Chuck/Vanessa/Jeanie/Eddie,

Today is my first day out at my new home. I actually arrived on Saturday, but Monday always feels like real beginnings of things. Like we always said “I will get started on that on Monday”. So I’m writing you this letter over my Monday morning coffee (still tastes like world’s best thing) and calling it my first day.

It may come as a surprise how much I’m going with share about myself, in this and I believe multiple subsequent letters. More than I had ever shared throughout the ten years we worked together. It once was my deliberate choice to never wander too far past the line between personal and professional.

There were a few exceptions if you recall. Especially when Barry was let go last year, and the bunch of us took him out on his last day. My memory is not clear, except for the part when I went on about how hard it was to work for Jennifer-the-Managing-Director. That part I remember, because even in the drunken moment I wondered if I overshared and she would find out and what happened to Barry would happen to me. Then nothing came of it. So I knew two things: either one, you were all trust-worthy, or two, my policy of never sharing too much unless everyone had at least three drinks actually was sound. Or both.

Anyway the day after I found a video on my phone. We were sitting by the bar of that Sushi restaurant with black and red half-curtains. They closed for business but the evening staff were all out taking sake bombs with us. Teriyaki beef slices were sizzling on the hibachi iron and smoke was coming up. We fell down the high tops laughing when meat was flipped into the drinks and Barry fished it out with his hand and ate it and yelped “hot hot!”

All ten years at the firm, that was the night I let my emotions go wherever it wanted. When we watched Barry getting into his cab in the small hours of Saturday morning, I thought perhaps that was my happiest and saddest night at the same time. He spent twenty-five years in that office. It took him getting fired for me to find out Barry played in rock band on the weekend.

I decided to write not to just reminisce about the past though. In the weeks of preparing for this new life, including the four thousand miles I drove to get here, I’ve been thinking about our corporate existence, what we share for people to know, and what we don’t share but people still know.

While looking at nothing but cornfield rushing past my car window for hundreds and hundreds of miles, I thought about why the cocktails are always the strongest like sugary poison when we welcome new comers, why on certain Mondays some of us really do have to take Adderall just to start processing emails, why we dig for gossips so viciously like bloodhounds, obliterating any chances of authentic friendship. I also thought about Jennifer-the-Managing-Director too, believe or not :).

And being the Analyst on the team, I suspect I will continue to think about it until my new life starts to occupy more and more of my mind, and our office on the Eighth Avenue starts to fade. But that will not be for a while.

Until then, I think maybe what I’m going through and reflecting on can benefit you, those who remain, in some helpful ways. Because you have all the time to feel, but no time to think. I, on the other hand, have all the time to think now.

Wishing you all the very best.

Until next time…

Your truly,

Adam

In a bustling city filled with noise and commotion, there lived a man named Allen. Tired of the chaos and stress, greed of his daily life, Ethan made a life-altering decision. He decided to leave the rat race behind and embark on a journey of solitude and self-discovery.

Ethan had always yearned for a simpler existence, away from the constant demands and expectations of modern society. So, he packed his belongings into a single backpack and set off into the unknown. Leaving behind his job, his apartment, and all the trappings of his former life, he ventured into the wilderness.

Allen faced harsh weather conditions, nights spent shivering under the open sky, and the constant need to find food and water. Loneliness crept in during the long nights, as he missed the company and comfort of his former life. Yet, he persevered, driven by the longing for a different kind of existence.

Allen felt a growing sense of liberation. With each step he found solace in the untouched beauty of nature, far away from the noise and pollution of the city. He adapted to the harsh environments by constructing a small shelter amidst the towering trees, embracing the tranquility of his newfound home. In this sanctuary, there were moments of fear and uncertainty, as wild animals roamed nearby, testing his survival skills. He learnt paitence brings rewards observing the tracks and hidden clues of migrating animals. He competed with the best apex predators in the wild stalking in the bushes behind and stabbed piercing them with a sharp javelin in the juggler. He had bruises from rampaging bison, kicking, vicious annoyed animals and irate by a hungry human fly.

He smelled like the dirt, the grass, the field and the meadows blending into nature itself.

