“Wh-what’s going to be in there” Nat cries.

Her father brushes a strand of hair behind the young girls ear and pulls her in to a hug.

“I don’t know my love. All I know is it will be your worst fear.”

That causes Nat to shudder. Her twig like body can not fight off monsters, no matter how much training she had. Her father looks down at the girls almond eyes with great sadness.

“All warriors do this at thirteen. I did it, your brother did it, your grandma-“ before he can finish, Nat slaps his hand away from her face.

“And what about Sisa. She never came back” she cries, remembering her long gone sister.

Her father bends down and grabs both of her hands. “You are a warrior. You come from a long line of the greatest warriors there are. You will not disappointed me. You know I love you, and whatever happens In there, I’ll be the proudest father there is.”

That causes a small smile to creep up on Nat’s face, along with an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. ‘Would my father rather me die, than disappoint him?’ She wonders.

Her father never really got mad at her. Except for the times she asked not to be a warrior, and let down the family. Once he locked her in a dark room for hours she recalls. But that was just fatherly love. That was the love she was always given.

With one last kiss on the forehead, and a hug from her grandma, Nat grabs onto the dagger and places it in her emerald coat.

“Oh dear” she mumbles, staring into the dark abyss of the cave.

Carefully and gently, she tiptoes in the cave, clutching the dagger until her palms bleed.

The cave is nothing out of the ordinary. It’s dark, but Nat’s eyes adjust. It’s cold, with a breeze coming from an unknown source. And the only sound is Nat’s racing heartbeat.

“Hello?” She says, surprising herself on how much her voice trembles.

“I-is there anyone he-here?”

A chuckle emerges from the darkness, and she instinctively points the dagger to it.

“What do I have here” an all to familiar voice says.

“Dad?” Nat whispers.

The figure continues to chuckle until she could fully see her dad in view.

“Y-your not real!” Nat yells, inching closer with the dagger.

“Does it matter if I’m real” he says. “I am real enough that you fear me.”

Nat changes the foot she leans on, never breaking eye contact.

“I don’t fear you” Nat states, with little security in her voice.

The man that looks like her father inches closer and closer until his chest is right at the dagger.

“Really?” He says with a grin. “What about all the nights you spent crying because you never wanted to become a warrior. All the times you have been locked up in the ‘time out closet’ for mentioning your dear sister.”

Tears start to form in in her eyes, threatening to fall out. “Stop!” She sobs.

But he doesn’t. “Your sister died because I made her come here, and she was too weak. Now I will discard of you to.”

“Stop! Please, stop” she continues to sob, pressing the dagger closer to his chest.

“Did I ever tell you what happened to your mother? Well, let’s just say she brought shame to the family in battle. And I am willing to do the same thing to you that I did to her!”

He lets out a horrendous laugh and that sends her to the edge.

“I SAID STOOOOOOP!” She screams, tears dripping down her face.

When she opens her eyes she gasps at what she has just done.

The dagger once in her hand, is now plunged into what looked like her fathers stomach.

With a twisted smile, he coughs out blood and says, “c-congratulations. Your just like your father. A merciless killer.”

He collapses to the floor, and soon disappears in the darkness.

No no no.

I’m not bad she thinks. Dad is not bad. He’s just tough. But as she looks back on things, she begins to grow disgusted at the realizations she’s made.

And then, she grows disgusted at herself. Because she enjoyed the moment the knife entered his body. She enjoyed the power she felt over the person she once felt so vulnerable to. And she didn’t want to let go of that feeling ever.

Going back to the cave, the place where my fears live. Self-reflection can be hard Daunting Aching But necessary

I look inside myself and realise with sadness I am my worst enemy Unforgiving Merciless But not true

I am so hard and unfair to myself, ruthless! But all these thoughts... Are they real? Maybe not Stop!

A thought is just a thought, often exaggerated I look at the little girl within Crying Desperate It's just a child.

So I come out of my own cave and wonder The child deserves praise Patience Kindness We all make mistakes.

