If you are born in 2078, the worst year ever imagined. You probably got one of us, protectors, we take animal form but have always been guardian angels. Sometimes we are killed protecting our assigned body and return to heaven, but not for me. The person I was assigned thinks I’m her dog not her protector, I am not allowed to protect her. Instead I stay in a crate all day, I’ve told her but she doesn’t care. This is my first day of journaling my emotions in my mind. I don’t know how much longer I can last before going insane.

Before a human life enters the world, they are assigned to one of us. We give them company, give them thoughts of joy and ideas. We watch them over until their end, leaving us to a new job. However, we mustn’t interfere with their actions. We can try to talk them out, but in the end it’s their choice.

We are called many things: guardians, spirits, ghosts- you name it. I was assigned this one kid named Caleb. I wish my family a goodbye in the spirit realm then I head through the human realm portal at the center of our world.

Many of us take different forms as we arrive, mostly as animals. This time, I am a fox. I have no coloring like the land fox, but just a hazy blue grey fills my features.

One glance and I instantly fall in love with him. He was beautiful child, sleeping soundly. I curl beside him, keeping watch like always.

But little did I know it was all going to change.

Over time my job got simpler. I played with him- children can see Spirits until they loose their child-like nature. We had many laughs. Many cries. But most of all, we found tv to be amusing.

That all changed when 5th grade happened. Caleb started to find other things - relationship wise. I never grew concerned by it until the 4th girl rolled around.

Once I saw her, I was drawn. She was beautiful: curly blonde hair with two heterochromic eyes that seemed to sparkle in the sunlight. Her spirit was a fish, which was odd. Nevertheless, I paid no attention, meeting and greeting. 

That was my first failure.

I was paying so much attention to her spirit I didn’t look after Caleb. I didn’t monitor his actions nor make sure to try to talk him out of things if things went too far. When I finally pay him attention of mind, I see him.

Forcing that girl into something she was clearly uncomfortable with.

‘ This isn’t a good idea, we should probably stop ‘

‘ she looks visibly uncomfortable ‘

‘ stop this, caleb!’

All my warnings went unfazed, unheard. No matter how many times I tried, he would commit the same acts with her constantly, her spirit wishing her to speak up. She never did once.

The memory of her terrorized eyes scarred me, even to this day.

Eventually, he got tired of her, and threw her to the side. Her spirit wished me to get him under control, make sure he doesn’t do that again.

I tried my hardest, my best, but it was never enough. He did this to countless other women, manipulating them and guilting them for his own gain. I was sick.

So sick.

The head of the Spirt stared down on me, finished with what he found in this life.

“ We are not to interfere with their life, Zapselo. Even though this man was…wrong, we shall not put them in any danger-“

“ You haven’t seen what I have seen, Commander. All those women’s faces in agony, in horror of what he’s done to them. And how he does it- it’s calculated, premeditated-”

“ Execute him, Guards. You know the rules, Zapselo.”

I let them take me freely, not fighting back in the slightest. 

I can’t bear to watch that man do that to any other woman. No one, in fact. The commander knew what I did.

I regret nothing. 

I couldn’t stand by and watch this, for the rest of his life. I just couldn’t.

The job, I swear, was once quite enjoyable for me, it gave me a sense of fulfillment. But now, I can’t help but wonder why I bother anymore. It hurts too much.

And it’s all because I broke the one rule that we must live by in order to do our job; I fell in love. I fell in love with the girl I was supposed to watch, and protect and she doesn’t even know that I exist.

Even now, as I watch her cross the field of flowers at dusk, I can’t help but fall even more; she’s so beautiful. But that is not what did it for me initially; you see the thing that drew me near was her eyes, they shine like the stars in the heavens.

In those eyes I break, in those eyes I’m home.

But, still, we have no way in communicating for I am but a mere shadow, an entity forever tied to her being, tasked to keep her safe from all that wish evil upon her, and I shall, but I will be miserable doing so.

It is for this reason that my days have begun to drag, and somehow, that face of hers that brings the red rose to shame in her beauty, I’ve slowly begun to resent. And that is what’s most heart wrenching of all.

Today, I walk with her keeping close behind (without her knowledge of course) and watch her cross the street to her favorite cafe. This is a very usual venture for her and when these times occur I usually keep busy across the street admiring the hustle and bustle around me, and also admire her.

She’s wearing a sundress today, a stormy blue color that makes her white-blonde hair glow as much as those star eyes.

