“I decided to play alcoholic for the day. It worked for a little, but now I feel like crying.”

How can you say that?

To me of all people?

I don’t know what you want for me

From the girl whose father was one

Take it from me

You don’t want to have that happen

For it to consume your life

Faster than it takes to drink the bottle

He did it for me, I know, I should have a wide recognition of that. Because every time he say that, my heart aches. Every god dam time I tell him “how could you do that,” the perpetual answer does not change.

“How can you say that?!” I scream. My yell echoes through the white room. I could see nobody in the room but voices continued to flood my brain. I dig my fingernails into my scalp.”STOPPPP!” I fall to my knees and let out a sob. I’m alone. I look around the white room that I lie in. There’s not much to it. White, perfect, straight lines. There was nothing inside the room but me. “Your going insane.” A voice whispers a sort of sing-song way. I shut my eyes and breathe. They’re not real, they’re not real. “Don’t kid yourself.” Another one whispers through my head. “ We are real.” Another one continues. “Aghhhhh.” I yell again. I clutch my knees close to my chest. I move my eyes around as if I’m looking for something. Or somebody. But I continue to see nothing. My head is beaming with pain. I massaged my temple but nothing worked. Suddenly another voice crept up behind me.” They all think your crazy.” I jolt sideways to find nobody there. “ I am not crazy!” I yell back at the invisible being. “Don’t you understand?” One asks me. “Your talking to nobody.” Another continues. “Agghhh!” I scream and kick the wall hard. My foot was overtaken with pain. I collapse again into a hard sob. “What is happening to me??” I cry. I wipe away the tears falling from my face but they keep coming. “Please somebody help me.” Silence. I’m trapped. I’m trapped in an endless void and I can’t escape. This pit of nothingness is killing me. Eating me up from the inside out. This mess of insanity that I got myself into. I dug a whole too deep and I can’t jump out. I squeeze my legs against my chest and hold them there. I rest my head on my knees. “Your not crazy.” I mutter,” your not crazy.”

“How can you say that?! How can you forgive them when they damaged you oh so terribly?!” The boy pleaded, taking the hands of the one he loved most.

The girl’s eyes glistened with tears. “Because they’ve been through things too. My family is filled with nothing but hate, and if I just forgive them, then it’ll be all over. They’ll just—“

“Stop it, love. Just stop,” The boy said. “They took your childhood away. You owe them nothing.

His gaze moves from the deep circles under her eyes, to the bruises on her arms, to the cuts on her legs.

“Your mother and father give you these bruises and scars without remorse, and while your suffering, instead of saving you, your big sister leaves you behind. That doesn’t sound like a family to me.”

Like a wilted flower, the girl sinks into the boy’s arms. “I’m sorry, it’s just…I don’t know.” Her mind was scrambled, too deep in sadness to get the words out of her mouth. The only one she had left was someone who could be gone from her life at any moment. Fate could take him if it wished, as it was a tricky force.

“It’s okay, my rose,” The boy said, smiling. “Let your sadness out. I can take it.”

Wrapping her arms around him, she sobbed into his shoulder. The salty tears soaked in the sleeve of his favorite shirt. “I don’t understand, how do you love someone damaged like me?”

Gently rubbing her back, the boy said,

“Every rose has its thorns. If someone expects one with a perfect stem, then they don’t deserve a rose at all.”

For the first time in years, the words of another made the girl smile.

I never thought it would be so impossibly hard, locking myself to get away. Trying to escape the world. I had one thing to hold on to, my heart. But when I met Damian it was longer my heart. I loved him so much, that my heart was his. And now that he’s dead, I’m not so sure that I can keep moving. “Mya please just come out!” My older sister Alice knocked on my door. “Leave me alone,” I say, “I’m not coming out.” “He’s one boy,” Alice’s voice is muffled by the wooden door. “Out of a whole world.” My chest aches as her words enter my mind, “How can you say that?” I cry. “He’s not just one boy. He was the boy.” I hear Alice sigh on the other side, “Mya there’s a whole sea out there. You’ll find someone else.”

“Just stop!” I yell, covering my ears with my pillow. “You don’t understand!” “Mya—“ “No!” I cut her off, “You don’t get to say this. I’m the one who lost him, I’m the one who has to live with the hole in my chest. So no! You don’t get to tell me there’s a whole world out there . . . There isn’t. Because my world was with Damian. And he’s not here.” My voice cracks as I say his name. “He’s not hear,” I repeat. Alice twists the door knob sliding into my room. “You’re right,” she whispers, “But you’ve got to move on.” I shake my head again, “I don’t. I won’t.” Alice sits on the edge of my bed, “Then you’re never going to make it out there.” I sigh shutting my eyes, “Who says I want to.”