He was resourceful and adaptable. He became an avid forager, discovering the edible plants and fruits that grew abundantly around him. He fished in nearby streams and lakes, honing his skills to sustain himself. However, there were times when his efforts fell short, and he had to endure hunger and deprivation until the next successful hunt or harvest. He slept during the day, hunted between dusk and dawn like animals, drinking blood sometimes for brief quench of thirst. At times he fell ill as the body became stronger, and survival instincts became primordial.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. Ethan's connection with nature deepened, as he observed the subtle changes in the seasons and the delicate balance of life in the wilderness. He befriended wild creatures, who became his companions on this unconventional journey. The animals respected him for he was just a small part of the vast natural order of the food chain the apex predator of the world a cog in the wheel of life.

(Please read My Journey (Part 1) first)

Now that I think of it, it all feels quite pathetic.

They weren’t worth half the effort, nor the drama, nor the trauma I received. I’ve never fought with a friend, not in that way.

Rants upon rants of each others problems…

That was all just simply too much for me. I can’t handle it anymore.

Do I look like I care whether or not she has a crush on you?

Does it matter to me whether you had an argument with your parents or not?

Do you really think that I’ll be the one to provide you sympathy after a fight with your best friend?

No, no, and no.

From now on, if anyone’s got a problem, they say it to my face.

And if a “friend” talks behind my back, then…

You are no friend.

No real friend does that.

No half-decent person does that.

What are you, a two-faced coward?

Have you no life, other than spreading rumors about me?

Is this all the achievements you’ve ever had?

Well, then, I sure hope you’re proud of yourself.

I didn’t come to America to deal with people like you.

I came to America for a better learning environment, for a better opportunity, and for a better life.

You are not of any importance.

Get it through your head.

To me, you are insignificant.

To me, you are nothing.

Don’t mistake yourself for anything more. I’ve spent years learning how to discern my friends from enemies.

I know who you are.

Don’t forget that.

It wasn’t easy moving to America. I’m sure many people won’t be able to understand.

My mom had to make the difficult decision. I moved here when I was only five. We were originally planning to come here when I was twelve, but because of the learning environment and air pollution, we decided to move much earlier than expected.

At first, I didn’t understand why. I would whine and cry, begging my parents not to force my brother and I to leave. I had friends, a nice class, and a crush who liked me back… but we don’t talk about that.

I was such a foolish child back then, not understanding how they were just trying to do what’s best for me.

But now I know. Not I know everything my mother sacrificed, everything she left behind. For a better life for my brother and I.

Then, I had a hard time settling in. New York City was a fast-paced place, and traffic didn’t stop for anybody. My mom never checked emails from school, since she wouldn’t be able to read them, anyways. Because of this, we missed many events, and once, we even went to school on a snow day! We walked half an hour every single day, through sun, and rain. And we did that for a year.

We had an aunt come over to help. And then, the small family of four moved to Maryland. There, we already had a house. There were plenty of rooms, and we lived with my cousin, Albert. At that time, I was convinced that he hated my brother and I, but it has come to my realization that he, in fact, doesn’t and probably never did… though I remember being quite annoying at that time.

When we moved again, three years later, it was to a much larger house ten minutes away, where I finally got my own room. I was nine. It was a bit hard adjusting, and to be honest… I got lost a couple of times. No joke.

At my new school, which was an all girl’s school, I had much trouble making and keeping friends. Even though I consider myself slightly oblivious in many aspects, I can see right through people. I can almost predict how a friendship would end, and even if it would end terribly, sometimes, I just take the risk anyways.

Some people think being mean is a way of showing you’re friends…

I don’t agree with that. I think it means you’re toxic, but you don’t want to be friendless, so you tell your friends that being mean to them isn’t a bad thing.

Those are all lies.

…And the people who are proud of being toxic?

Then they definitely are. It means you should stay far, far away.

Then, there are others who may seem nice on the outside, but are actually extremely selfish. They will never admit their wrongs.

Once during sixth grade, I was sharing a story idea with my best friend.

I was halfway through when she interrupted my angrily, demanding for me to delete all of it and rewrite, claiming that I “stole her ideas.”

First of all, I find that extremely offensive.

“Just because an idea is similar, does not mean I stole yours!” I replied defensively.

“I told you my idea, that they would be half Terran and half Syldrathi, and yours is the same!” She responded.

“But that’s not exactly and original idea! Tyler and Scarlet are, too—“ I paused. I’ve said too much.

“That was a spoiler, wasn’t it?” She scowled, annoyed with me. “You know I haven’t finished reading the books!”

I knew that a spoiler was too much for our friendship. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” I apologized quickly. No good friend would spoil anything.

She was still very frustrated with me and didn’t reply, instead continuing to work on her fabrication in silence. Our science teacher looked over, overhearing our conversation.