She’s truly both the bane of my existence, and the reason I go on just the same.

Her eyes wander and light up in recognition, as she spots the person she has been waiting for. Her partner arrives with a flower at hand, and a kiss for my love never to be.

And I do, what I always do, and watch.

It came to be as the young Boy came into the world. It watched as his mother held him and his father smiled. It felt the joy releasing from the young Boy as he looked at his parents for the first time.

When the Boy was four, It walked with him on his first day of kindergarten. The Boy cried for his mother, and It gave him strength to get through the day.

When the Boy was twelve, he cried in the hallway, holding his broken glasses. It felt for the sorrowful Boy, and It pushed heartening thoughts into his mind, cursing the boys who had hurt his Boy.

When the Boy was sixteen, It watched him endure heartbreak, cheat on tests, and try new things. It watched with sadness and pride. It always stayed by the Boy's side, no matter what the ups and downs of teen life brought upon him.

When the Boy was 22, he drank alcohol like it was water. It watched as he flunked his classes and went out with his friends. It told itself that it was just for now, that it was just a small setback.

When the Boy was 27, he got married. It watched him feel the joy and love that newlyweds always felt, and It felt pride in the way the Boy picked himself up and made a life for himself.

When the Boy was 32, the drinking began once again.

When the Boy was 35, he beat his wife so bad she was sent to the hospital.

When the Boy was 40, his wife left.

When the Boy was 45, It watched sadly as the Boy lost his will.

One day It left, and the Boy shivered as he felt what felt like a part of himself slip away.

Since the beginning of time, the aphids leeched off of sweet plants. When ants came to be they began tasting many different varieties of food. Ants strive off of glucose, and aphids produce a sweet nectar when eating plants. One day long ago a crew of ants were exploring the land for something sweeter than berries and leaves. They were crawling along when they began to smell something extraordinarily sweet. They followed the smell, to find a flower bed. They climbed the large flowers, to find hundreds of little green bugs. Around them, pools of the nectar. The ants asked the aphids about the nectar as another bug flies in and eats two of the aphids. The bug lands and the ants attack, ripping it in two. The aphids were impressed and offered the ants a deal. If the ants stuck around to protect the aphids, the aphids would make lots of nectar for the ants. The ants were pleased and vowed their lives for the benefit of their underground kingdom. Thousands of years later evolution has effected the aphids. Aphids are now smaller and produce less nectar. One day a starving ant got angry because she had protected the aphids moments before. The ant lost her temper and swallowed the aphid. The aphid was sweeter and tastier than the nectar. So the ant rose up and asked the Queen “Why don’t we just eat the Aphids? They’re tasty, they don’t give us what we need and they take up so much space!”. The Queen then ordered to taste the aphids herself. Sure enough the aphids were sweeter than the nectar ever was. So the ants eat the aphids and the aphids feel betrayed.

Sashan was in the forest, thank god. They might just have enough time to escape. The other beasts hunkered and shivered in their cages of impure and partially weak metals. Most of the humans were knocked out on the ground form the last night celebratory party in honour of the General’s new born son. The camp has received a snow signal from the castle were his wife had given birth a few Kekalions away. The red smoke has been awaited for quite a few weeks as the date of predicted birth approached. After the Spotter has yelled out, then fallen from his high perch, resulting in an immediate visit to the medical centre, the soldiers ran straight to the general’s dark green tent. Then they feasted and drank till they fell into their noses like stuffed plums. All except for Sasha. The exceptional hunter in the soldiers ranks. He had sat at the giant table the whole evening without even touching the brimming wine glass that had been placed in-front off him. He simply dipped his water and nibbled surreptitiously at his food. He was in his early thirties with a slight tinge of grey in his beard that crept along as the years went by. Sashan always smelled like the forest and tree after scent of blood. The beasts only really feared him. Their captor. Their hunter. They retreated from the bars at any sign of his figure. If he glowered at a beast and it did not look away, they might just disappear the next day. Into the forest or to the lake.

