It Comes Back When You Least Expect It.
Christmas break is here, time to go see family.
Smile, Smile, Smile, SMILE, SMILE MOTHERFU-
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Depression.
The feeling of numbness and neglect combined with socially anxiety.
I tripped ah shit okay nothing happened that was embarrassing- I’m talking out loud. FU-
Why am I feeling the same as I did in middle school?
Why do I want to-
I’m stuck in my room, I forgot to eat.
Have I showered?
One week, one shower.
Two weeks, one shower.
Therapist.
Your depression is back.
Three weeks of depression.
The thrill of sitting in the car on the way to family, not for visiting but for the prospect of how I can die right now if I wanted.
Standing smiling slightly at Christmas.
Crying because everyone’s taking my things.
Walking around school in an empty shell.
Empty, numb, sad.
Mood swings, hormones.
Family, worried.
Friends, scared.
Cat, reason to be happy.
Art, reason to be happy.
Finding childhood bear, reason to be happy.
So why am I not happy?
Why is this happening again.
My life is great so why,
why…
Is it coming back when I least expect it.
This is exactly me. When I’m feeling like this, I feel like I have no reason to be. I have so many things to be grateful for, yet I can’t feel it.
Amazing poem!!❤️
I think my phones breaking, I can’t see your comment after you mentioned your playlist (if you did reply, I’m questioning my sanity at this point cause my comments keep disappearing)
MINE TOOOO
This breaks my heart wide open, because this is exactly how I’m feeling. When I say you’re not alone, I don’t mean “you’ve got people to support you” I mean “I am literally standing right beside you fighting the same shit you’re fighting.” You are SO not alone. And I really, really wish you didn’t feel this because you absolutely do not deserve it. Nobody does, but you’re so amazing, you’re someone who can make me laugh or cry happy tears or just brighten my life in general. You’re so easy to talk to, and you’ve helped me so many times and I know you’ll help me more than I can even imagine in the future.
And this hits me really hard, because I really do get what you’re feeling. Trying to smile through the pain, forgetting to take care of yourself- and especially not knowing why everything feels so wrong. Like, I have every reason to be happy, and I really was a few weeks ago, so why does everything feel so awful again? Honestly, I had just been feeling really great, possibly the happiest in my life, when my most recent wave of idek-what-to-call-this-shit hit. So I really do understand how it being so unexpected makes it so much worse.
I don’t really believe that anybody can ever know EXACTLY how someone else feels, but trust me when I say that I really do get what you’re going through. And gosh, you do NOT deserve it. I’ll be here for anything that you need, and I’m wishing you the absolute best. I’ll always be here for you🫶🫂
Holy shit that’s a long comment… sorry😅
AWWWW IM HERE FOR YOU TOOO. And don’t worry I ain’t clocking out till the universe decides 😎
I’d have to say putting a label (depression) on what I’m feeling really does kinda help. I know you’re here for me and I am here for you too! Even when people don’t deserve it they get it. That’s how life works because it’s everyone’s first for everything so how am I supposed to know what to do? I’m glad I make you happy!!! I know I got a good support system everywhere. (Even though one friend is like don’t do this because mental health wards are shit) I’m glad I can resonate with you too. My mom says that like 70% of the world has depression so we are definitely not alone lol 😂
❤️🫂