I looked into the dark, ominous cave. Shadows curled and nothing could be seen past the cave’s mouth. Torches lit with large, bright flames hung on either side of the entrance. The lights were bright but nothing could break through that perpetual darkness. I gulped, and turned toward my father. His expression was stone cold and no emotions shone through his eyes. He glared down at me, angry that I was showing my fear with my expressions. He turned to the crowd behind us and raised his hand up in a gesture of authority. “My people,” his voice boomed over the now silent crowd, “We are here to test my daughter, Fausta, and see if she is strong enough to be welcomed into our family!” The crowd roared and hollered in response to their leader. They crowded around in the clearing near the cave’s entrance. Torches were lit and glowing eerily onto the cold faces of the others in our tribe. Their hollering and roars were interrupted by my father raising his hand again. “Today we perform the coming of age ritual! My daughter, Fausta, must go into the depths of the cave and fight her worst fear, as is the way of our ancestors!” He explained. The crowds murmured. I tried to control my breathing, grip my nerves into a small ball and choke it out with the courage of my people. As my father escorted me closer to the cave’s mouth, he leaned down and said lowly to me. “In the cave lives a shapeshifter, they can see into your mind and find out what you fear most. It will try to kill you, so show no mercy. What’s the family saying?” I took a deep, calming breath and clutched my hands into fists at my sides. “There is nothing to fear, but fear itself.” I replied. He patted my back and roughly pushed me into the darkness. It swallowed me up and the lights were completely gone. My eyes struggled to adjust in the thick darkness. Soft drops of water fell onto the hard ground beneath. I gulped and brought my trembling hand to the ornate dagger at my hip. I mumbles to myself trying to calm my bubbling nerves. Then a shadow dropped before me. A startled gasp escaped my lips and I took a small step back. Before me was a small, hairless creature with large glowing eyes. It was clothed with an oversized shirt that probably belonged to it’s last meal. It grinned with sharp yellow fangs, while it observed me. “It has been awhile since they sent me a human girl. Shall we get started then?” It spoke in an ancient, gravelly voice. Its eyes shone even brighter, almost like a flashlight in the darkness, and stared me in the eyes. It’s bones popped and cracked in different angles. The skin stretched and molded into a different shape. Hair grew where it hadn't been before, and it grew taller right before my eyes. The creature reopened its eyes to reveal a pair of dark green ones. The creature had shifted into a human. She has long, straight black hair with streaks of dark brown. Tan skin replaced the hairless one and was dressed in a ceremonial dress. Her dark green eyes showed mischief as she smirked with full, pink lips. I gasped and stepped back in fear, away from the girl in horror. “It’s me!”

Walking into the cave I notice a straight line of guiding light. Someone had of course place this here before I arrived, however, I never noticed it when watching the others enter her for the first time. Stepping cautiously into the stream of light I look as straight as the beams of light could show me and ventured on.

All I had was an electric vaporiser gun, a smoking pipe, matches and a flask for water. Of course they gave me the gun with little charge, so, I would have to be calm and calculated with its use. Entering inside I hear scuffles. Looking back for an exit if things got too rough for me, I look behind. Darkness. The lights behind had disappeared and there was no way I’d travelled far enough not to see the entrance.

Eyes front. Just as my father told me.

Now though I notice, there is only one light above me. An artificial light, perhaps some kind of lamp.

I looked around scanning the environment, maybe a smoke would be necessary now. I pull out the pipe and place it on my lips. Using one of the matches to light it I keep it out in front of me. A little flame doesn’t provide too much light but it’s better than nothing. Walking forward now I start to hear more and more. I had to move quickly, it would be bad to be too easy a walking target. Dropping the match I puff on my pipe. Relieving some stress before pacing forward.

“You better start running,” says a calm and feminine voice.

I can hear the rushing of sand behind me, like someone threw one hundred maracas down a long steep hill.

Her laugh became hysteric and that’s when terror struck me. I ran as fast as I could within pitch blackness. My worst fear being suffocated by sand. I ran. Faster. I had to be as fast as I’ve ever been before. How could I defeat what I couldn’t see? I had to run for now. Father said, ‘when unsure of the enemies stance. Reposition.’ I could here his voice in my head like he was in front of me. I had to reposition.