“How Can you say that?” Because I’m evil, no?

“Why would you think that?” Because it’s happened before.

“You need help, I’m sorry I can’t.” No, help doesn’t help. You don’t.

“Open up- come out, please.”

Scratch my head, then I wake up. Want the real me? Nah.

Go away, stop knockin’. No one’s answering. Stop botherin’.

Grab the knife. Love the pain, yeah. What? It’s my life.

Oozing, throbbing away. Taking out my anger.

Nod to myself, see? Give into the whispers. “Can anyone hear me?” Pace the floors, to and fro.

Confuse you with my ruts. Have you wondering why. “By golly, Bucky, she’s nuts.”

Half the chance and she’d reach out and crush your heart… She’s insane, babe. A piece of art.

Watch you die and breathe you in. Loving the way darkness closes… If I didn’t know better- her worst sin; Loving an angel of a boy, like you.

Hear the screams and the sirens. They swim, they scratch. Clawing up her senses. She’s not normal- No, insane.

The pain, the hurt- years of fears. Nah, ain’t got no time for the bullshit. Take a swing and clip an angel’s wing.

Turn around and do it again. Challenge Satan at his own game. Take his fame and his name. Can’t stop me now, nah.

See the sky reddening? It’s coming, I won’t have mercy. Now… ain’t it saddening? Watch out, blade in your back.

Afraid? Oh baby, you should be. It’s you I come for.

He yanked my arm, forcing me to face him. “If you leave it like this, it’s over.” His eyes were cold, his voice sounded like a knife stabbing my heart. “Then it’s over,” I made my voice as hard as I could, “It’s over.” A passing car honked, telling us to move. I tried to pull my arm away, but Ty held me in place, the headlights bring all eyes on us. “Is that really what you want?-To leave things like this,” he waved his hands around the parking lot, dropping my arm. The car honked again, the line of cars growing longer by the minute. I nodded, “Well I’ve already picked what I want. It’s you that needs to make up your mind.” He laughed sarcastically, “Since you can’t see I’ll just say it. I’m standing right here. . .” He pointed to the ground his body shaking with anger. “Right now,” he spit out the now like it would change weather or not I realized he was here. “What more can I do?” I shook my head, throwing my arms up, “Nothing, you can do absolutely nothing.” Ty’s eyes glowed, I could almost see the fire that burned in them. He took a deep breath, his lips parted but no words escaped them. I closed my eyes sighing, “Listen to us Ty! This is toxic-we’re in a toxic relationship,” I gestured at me and then him. “At least we agree on something,” Ty’s voice was now soft, with regret swimming all over it. I felt the air I was breathing slipping away. He wasn’t supposed to agree, he was supposed to hate it. He was supposed to fight for me. I nodded, fighting the tears, “Yeah, at least we can.” Ty, stepped back, “You know the day I met you,” he let out a small laugh, “Let’s just say I never thought it would come to this.” That makes two of us. Ty had always been so sweet, so kind. Tonight I was seeing something I’d never seen before. His dark side. And yet I still loved him. Ty turned around, his brown hair black in the moonlight. “Ty,” I called, my voice cracking, “Wait.” Ty stopped, and stood still. The clock striked midnight as I wiped my tears. “I don’t want it to end like this,” My voice was quiet. Ty took a deep breath, looking over his shoulder, his mint eyes meeting mine, “It’s already over.” He continued to walk away, leaving me alone. He climbed into his old car, a car I had ridden in so many times. A car that had so many memories. I let myself cry, sinking to the road. “You alright?” A lady asked, as she pulled up next to me. I shook my head, letting the tears fall the assault. She gave me a weak smile and then drove off, leaving a grey cloud. I could smell the exhaust, that stayed around me. Such a bitter smell.

“You’re selfish, and you always think about yourself!” Scarlets’ voice was low, but frustrated.

“How can you say that?!” I said, as I looked up at her.

“Well, I mean it’s true!” Her eyebrows were raised, and her shoulders tight.

“Really? You think I’m selfish?” My voice started to break, just at the thought of what she was saying.

“I mean, you always make everything about you, not that you even care about what I’m saying.”

“I just don’t get it. Who was the girl comforting you when Jack broke up with you?” She shrugged, “And see, through everything, I stood by YOU! Not anyone else, but YOU!” I tried to stay calm, but I felt so weak.

“I’m done with this conversation!” She said, opening the door and letting herself out.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐈’𝐝 𝐝𝐨 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫, 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞. And that sunk in.

You’re not right You want to fight Try with all my might To avoid this tonight

But no, you keep going Like lawnmowers, mowing Chattering and annoying Too much, stop voicing

I am now leaving Gone and now fleeing But you keep on teasing Goodbye, no longer pleasing Tessa🦋

“How can you say that” “Idk”