“It isn’t nice to spoil a book!” She said to me.

At that moment, I really wanted her to shut up and mind her own business. I wanted to say that it wasn’t my fault, that I just blurted it out.

“I didn’t do it on purpose!” I forced a smile on my face so it wouldn’t seem like I was being too serious about it.

I thought that my best friend and I would be able to get over our problems quickly, but then she went and told my other friends that I was copying her idea.

The worst part?

They believed her.

I thought that they would ask for my opinion before confronting me together. They were supposed to be impartial. They were supposed to trust me. And they didn’t. They listened to her first. They didn’t listen when I tried to explain. And they wouldn’t let go that I accidentally spoiled the book for her.

Mind you, these were the people I thought I could trust.

From then on, I was wary.

I decided that I needed to speak up for myself. Even if no one else cared, and even if my opinion didn’t matter in their eyes.

I would talk.

I would tell them.

And then that only caused more drama.

I kept silent when they spoke bad about my Mentee, because they were allowed to have their opinions. I added my opinions too, and to which they disagreed with immediately.

But the moment I spoke out about this other girl, they were shushing me and telling me that I was being much too loud when she was a whole other table away.

Oh, so now I wasn’t allowed to talk?

What was it, then, when they were speaking about my Mentee, right in front of me, just as she was approaching our table? Just as she literally sat down next to her?

How was this fair?

How did this make sense?

And those arguments after? Those petty fights?

TBC IN PART 2

The day I heard the news, I didn’t know if I was happy or sad. I was confused. What on earth would possess my parents to live off the grid? They though I would be happy to move, but I had to leave my friends and relatives. The only reason we were moving is because dad got fired. Takayama wasn’t an ideal place to live in my opinion. Sure, I’ve always wanted to go to Japan, but not like this! I wanted to go to the bustling city, not this rural community! It didn’t matter what I had wanted because we were moving anyway. What kind of social life can you have if you live off the grid? My parents said it would be a nice experience. In some ways, they were right. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………

I woke up in my small window bed, the sunlight streaming in. For once in a long time, I smiled. My parents weren’t awake yet, I could hear my dad snoring. I left them a note and slipped out the back door, leaving just enough time to snatch my coat before the door closed on my fingers. Even though it was early, the stores were bustling with workers and customers. I wandered along the streets, but no stores seemed appealing. Finally, at the end of the street, was a small empty store. It was filled with small old trinkets. I wanted to go inside, but it was closed. There was a sign in the door, it it didn’t say when the store opened. I tried the door, but it was locked. I saw someone moving inside. I wiped a small hole in the dust covered window, just big enough to see through. Maybe one day I would be able to see inside the shop. For now, I would have to wait and see. I would be spending much of my time here. I walked away from the shop. What was the name of it again? Oh well. It was already time for breakfast. I headed back to my home. This time with a smile.

Five kids, Anna, Fellow, Zack, Sarah, and Wayne, were just ordinary kids until a spaceship drops them five elements of nature, which is Fire, Water, Air, Earth, and Space. Now they use their newfound powers to defend their city from dangerous villains.

I kind of didn’t just write about the first day lol, I got too into it and ran out of time :,)

This world has gone to crap, I think as I type at my desk. Week after week, it’s the same dam thing. I don’t think I can take anymore. But I wonder, not everywhere can be this bad? Can it? I slowly stand up from my desk, giving my brain a few more moments to debate if I should actually go though with what I’m about to do.

“I quite” I say quietly.

You know that felt kind of nice

“I quite” I say a little louder.

“Sorry what was that, I had my headphones on, “ Steven says with a slight laugh.

Steven, my best friend. I can’t do this. I can’t leave him. Where would I even go! The world is cursed. It’s doomed. I’m doomed!

“Nothing, I thought I forgot to lock my door on the way over here” I say with a small laugh, trying to make it sound real and not fake.

“Oh gotcha, happens to me all the time” Steven replies with smile, then turns back to his work, hitting his pencil to the beat of whatever music he’s listening to.

I want to cry. I feel trapped. Steven’s happy, I’m not, will he be miserable too if I leave? Maybe I should talk to him about it . . . no . . no I can’t. I lean back in my chair looking at the ceiling and running my right hand through my hair. I sigh. Who am I kidding? I can’t stay here, like this. My dead end job. My life going nowhere. I feel stuck; stuck in this world gone to crap.

