his development to look into it and he is currently still waiting on an autism diagnoses but it’s very obvious he has it and quite severely too!

In September his uncle who we were both close too died suddenly at the age of sixteen from a sudden brain haemorrhage.

Just before Christmas we also found out that his massive head that has been being investigated since he was in the womb was caused by a mutated gene called the pten gene which will lead to Cowdens syndrome which increase his chance of certain cancers drastically. All his problems minus the croup and the cancer were caused by this little gene.

You see my little solider has been so much in his short life! He recently turned four and is the happiest little boy you could ever meet and he loves his little brother very much.

Logan has been through so much in four years and has so much.

That’s what bravery means to me

My Logan

Missing you is like no pain I ever knew

Wishing everyday I could just speak to you

Even though I know you’re gone for good

I still looking longingly at a place you stood

It’s so unfair that you left so soon

To see you again would mean more than the moon

I miss you so much dear sister

It hurts more than a blister

Every night I ask please come home

Without you I am so alone

Sister dear sister I ask you please

I just want to give you a squeeze

You were my very best friend

You never failed to defend

How I miss you so

Now I don’t even have Joe

I’ve only. been left with stories

All I have is memories

The cold wind whistles and howls in the night as I try to cling on to the branches of the big Oak tree, I watch as my brothers and sisters get blown away never to be see again.

All a leaf like me dreams of is living out our lives on our ancient tree, seeing in all 4 seasons and then departing in the midst of winter to float around contently until finally we fall gently to the ground.

Being blown from our branches is not the way for a leaf. It will not be my way!

Another gust of wind and I nearly fall but no need to worry, i think the wind might start to settle and the sun will rise ushering in a brand new day for me the little green Oak leaf.

The wind slows and the cold grows less I think the storm is over now and those that remain could rejoice but when night comes again another storm will follow.

I watch the children who come up to the tree, the talk of the highest branches and which one could get there.

They all attempt to get as high as they can but when one boy reaches my branch night begins to fall and the wind began to whistle.

A gust of wind pushes the boy from the tree, as he falls he grabs onto me and off my branch I come as we fall to the ground.

The wind continues to howl and the rain begins to pour I’m being blown over the hills and far away from my colossal Oak tree.

I see fellow leaves like me some of Oak, some of Birch , Ash and Maples few. I think I might have even seen Willow too.

The sky is dark and the moon is bright, the rain is wet and the wind is cold. I pass over rooftops and rivers.

Will I ever be able to lay upon the ground or back in my tree? Or will I be jumped in by children so small or maybe I’m just destined to float for the rest of my days?

Finally the sun comes up and the wind dies down and finally I float on a branch. I look up and down and smile with glee I’m only back at my beloved Oak tree