A light appeared. Finally. Running towards it I spot a ledge high up, it needed to be a big jump to grab it. So I went for it. I threw my gun, then my pipe and leaped gripping the rocky ledge with both hands. The sand was getting closer.

“This is interesting!”

Her voice came back, almost motivating me to move on. To lift myself up onto this ledge. The sand rushing behind me I was too terrified to look!

“Please father give me strength!”

That gave me the strength alright… I lifted myself and rolled out on top of the ledge looking behind me. A sea of sand pouring through the cave like a faucet that’s been left on. Crashing underneath me, it stops.

This was only the beginning.

The girl’s long, black hair was being whipped around by the wind as she entered the cave. A couple of steps in, however, everything became still. Most of her tribe dreaded this point in their life, but she saw it as an opportunity to get to know herself better. Perhaps that was the reason for the exercise. No one is fully an adult until they are confronted with themselves. She pitied the rest of the world, who entered it without fully knowing what was at their core. Finding this out isn’t something that comes naturally. The only way to see it is too expose yourself to the heat, so to speak.

She didn’t actually know what to expect. It was common knowledge that you don’t ever talk about or listen to what happens inside the cave. That doesn’t stop the huddled conversations of the younger ones from happening occasionally, as they wonder what it is that they inevitably were to experience. They would even curiously scan the faces of those who returned to the village after their experience, but their faces were as telling as stone.

Some feared it so much they would have nightmares about it. Others would refuse to do it but then eventually comply when they couldn’t return home, find an occupation, or marry until they experienced it. Some would leave and wander for a couple of days and return, and some would enter without walking to the end, hoping to get away with their ruse. They couldn’t hide it though, and would invariably get sent back. What you don’t know until you’ve gone is that when you get back, you have a certain look. Only if you have been through it yourself do you see it, and only if you’ve been through the experience do you have it. And what you don’t know until you have the look is that the rest of your life is based on it. When you’re young you think you’re free to choose your occupation on your own, but when you get back your look determines your job, your income, and your spouse for you. No one complains, no matter what it is.

She slowly walked towards the back of the cave, more curious than afraid. The closer she got to the end, the lighter it got. Finally she came to what looked like a spherical warm glow. That was the only way to describe it. It wasn’t attached to anything, and it had no source. By all appearances, it was the source. The glow was large enough to encompass a person, and there was a platform underneath, carved out of the rock. She slowly walked up to it, and stepped into it. Suddenly it felt like her mind was inside out, despite things looking normal from the outside. Every emotion she had was amplified a thousandfold. If there was anything she hated, she wanted to destroy it. If there was anything she loved, it became an obsession. And fear… that’s the part everyone was afraid of most. Everything you fear runs through your mind. It’s as if you’re having every nightmare you ever had, but all at once.

Just when it felt like body systems are going to start shutting down from the shock of it all, the mind pushes beyond it and find its own way to calm them all down at once. As the intensity dies, what’s left is the most amazing serenity and a feeling that you have been through the worst and lived. Anything that happens for the rest of your life is nullified in intensity. All emotion and stress is permanently controlled, set at adequate levels.

The girl became reacquainted with her surroundings and stepped off the platform. She made her way towards the cave opening, eager to get back to the village. As she neared the entrance, again she heard the wind rushing, and slowly it started whipping up her hair and her long layered robes. She fought the wind as she worked her way back to the village, but this time it was without care - just quiet determination. As she entered the village, everyone looked different to her than they had before. Each one, those who already had The Experience, had varying degrees of Serenity. Some almost didn’t have any, but it was still there. Some practically glowed with it.

She noticed, though, that one by one the villagers turned to look at her. Children and peers gazed at her intently. The rest of the villagers came up to her too, mouths gaped open. As they approached, they started dropping to their knees. She joined the younger ones in their confusion as they viewed this odd behavior, for this was something no one had ever done before. She glanced up, and the village chief was walking towards her quickly. Upon reaching her, however, he too got down on his knees. Then they all collectively bowed, and the chief spoke, holding up a golden rod to her on both hands.