Once upon a time, the spirits of the world lived In harmony with humans. They were creatures of magic & wonder who helped guide & Protect mankind. They were revered & Honored by all who lived on the earth. But over time, humans began to forget about the spirits. They stopped leaving offerings & Stopped taking care of the world around them. They became selfish and greedy, taking more than they gave. The spirits watched in horror as humans destroyed forests, polluted rivers, and killed off entire species. They tried to intervene, but humans ignored them or chased them away. Finally, the spirits had enough. They decided to take matters into their own hands and turn on the humans. They unleashed their power, causing earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters. Humans were caught off guard and many lost their lives. They soon realized the error of their ways and begged the spirits for forgiveness. The spirits, however, were not quick to forgive. It took years for humans to prove their worthiness, but eventually, they earned back the trust of the spirits. They worked together to heal the wounds of the earth & Restore balance to the world. From that day forward, humans never forgot the importance of respecting & Protecting the Spooky Spooky spirits of earth 💞

“The girl lies,” Livia said. “I’m her mother. No one loves her more than me. I know how that sounds. Kids are assumed to be innocent. But no one is ever everything they seem.”

Livia clutched her ivory cashmere shawl and offered the detectives a brave smile. Her ash blonde hair was swept back into a smooth chignon framing her carefully made up face. Even without the veneer of glamour Livia was lovely. She turned her best side to the detectives and drew in a steadying breath. One of the officers, a burly woman, offered Livia a Kleenex. Livia accepted it graciously.

“I know you’re doing your duty. I know you’re trying to find this maniac whose coming after our children, who came after my little girl. I’ve already lost my dear Victor. Don’t waste time on me. Find this warlock—“

“How do you know it was a male witch instead of a female one?” The woman detective asked.

Livia bristled at being interrupted. With a withering stare, Livia appraised this cop, boney and plain and clearly jealous, more closely. The energy crackled in the peachy gray conference room.

“Naturally I assumed a male. Men killed more than women, don’t they dear?” Livia said, turning to face the detective in charge. “Detective Adolphus, perhaps you can help me. You’ve been so kind to talk with me at the hospital. I can’t bear to be away from her. I’ve explained this to the local sheriff. But you’re so experienced and worldly I know you’ll understand. I took Pixie and Jasper trick or treating with Pixie’s friend, Ursula. Pixie collected the cursed candy from one of the houses—I don’t know where—and she shared it with the others. I never even touched it let alone curse it. When Andrew I mean Sheriff Pride interviewed her Pixie thought she was in trouble poor sweet baby. She lied about getting the candy from my purse.”

Livia dabbed at the corners of her eyes. Looking up through her lashes she studied the detectives’ stony faces. A single tear ran down one cheek.

“Pixie is slipping further and further away from me,” Livia said. “I feel her through our bond, feel her pain.”

Livia allowed her shawl to slide down revealing a slice of golden toned arm.

“You say you can’t bear to leave her but you left her the second day of her hospitalization to visit the insurance agency to check on the details of the policy you purchased on your children’s lives. A policy that, Kodiak what was that again,” the hunky dumb looking detective said.

“Easton insurance policy 673988 for $500,000 with a double indemnity for accidental death or permanent injury.”

Livia gasped and clutched her shawl again. Touching his hand on the small conference table, she focused on the lead detective.

“Surely you can’t think I care about money at a time like this. That was business. My mother selected Pixie heir to Kinder Kitchen industries, the future CEO of the family business. It is common practice to insure key employees. I just want my little girl safe, detective. I gave my life to my children. All the love and time I was never given. Pixie has been gold every day of her life. I will teach her every she will need to takeover for me,” Livia said.

Blinking her beautiful eyes Livia implored the big cop. There was a knock to the hospital’s conference room door. Another officer came in, young and powerful. He whispered to the head detective and the lady cop and then sat down. Livia felt the air shift and a familiar tug in her magic.

“Good news Mrs. Magus Dr. Tabitha has unlocked the sleeping spell. Once we knew who was behind it we re-engineered it. The shifters and the witches are healing. Pixie will wake up any minute now,” the young warlock cop said.

Livia froze as her daughter’s voice whispered in her head. “Mommy lies.”

My heart is filled with joy. It is truly the greatest gift the Lord has blessed me with. I am filled with His divine light. Now I pray that I may prove worthy of His favor.

Swaddled in layers of quilts and blankets, a baby sleeps peacefully. Their firstborn. Their beloved daughter Marisol, whom they’ve placed in the Lord’s care. And the Lord God answered their prayers, and I was sent to watch over the child. To guide her and protect her throughout her life.

She sleeps on a cradle by the window, where the midday sunlight seeps in through a light, billowy curtain. There was nothing in the world more beautiful than her. Watching her, my heart swelled with affection. Slowly she awoke, and gazed up at me with large brown eyes. She smiled, a tiny giggle escaped her mouth and she raised her hands, reaching out to me. I leaned over, placing a kiss on her head, feeling the soft wisps of downy hair brush against my face, while her hands touched my hair.

