I wish I never hurt you This pain in your eyes But I didn't know what else to do It was the only way to get you away from my life

My mother is peacefully gone And my father has left me So what's done is done But you were my everything

I never would have hurt you If it was a good reason of that mile Because I didn't want was happening to me happen to you too I couldn't bear to not see that beautiful smile But I still wish I never hurt you The way I did

I wish I never smiled like this, I wish I never laughed like I do, I wish I never loved like I do.

I hate the way my chin looks when I smile. I hate the way I get made fun of for my laugh. I hate the way I fall for anyone who is kind to me.

All just because I haven’t had nice people often.

I wish I never knew you Mady, I wish I never said what I love you Sam, I wish I never lost you elliana.

I wish I had never noticed you Who stood out from the crowd Now I know I’ve been swimming In those deceitful eyes of blue

I wish I had never fell for you So innocent, you seemed Did you know this love would fade? Or be ripping at the seams?

I wish I had never played your game You drew your bow and pulled it back Struck me with immaculate aim Your arrow poisoned my heart and it faded to black

I wish I had never fallen for your lies Your handsome face a horrible disguise Hiding what lied underneath Rows and rows of sharpened teeth

I wish I had never met you.

I wish I never met you then I would never hurt again

Cause I’m so caught up in you lies And all your narcissistic cries

Pity games are not much fun And I’m unsure when ours begun

I’m just so sick of all your excuses And our friendships toxic misuses.

I wish I can ditch you here But you refuse to disappear

And I feel stuck in your web of hate And I’m too tired to debate

So I’ll just feed your ego and nod Pretend I’m friends and part of your squad

Cause I’m too scared to end our bond And see how all our friends respond

So I’ll shower you with compliments Cause that’s the only thanks I get

And when the sun comes down again I guess, I’m stuck your friends

I wish I never saw your face Because since that day Things haven't been the same

I wish I never knew your name Because your simple phrase Eats away at my brain

I wish I never said hello Because our friendship Was the beginning of my doom

I wish I never touched your heart Because now I'm lost Missing my spark

I wish I never said goodbye Because now you're gone My life is done

I wish I never did this, But the deed is on my hands, I wish i never said this, But i testified on the stand.

I hope Ill never say this, But i guess i will, I hope ill never say that, The crime was such a thrill.

I know I shouldn’t be this, But now I’m a happy like bird, Because the man I hurt is changed now, At least, that’s what I heard.

They wished the shame would haunt me, But I’m not really sure, They say the world has changed me, Well, that’s what its for.

They hoped they did there best for me, But i was stubborn like a bull, They still linger, did they try their best for me? Hah! Who are they trying to fool?

They know they shouldn’t be this, Wary of their ways, Yet, they still fear the game of life, And the way life plays.

I wish I never took that chance I wish I never let you in I wanted you But you turned the other way

My heart pounds every time I see you My boyfriend Clueless Still no idea of the dark thoughts that swarm me at every hour of every day

It squeezes and compresses My skull, aching every time I see you That night was surreal I’m not sure it even happened All I know is that you took a piece of me with you that night You still haven’t given it back

It’s been over 6 months So why haven’t I moved on? My heart aches for you As my boyfriend lies curled next to me

Our love though is forbidden No one can know for we would be ridiculed I still think you flirt with me but who am I to know? I thought I did last time

I only wish that these thoughts would leave For me to be happy But you are always there lurking in the shadows I can’t get you out of my head But I was quick to leave yours

.

The one who wasn’t my boyfriend. The one I argued on street corners with. The one who told me he’d never met anyone like me. The one I stayed up late talking, deep into the night. The one who skipped work to take me out. The one who said he loved me. The one I kissed again.

The one I kept saying no to. The one I enjoyed having power over. The one I knew would do anything for me. The one I kissed a third time.

The one who told me I was the one. The one who wasn’t the one. The one I kissed a fourth time.

The one who has a heart I once broke.

Shattered. Smashed. Stomped on Stopped.

That one. I wish I’d never kissed him.

I wish I had never taken that job offer. It looked totally normal at the time, a basic uniform, no required skills, maybe the hours were a little strange( 12pm-3am) but I was dying for the extra pay and it definitely payed well. It was a Starbucks, nothing out of the ordinary, or so I thought.

Clara Williams was the most normal person you would ever meet, she woke up at 5am every morning, she went for a run until exactly 5:30 when she would arrive home and start to cook her breakfast, egg and toast at 5:35. she would feed her cat at 5:40 and get in the shower at 5:45. At 5:50 she would walk out the door and at 6:15 every morning she would arrive at Mrs keens house where she would baby sit her daughter until 10:00. At 10:10 she would buy herself a coffee( a medium gingerbread latte to go) from the coffee shop around the corner from where she lived. On Thursdays she would do the weekly shop and arrive home at 11:00 but every other day she would arrive home at 10:30 where she would watch the new episode of true crime until 11:00( they didn’t run on Thursdays). As long as she had lived on her own( 7 years) she had started her day this way and she always would. The only problem with this was that she wasn’t making enough money from just the nanny job, as lovely as mrs keen and her daughter were, they weren’t exactly well off themselves.

She had been in and out of different jobs for over three years now, since her last job let her go. She was getting by, but only just and it wouldn’t hold for much longer as Mrs keen and her daughter were going away next week, that’s seven days with no pay and she knew she wouldn’t last two. She’d worked in accounting and architecture and interior design and real estate and banking but all with no luck, she just didn’t fit!

The day everything changed was the 15th of February 2020, the day after another Valentine’s Day spent watching cheesy rom coms with her cat. She had gotten an email asking if she was still looking for full time employment, she had replied immediately, no longer caring how desperate she was because after all, she was really bloody desperate. She had gotten a response almost instantly with the link to a survey that they wanted her to fill out- still not having mentioned who they were. She had clicked the survey anyway not even stopping to wonder if it was a con, lucky for her, it wasn’t. The survey was an audio survey- asking questions in a bland, emotionless, robotic attempt at a female voice and Clara responded in her brisk but clear clipped speech that came from attending oxford university in her earlier years...

I wish I never We could still be together. If I only let my walls down We’d both be wearing our crowns. Our days together are now unspoken Leaving me and my heart broken.