“My Queen,” he said.

All who do the ritual before you say you wont be the same when you come back. They say it changes you far more then any number of lifetimes you could live. In our recorded history no one has ever seen the same thing another. Once you reach your 16th birthday you must visit The Spelunca Errorum. Face whatever challenge it presents to you. If you come back the tribe holds a celebration. If you dont… the only one that will miss you would be your mother. You are given a torch at the mouth of the cave and nothing else. Your only weapon is your mind. The beginning of the cave depicts the history of our tribe. The further you venture the darker it got, the less on the walls you could see. Some tried to depictate what they experienced, but failed to provide the clarity in their drawings. One foot in front of another, down the labyrinth you venture. To the unknown… your unknown… to the thing you fear most. Above all else this you must over come… here. Call it magic or misunderstood science or whatever else makes you feel better about it. But know that it will confuse you. It will consume you. It will hurt you. Further and further around the twists and turns of the maze. No longer are the pictures on the walls, but now blood stains and hand prints. Your torch getting dimmer, your clarity becoming hazy. The realization that you have no idea how much longer this goes on. Minutes… hours… time has no place here in the darkness. What seems like the end after all of the mental and physical torture to get to that point. Your torch glows the faintest of blue… your ears reach for any sort of sound. Your eyes adjust to the walled room around you, a podium dead center. Stepping toward it the dim blue flame snuffs out, you reach and grasp the podium as if somehow it will keep you safe. You stand in the darkness listening to the endless silence. This seemed so easy, you think to yourself. So much for seeing my greastest fear. You chuckle. You stand there a moment longer, nothing happening but your labored breathing. Turning around you search for the tunnel entrance you came in from. Now you cannot find it. Scouring the walls your hands touch only stone. No empty spaces… no void. Nothing but cold hard stone. You search for the podium. Reaching your hands out again you feel nothing. Now you start to panic. Your previous chuckle now a curse you wish you hadnt brought upon yourself. Was that my greatest fear… fear of being wrong about anything i feel confident in? My pride holding me back from completing this ritual? It couldnt be… could it? I thought more to myself in that moment then ever before. This couldnt be how i die. I have too much i want to show everyone that i can do. Too much to prove. Sure im self centered but i am essential to the tribe. And they will know it! I focus my minds eye on my surroundings. Searching for my way out. Come on! Where is that damn doorway?! Then a voice called to me. “She wont make it.” It snorted at the thought of her downfall. “Good riddence if she dies. Shes nothing but trouble.” Said another. How could they say that about me? I do so much for the tribe. Her mothers voice became clear, “You let us down. How can we face the tribe now?” She asked me. Tears rolled down my cheeks at my mothers words… Im not a failure mother. Surely you know that. My thoughts had me trembling. Does my tribe truely want me gone? My own mother? Their murmuring voices became so distant now. My cheeks were stiff from the dried salt water that was my tears. I sat still on the stone floor willing to give up. I never liked being alone. And here i will die alone. Wait… thats it. My fear of being alone is keeping me here. I thought about my little sister. I cant leave her alone. She needs me. I stood up and searched again for my doorway out of here. Where she called to me, “You cant do it!”

The womb they called it. That word that was just one letter away from being a tomb. Both were deep in the Mother. Life and Death, she held them both, and we were what was in between. We all knew that, the stories around the flames in both the times of frost and the time of summer’s sweating fire. Those of us still alive, who were born in the Winter of Wanting after the driest summer that had ever been and the autumn which had come with empty hands, had come of age. Some went in with another, if they were born on the same phase of the Moon. Others, like me, had to crawl alone. The blood of my birth flowed on the cusps of the waning Moon to the new. They told me I was a dark child, born with just a thin sliver of light.