“Steven?” I ask in a tone all to similar to sighing

“Hmm, what’s up?” He replies while pulling his headphones down around his neck.

“Could I talk to you about something” I say hesitantly while fidgeting with my fingers.

Steven stands up and puts his arms on top of the cubical dividers.

“Of course, is everything alright?”

“Do you like your job” I say unable to make eye contact.

“Well I mean it depends what you classify as liking” he says with a slight laugh, but not the usual laugh “I enjoy the freedom it comes with.”

“But don’t you feel stuck?” I say finally looking at his deep green eyes.

It’s almost as if he contemplates what to say next.

“I don’t know” he says looking at the cameras

Of course, the cameras! How could I have been so dumb!

“Oh by the way, did you want to go out for Coffee tomorrow morning, I mean today’s Saturday after all” I say trying to sound as casual as possible.

“For sure, how does 10 o’clock sound” He says while keeping eye contact.

“Perfect” I reply

The next morning I wake up ready for what is hopefully to come. I get ready, the usual. I eat, brush my hair and teeth and feet my cat, Larry. I walk down to the coffee shop, 1 block away, I can do this. I walk in through the door, the bell ringing.

“Oh hi Lora, what would you like?” Kelly, my favorite barrista, says with a smile.

“I’ll just get the usual” I reply trying not to sound suspicious.

“You got it” she says with the same smile still on her face.

I turn to sit and there he is, Steven. I can’t hold it in any longer.

“I want to leave, I-I can’t take this anymore, this city, this job. I want to go somewhere where some lost civilization is, explore, I can’t do, well THIS anymore” I say on the verge of tears.

“Me ether” Steven replies in a dead even tone.

“Are we doing this” I say deeply surprised at his reaction. “Leaving that is?” I whisper this time.

“I can’t stay ether, I know I seem all happy, all the time, but . . . I guess I was just hoping it’d be a fake it till’ you make kind of thing” he says while looking out the window.

“I had no idea you felt like that” I say again a little surprised by his reaction.

“I didn’t know you felt the same . . . I mean I had no way of really bringing the subject up” he smiles sadly, but there’s something new in his face, a glint of hope. “We’ll need a cover story” he says sipping his tea.

“What do you have in mind?” I ask wondering what his planning.

“We could tell people were having a honeymoon” he says blushing a little.

I chock on my coffee pointing my finger from me to him and back again. We stare at each other for what feels like forever.

“Okay, let’s do this” I reply blushing a little as well.

Sunlight. Real, unfiltered sunlight. Was this how it’s supposed to feel like? How had Liz gone for so long without it?

Her fingers ran over the wooden wall, catching on every divot and tracing through each grain. Not a single one of her friends had supported this. Eva had started crying, bawling incoherently about how this was the worst betrayal she’d ever experienced in her entire life. Sandy had raised an eyebrow and said nothing, but the disapproving frown spoke more than enough. And Claire had made attempts at excitement, but she was the worst liar of the group.

“Does the place even have running water?” Sandy asked.

Liz shrugged.

Sandy let out a long, long sigh. “Whatever makes you happy, Liz.”

And she was. Happy, that is. Outside, she could hear frogs croaking. Frogs. When was the last time she’d any animal sounds besides the flapping of pigeon wings outside her window?

n.b: all i could muster up tonight

I take one last look in my empty apartment before closing the door and locking it for good. I walk down the stairs and turn right so I can go into the front office and drop my key into the slot. All I know is my sister and I cannot stay here anymore because of what I have learned.

I clench and unclench my fits when I think about what I learned about my corporate job and the malicious things my bosses are doing to the city. The people in this city put their trust and entire fortunes into my old company, and were being promised they would get a high return but instead of that some of the money from each of the clients accounts would get sent into the employees’ personal accounts, greedy bastards! The only reason I know about it is because I overheard a couple of the employees bragging about how they are making millions while the citizens are losing their money and how no one is going to stop them. When I went to confront my boss about it, she laughed in my face and told me I know what is going on because it was my idea so you have a choice, join us or your little sister will be killed in front of you. I will not allow anything to happen to my sister! I quit my job because I refused to be part of their scheme and did not want my sister to be killed. Plus, no one would believe me because I had only been working there two and a half months. I am thinking about my sister and have to do what is best for her.