At that moment. I made a promise. A vow to myself, that I would protect this child and keep her company when she felt alone. Act in her best interest. I will love her and understand her. I will guide her, according to the Lord’s will, so that she may dwell in paradise, along with the family that loves her very much. Softly, I whispered a blessing to the child.

“May the Lord keep you, most beloved child.”

Soon after, Marisol fell asleep once again. Her serene face visible through layers of blankets.

———————————————————————

The year arrives, finally, when it’s time for Marisol to begin school. In the morning, before dawn, her mother quickly dressed her and prepared her for her first day of primary school. The mother, a very busy woman, rushed through the morning, determined to get to work on time.

The child, still dozy from sleep, obeyed her mother without hesitation. And suddenly, she became nervous. I could see it. As she was given her backpack and a small lunchbox, she walked out the door. to the front lawn and then to the street where the bus waited. For a brief moment, she turned to look back at the house sadly, then entered the bus hesitantly. She took a seat near the back, away from the other children. What was making her so timid? She sat alone, hugging her backpack. Her eyes threatened to spill tears. Carefully I came to the seat next to her, and wrapped my arms around her, hoping to calm her down, to take away her fear. Marisol had been a very sheltered, secluded child. I could only imagine how this must feel for her. Going off to a strange place the first time. It might’ve been exciting for some children, but it could also be frightening.

Slowly, Marisol’s anxiety seemed to subside, and for the rest of the day. I made sure she had a good first day of school. At the end of the day, she returned home with a big smile on her face and an eagerness to share all she had learned with her parents.

As the years progressed, the child grew into an intelligent, quiet and pious young girl. At school she was soft spoken and often kept to herself. Yet, I could tell she yearned for friendship, with her peers.

One Sunday after mass, she knelt down and prayed for a friend. Suddenly I felt a dull ache in my chest. If only she knew she knew she wasn’t alone. If only I could speak to her, and hold her close.

Full of sorrow, I gently placed a hand on her shoulder. She startled, and for a moment I almost withdrew, but then she seemed to welcome it, and I whispered,

“No, Marisol, you are not alone.”

That very evening, I overheard Marisol enthusiastically telling to her mother about feeling the presence of an angel as she prayed, and the angel speaking to her.

I might’ve been shocked at her skilled perception, but the truth was that I was glad to have been her comfort, in the time she needed it most.

I continued to pray for Marisol, so that the Lord God would continue to shine his light on her.

———————————————————————

Soon came the time when Marisol inevitably finished school and moved away from her former home. She had experienced both sorrowful and joyful moments, and learned to appreciate the good God has given her. She even learned of my presence, and ever so often we spoke. We bonded.

I used to interfere as much as I could, but now she actively seeks me out. Sharing with me her hopes and dreams, sins and sorrows. Asks me for help, guidance, or for company, and I am always there for her. Sending her prayers to the Lord, as well as praying for her myself.

“Can I see you?” She asks one day. I am unsure how to respond. Angels can appear to humans, but if she is not ready to see me, I must do my utmost to keep her from harm.

She looked unsure, almost worried. I could not bring myself to deny her.

“Maybe one day.” I say faintly.

Marisol smiled. She closed her eyes and prayed. That night she prayed her rosary, begging that the Lord allow her a glimpse of her guardian angel.

One night, she is laying in bed, gazing at a burning candle at her bedside. It filled the room with a flowery aroma.

“I remember your face.” She spoke softly. “It’s been so many years. I was only a baby, so I’ve always had a vague memory, but I remember your face,” She continued, “You were so beautiful.”

I knew what she was referring to. I remembered that day clearly, like it was yesterday.

———————————————————————

I helped Marisol endure hardship, evade danger, and find happiness. She found love, and was wed. But it all happened so fast.

But he didn’t truly love her, truly. How could he? He was lying surely, he had to be. There was nobody on earth who loved her as I did, who were willing to sacrifice it all for her, as I was.

However, that was all erased from mind upon their consummation. Reaching new heights of pleasure, falling upon themselves in a heap of marital bliss, something that I had never witnessed. I knew I shouldn’t have watched, but her happiness and pleasure had become my own.