When I saw my reflection in the obsidian mirror, I believed them. My eyes were as dark as that stone. Was my soul the same? I fretted that I had been torn from the womb with some evil. Maybe that was why I could not hear or speak. The others born in my season stayed away from me and said a demon kept my ears and mouth sealed with its spiny, coiling tail. I believed them. But this was not the time to think of that. This was a time to be reborn. Or find my peace. Find my death and lay down with those who had come before. We were told the remains of those who had come before waited for us there. Would I find life or a deadly scare?

But I had to bring my mind back. No thoughts of outside, just to let my brain pull my body along. I had to become the instinct of a worm. Crawling, crawling—-empty of rumination. What would I find when I came to the end of the tunnel. Would it be the womb of rebirth or a tomb to lie down in with the other scattered bones and skulls. I had to stop this thinking. I didn’t know exactly how—-no more thinking. No more thinking I screamed at myself in the deep dark of my skull. I was halfway there. I tried to keep my body high enough on my fingertips and toes. The stone was mostly worn and oily from all the bodies that had squeezed through before, but sometimes there was a jagged slice of rock jutting out. With my body stripped of all clothes, I did not want to scrape any flesh and begin to bleed. We no longer believed in such sacrifices.

I knew I was more than halfway there. The air had turned to a gelid steam. My body hot seemed to gather the water from the air. I dared not slip from the path, one false move who knows where I’d end up. I felt as my lungs shrunk with the diminishing size of the tunnel. My head throbbed, if I could have moved my hand to my chest, I would have felt if I still had a heartbeat there. My elbows ached from their lizard stride. My knees were just a solid pain, not having been bent for more than an hour. I was but a twinge of bone and meat. My last breath left in a sigh. Then, the tips of my fingers reached a full empty space. There was a twinkle. My eyes had found some small light. I pushed and I pulled as I gave birth to myself. The second time I had found my way. This time my mother wasn’t there, but the Great Mother herself.

I looked up expecting a canopy of long dripping stones. They were not there and the air was dry. I looked up, I was not blind. I felt my lungs pull in a sky full of air. There were stars upon stars and a sliver of Moon. I looked down and saw the bones of those who had come before. From their calcified scatter, a white wisp of forms began to rise. They were my folk—-they were ghosts but I wasn’t afraid. A woman and a man glided lightly over to where I stood. Their voices together echoed in that stone dale, “You have done well—-not only here but outside among the living…”

They both smiled and suddenly they grew in stature. Their bodies thinned and raised themselves to the sky. Each reached out with their hands and plucked a star from the dark. Then they fell back to their familiar luminescent bodies. There was a smile on their faces. “You are one of us,” they said without a move of their lips.

The next thing I knew, that plucked light pinched between their fingers was placed in my eyes. What was once dark obsidian, became glowing quartz. It didn’t hurt. Not even a sting. But there was a buzz within my head.

“You born on the last sliver of the Moon becoming new, you are the next Seer for our Folk.”

Without knowing what was happening I had been pushed back through that tunnel. It was an easy squeeze. There was no darkness left for me. Not there. Not in my eyes. Every fear was gone, except without tongue or ears how could I hear the others questions and have the ability to answer. I guess I would have to wait until I was reborn again out into the light of the day. With my eyes as bright as the sun, they’d all be surprised.

The once soulful and vibrant village has fallen deafening still. Where the children once ran and played; has been abandoned by all but the very dirt that lays. The once bustling market that rests annually on this gut wrenching day. Young men and women all shall face on this day, the Hiyrogiri, the transition with no bounds. All that is known by those who have undergone this trial, is that no advice can arm you better. The youth have been taught all they can, unlike Ruby. Ruby’s parents have fuelled the horrific tale that owns the air this time of year. Where there are whispers, notes, and fables the tale looms. Of the young couple that was banished from the village immediately before their trial. Some say the couple was lustful, some say the couple was driven to madness in anticipation of the trial, and some say the couple was driven by external entities with no clear goal.

The tale has many variations; all remains the same. Ruby’s parents were banished before the trial, and none before nor after have been ever banished from the village. As the youth gather along the outskirts of the village no songs are sung, no love is shared, mother’s embrace their beloved children as they never have before. Teenagers baffled, some paralysed by fear, and others stand in there facade of stoicism. Ruby walks through the islands of people and specks of humans. As he continues through, there is no embrace for Ruby; he is not loved nor wished well. Ruby has learned an ugly truth from a young age. Each man and woman must stand alone——eventually.