My little sister Angeline and I have already been through a lot. We lost both of our parents at age four for her and eight for me, us going through the foster care system moving from place to place and then on July 14; a month after graduating high school, she lost her baby due to a miscarriage. On July 16, I got the corporate job. After Angeline lost her child, she has not spoken a word since and I would do anything for her. It is my job to protect her because I had made a promise to our parents that I would protect her from the evils of the world with my life as they breathed their last breath in front of me. Making the decision for us to toss our phones, credit cards, leave my car behind and leave our apartment has been incredibly difficult but it needs to be done. We are each only carrying a trash bag full of clothes, some cash, a knife, water and rationed food.

Angeline does not know what is going on and I do not plan on telling her why we are leaving. I walk up to her and I can see in her eyes the trust she has in me. So, we turn around and start walking towards our new home. The sun is beating down on us and I can feel the sweat making its way down my face. After walking for what feels like hours, I finally see the green large trees and looking to Angeline, I gesture to her that we are turning left.

We turn left and continue walking through this huge forest. I found an abandoned furnished cabin accidentally when I was hiking one morning and I have been going back at least once a week at different times of the day, taking a different path to get there each time. That is where we are going now and I do not know what will happen, but what I do know is that our bond as sisters will never change no matter what happens.

(Author note: I feel as though this could be so much better if I had more time and that the structure of this story is all over the place).

Lailah brushed her blonde hair out of her face attempting to tuck it behind her ear. She leaned over the open trunk of her little car in lot at the park n ride attempting to grab her overstuffed backpack filled with everything she had taken from her apartment before walking out the door with no sense of where she was going or why. As she unzipped the hidden pocket and felt for her passport, her hair fell as out of place as everything else in her life.

Everything except her passort, that is. Her passport was exactly where it had been when she check for it at the gas station just 5 minutes before. She had a storage locker that she had managed to move a few things into a week or two earlier. It was no where near filled, just littered with a few crates of her old journals and notebooks. There was a trunk with some canvases and a cheap plastic set of drawers that had an array of art supplies as random as her thoughts.

Truth be told, her mind raced so fast that sometimes she scared her self. Her little dog had moved from the front seat of the car to the back, to the front and back again. His tail wagged faster when her eyes caught his. A smile kissed her lips for a mere second before the worry lines on her forehead came back.

Her smile used to be her best quality, it was the thing that she loved about her appearance and everyone complemented her on. She glowed once upon on time when she thought she had love in her life.

It had gone away slowly--the love she thought she had. They were quickly great lovers, slowly the best of friends, until one day they had a conversation that seemed hypothetical about what they would be doing with their lives if they had chosen differently and somehow through the veil of what ifs she heard him say he would have chosen something else.

She loved him with all of her heart, but no matter what she did how much she flashed that smile of hers. No matter how many times she went down on him or cooked dinner or told him how much she loved him--he didn't. He said he did but at the end of the day they were just words of an emotionally unavailable man.

His desire for her lessoned. He tried to soften the blow of the rejection by telling her she was hyper-sexual--a nympho even and changing the subject to something else. Chalking it up to a difference in sex drive and not to what it really was--feelings that waned like the moon on the last night that she had spent with him.

She didn't know it would be the last night. At the time she thought they would be together forever. She had even joked about how many times her mom had asked where he was when she was over and how she seemed genuinely worried that Lailah had been concealing a break up from the family-asking at least seven times if they were still together and why he wasn't there.

She didn't know how to answer him when he didn't say anything in return.

She had driven home that night and had to. turn off the radio because her thoughts were trying so hard to outscream whatever she put on. The volume in her head was so loud she could barely find her place on the streets she had driven down hundreds of times in the last seven years.

In her minds eye, she looked for him in the rearview mirror only to see he hadn't waited to see if her car started. Her hand felt the heat leave her finger tips as it was no longer touching him but stung by the rainy mist in the air. In that park and ride, she snapped back into reality when she felt the weight of her backpack dig into her spine and the noise of the trunk closing silenced that of her mind.

Mister Wendall, her little dog, pawed at the window in an effort to garner her attention. She had renamed him after the Arrested Development song when she had been gifted him by someone who had chosen to live somewhere they couldn't keep him. It was now rather ironic that the two of them were effectively homeless.

She told everyone she was going on a business trip. Really she had no idea where she was going after tonight. She opened the door and her and Mr. Wendal started the short trek to the strorage locker where she hoped the two of them could spend the night undetected until she could get a plan together in the morning.

She knew only one thing--she was in a rut and she had to get out. Her heart ached so badly that she didn't seem to care if she lived or died; but she knew that either way she couldn't do it here.