Christmas break is here, time to go see family.

Smile, Smile, Smile, SMILE, SMILE MOTHERFU-

Depression.

The feeling of numbness and neglect combined with socially anxiety.

I tripped ah shit okay nothing happened that was embarrassing- I’m talking out loud. FU-

Why am I feeling the same as I did in middle school?

Why do I want to-

I’m stuck in my room, I forgot to eat.

Have I showered?

One week, one shower.

Two weeks, one shower.

Therapist.

Your depression is back.

Three weeks of depression.

The thrill of sitting in the car on the way to family, not for visiting but for the prospect of how I can die right now if I wanted.

Standing smiling slightly at Christmas.

Crying because everyone’s taking my things.

Walking around school in an empty shell.

Empty, numb, sad.

Mood swings, hormones.

Family, worried.

Friends, scared.

Cat, reason to be happy.

Art, reason to be happy.

Finding childhood bear, reason to be happy.

So why am I not happy?

Why is this happening again.

My life is great so why,

why…

Is it coming back when I least expect it.