She had it all. A large house, a nice car, a successful job, and a loving husband. But her faith lapsed, and she did not pray as she once did. She was too preoccupied with life, it seemed. I still looked after her, and prayed she would return to the Lord.

But I also prayed for myself, for I had felt a strange emotion I had never experienced. Was it fear? Anger? Jealousy? If I ever found myself tarnished with sin, I may never again return home. I prayed for days on end, for the Lord to be my guide and for his will to be done. And He spoke to me, several times, and I listened. Yet, the feelings returned. And I did my best to pray them away, but they always returned.

“You know of my plight, O Father, you are good and merciful. Please shine your light on me. I confess to you my iniquitous thoughts and feelings. I wish to atone for them, and to once again be worthy of your blessed presence.”

After that, the air grew quiet, and I knelt in nervous silence.

———————————————————————

As I watched Marisol’s life, I came to understand the feeling which plagued me all this time: envy.

How could I be forced to stand by and watch as she lived a perfectly happy life? While I stayed in the shadows, ignored, forgotten. Each day her husband peppered kisses along her reddened cheek and each night he left blemishes along her neck with his teeth.

Surely, I could find love such as that. Even if I was just a spirit. I could… no… I deserved it just as much as she did.

One night when nobody was around. I sat in front of a mirror, gazing upon my reflection. An oval face, framed by golden curls. A long, fine nose and small, pouty lips. Surely he would find me beautiful. But my eyes… a lustrous gold-within-gold, that shone with the light. Angel eyes, that seemed unnatural to anyone on earth. So I changed them, to the look of normal human eyes, a cerulean blue. Now I looked more like a normal human. Undoing the ribbon that tied around my head, I let my hair tumble down over my shoulders. Indeed, I was beautiful, just as Marisol recalled. Perhaps even more so than her…

Before I knew it, a sharp gasp escaped my throat and I was seized by terror. What was I thinking? What was this vanity? This pride? I fell to my knees, begging the Lord for forgiveness. But the sin had already left its foul mark upon me. I felt it. It was so real.

The following night, With Marisol gone, I found her husband asleep in bed. The muscles on his bare torso emphasized by the dim lamplight. I could tell, he was dreaming. I settled at his side, just as his wife would do, if I was her. I slipped an arm around his, and he responded by squeezing my hand tightly. His touch was warm and loving, something I never knew I craved. I curled up at his side, hoping he would embrace me, and to my utter surprise, he did. Still half-asleep.

He mumbled something groggily, but I only pressed closer. Then, I felt his lips press against my cheek, and it only made me more ravenous. I kissed him, hungrily, just as I had remembered Marisol doing on so many nights. And he attacked my neck with his mouth. But I still craved more. As if possessed, he tore my robe open and then he took me.

For the first time in my eternal existence, I was truly alive. Even though all I felt inside was excruciating pain. I had broken my promise. To the Lord and to myself. Slowly, I felt my essence, my purity fade away. I will never again return home. But I struggled to care, when all on my mind was his touch, the love he had for me. Only me. His wife, forever gone…

I wasn’t alive, I was dying. I was fallen.

Look at that guy. Socks and sandals, really? Why is his hat so big? Is he trying to set some sort of world record for “number of weird stains on an old sweatshirt”?

Actually, don’t just look at him, smell him too. Did you catch that aroma on the air? No, that’s not some ironic new fragrance or eu de toilette, he just smells like a bag of day old donuts and week old scrambled eggs.

He sounds awful too. His singing is so bad, that he has been banned from every karaoke joint in town. And it’s not just that his voice is terrible, he has to “dance” at the same time or whatever he calls it. To me it looks more like an excited Kermit the Frog flailing than any sort of actual dance move.

And the snorting when he laughs is not cute. It was never cute, unless you find the sounds of a warthog eating potato salad adorable.

I could go over how he violates the other senses but I think just three out of five was enough to properly convey how gross and tacky my avatar can be. The Auraian Elders assigned me to him and sent me here to deep Florida to watch over him.

Everyone has an Aurian that watches over them. They’re based off the eight Aurian lineages and represented by an animal spirit.

I am of the great and majestic Elken lineage and golden sparkles dance off my mighty antlers. I speak in the passing breeze and do my best to guide my avatar to be a better person. My kind influence with a gentle nudge and appropriately timed encouragement.

But Bradjamin Gorp, this freaking guy, will not budge. He has no desire to become a better person. My whispers on breezes have become screams on gusts and still he ignores my guidance.

He sucks.