you’ve heard me say

_i am not good with words, _

_i have a hard time getting them out._

_i prefer to write. _

you have requested that i write for you moments of us.

and so, for you, i will write.

i will write about the day we finally collided in this lifetime

how your hazel eyes penetrated my soul

how the pull i felt to you was gentle, yet insistent.

how at first i thought we would be fun. just some fun in a complicated and lonely life

a life filled with emptying ourselves for the sake of others.

i will write about how my breath caught in my throat when i first witnessed your smile and experienced your laugh

how it stopped me in my tracks and quickly became my favorite melody in a cacophony of meaningless noise.

i’ll replay for you the easy conversations we had, the conversations that made it so clear we are meant for so much more than temporary fun. i’ll remind you of how our connection became so evident. so obvious. as obvious as the sun’s love for the moon or the ocean’s need for the rivers that feed it.

i will write write about how my soul sighed in relief when our lips first met and our bodies first found home.

i’ll describe how i felt when our breathing synced and i became safe baring my skin and soul to you. that i felt so _right. i felt like i was home. _

i’ll do my best to tell you how i feel as if a thread is wrapped around the ribcage of my very being, connecting you and i through every universe and time our souls have traveled through to land us here_._

i will do my best to describe how you’ve unearthed a part of me that i thought lost. lost to time, lost to trauma, and lost to fear. i will tell you all about who i’ve become because_ you believe in me_.

i will write about what i think of you.

i’ll stumble over words trying to explain how you hold the very essence of all that is _good _and all that is_ fair _and_ kind _and_ gentle. _

__

i’ll spend hours struggling to explain how i admire you for who you are. for who you’ve become despite your trials and failures.

and i’ll tell you how much i love you - not in spite of them but because of them.

i’ll type and retype, over and over again to find the most perfect way to explain to you how much you mean to me.

i will fail every single time because there are not enough words, nor are there the _right_ words to use when telling you how much i adore you.

i will write about the dreams i lose myself in when sleep evades me.

i’ll paint you a picture of little hands and feet leaving prints around a home we’ve built together.

i’ll show you how i see myself being lucky enough to be present in the lives of the smiles you already have; how i’ll be honored to share the same space of those who held your hand before i did.

i’ll write about how i know that when my time comes, i will be ready. i will be ready for what comes after; what happens in the unknown. i will be ready because i know in the next life

in the next universe

in the next cluster of stars

i will find you.

so, until then,

_i will write for you._