I cannot move

I cannot think

My vision is all a blur

And my mind is full of you

Full of The brightness you gave before you went dark

Before you fell into that abyss of emptiness,

The happy you,

The smiling you,

The laughing you,

The prankster you,

The jokester you,

If only i knew how quickly that could fade away…

If only i knew that wasn’t actually you…

That the brightness was just a cover up for the darkness you didn’t want to show,

The carefully made pranks were to get your mind of those thoughts you told yourself weren’t true,

The happiness was a lie for how you felt low,

If only i knew that was your last breath

If only i knew that you were the one to take your last breath,

If only i knew

If only i knew

If only i knew

Now i stand before your cobbled headstone the words engraved marking the years you were alive,

My tears fall

But no sound comes out

I place the red pricked rose on the dirt

Constantly thinking,

If only i knew

If only i knew

If only i knew