“Let there be peace in your minds and stillness in your breath. I shall lay the wretched tale to rest prior to your own trial on this day of days” Dawn continues to say, “There is none in this village with the imagination of the two, and there is only one with a true connection to that. Abandon the short paddles used to traverse shallow waters. They will serve to no end here.” Dawn gives each a small scroll. Dawn finishes, “Your instructions are as follows. Take this scroll to your designated cave. You must only open your scroll before you enter the cave. You must enter the cave after you’ve read your scroll. Your trial will be over once you can read your scroll inside of the cave.” Ryuk asks Dawn, “What if we don’t enter the cave after we read the scroll and and and what if we can’t read the scroll inside the cave?” Dawn replies, “That is all.” Dawn, with tears in her eyes, walks past the participants and family. Dawn has never fully accepted her role.

The walk was long and the walk was short. Ruby has thought of nothing but his banished parents. He wonders what Dawn meant in her initial speech to the participants, there is only one near the two. No matter, the entrance of the cave is before Ruby. Now the time has come, Dawns voice echoes in Ruby’s head. As Ruby continues to open the scroll there is a gust of warm and cold air coming from the cave. As if the cave craves Ruby, and has waited for this moment just as Ruby has. Ruby opens his scroll,the earth stands still, there is not a sound but Ruby’s own heart pulsating obsessively. This scroll contains the truth Ruby has known and fear he has never spoken. Time is still, Ruby’s breath fluctuates before setting foot in the cave. A presence joins him only for a brief moment. This presence unknown to him, but somehow is what he has always known.

Ruby walks into this envelopment of darkness. Where the shadows cast away stand tall, where the fears of man are as true as laws of land, and where Ruby shall face what has consumed his nightmares since the day he could remember. With each step Ruby feels uneasy as the burden grows. His sweat runs hot, but is cold to the touch; his mind once steeled he feels soften. Ruby’s mind and body slowly deteriorate with each step. The cave is filled with this nightmare of his. It is heard in the whispers of the walls, it is felt with the emotion projecting itself through darkness upon Ruby’s will. It’s intent circulates through Ruby’s body with every breath that he takes. Ruby face the sins and despair of his unknown bloodline.

Darkness. Pitch black. Literally nothing. I don’t mean the fun kind either; I mean the wet, dank kind that makes your eyes burn because they’re searching for anything to see. The descent into the cave had been a harsh one due to my lack of knowledge and understanding of what the hell I was supposed to be doing in the first place. I began the decent at least 5 minutes ago. “It’ll make you stronger,” they said. “It’ll allow your passage into The Heavens,” they claimed. I don’t know where I’m at, but it’s far from The Heavens. In fact I’m pretty sure I’m at least 6 feet down. I only know this because of the skeleton I just passed with a stone carving reading ‘6 feet here’. How comforting. Luckily for me, there just happened to be a torch there. That happened to be lit. Recently. Cool, free torch! Well now that I’m a few more steps further, I think the stone engraving also said something along the lines of ‘no freedom’ and ‘it’s not worth it’. Quite reassuring if you ask me. Reminds me of when my mother told me about the wonders of being a child-bearer (no, I didn’t ask her to tell).

I don’t think I can do it.

I mean, could you if you knew your biggest fear was yourself? The broken images you see in your mirror, the lilting whispers never fading from your ear?

But I bite my fear back and trudge forward.

Immediately a blast of zero-degree air hits me. Knocks me back. Leaves me spinning. Even as I stand, still several meters away, I can see images burning at the back of my brain, begging to light the flame of fear.

Of course, I think. It’s trying to find my deepest fear. And it will in a matter of but a few seconds.

I’m right.

Images swirl behind my eyes, searing pain and bright light streaking. I see myself, hollow eyes and alone. Alone.

Worthless.

Stumbling, reaching forward on my hands and knees, I venture further.