The man that looked back at me in the mirror is a shell. A husk of what I use to be. Nothing mattered anymore, not after she left.

She was always right there, right across the hall from me. Her golden hair that smells of sunflowers and vanilla, her honey brown eyes that warm me from a far, and her olive skin that’s heavily speckled to appear as marble.

She has the kindest heart, and always puts others before her. That’s how we met, I was on my way back from the market and tripped. Spilling the contents of my grocery bags.

“Oh my goodness! Are you alright?” She knelt in front of me, her voice was that of an angel, sweet and innocent. She was dressed in black tights and thick heeled Dock Martons. Her skirt was a dark forest green plaid with black tool underneath. Her sweater was cream colored and was long sleeved, the neck was very high and was flush to the bottom of her head.

She began to gather the fruit that hit the ground. _Don’t touch it, it’s ruined and it might ruin you. _I thought, her delicate hands carefully filled the reusable bag like she was playing a game of Tetris.

“I’ll be alright,” looking back to see what I tripped over, and it was none other than my shoe laces. “Darn things won’t stay tied.” Mumbling, I began to pack the other bag.

We reached for the same can of soup, my hand overlapped her’s and I felt my heart stop beating for a moment. She was so soft, so warm in my large hands.

“Oh, sorry!” My hand withdrawns quickly.

“Don’t be sorry!” She laughs, and it was instantly my favorite sound in the world. “It looks like your shoe came untied, let me help you with that.” She goes around me, I flip over onto my backside, and she instantly has my shoe in her lap as she reties the laces.

“Oh Miss, you’ve done so much already,” I’m grateful for her help but for her to do this felt like I was taking advantage of it.

“It’s quite alright, I know a few tricks when it comes to extra long laces like these.” _Please don’t stop talking._ I pleaded in my head, her voice was smooth as silk and left me starving for more. It wasn’t more than a few minutes that she stood, dusting off her tights and readjusting her sweater and shoulder bag.

“Thank you, Miss.” my hand out stretched to hers to show my gratitude.

“Talihya Griffon, and you are?” She took my hand gently. I was so scared to close my own in case I broke her.

“Oh uh, Micah Allenson.” She gave a kind smile to me, my cheeks turning hot. I broke the hand shake, grabbed my things, and turned to head inside, “it was nice meeting you miss Griffon!”

“Just call me Talihya!” And with that the door to the building closed, I rushed up to my small apartment, practically throwing the bags inside and slamming the door.

“She was….” The lock clicked in place, the chained sliding across the metal latch, and me with my back to the wall slowly falling to the floor, “Exquisite.” The word felt so right for her.

From that day, it wasn’t long until we ran into each other again, this time in the mail room. She was my neighbor across the hall, I just never seen her given our schedules are so different.

I worked at the hospital, strictly on nights, as a nurse attending to the patients in the ICU. I’ve been at the hospital for just a little over 5yrs now, and am getting ready to move up to Senior Nurse, and move to the day shift schedule. It’s a major adjustment for myself since spending the last 5yrs only on night shift.

Talihya worked as a barista at the coffee house next to the hospital in the mornings and was attending night classes at the local college to get her Bachelor’s in business financing. I wouldn’t have guessed any of that, I assumed she was a model for how perfect she looked. And her outfits everyday were wonderfully cute and elegant.

Time flew by and she never left my mind, everyday I would get home right before she left for work, I would get to see her hustle out the door, her hair bouncing ever so slightly as she ran down the stairs and out of view. One day she forgot to lock her door, she was really late that morning.

I wanted to go over and lock her handle at least, but something inside me spoke. _‘Go inside’ _

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She wasn’t coming back right? She left for work, right?

The urge to go in and look at her place ate at me, I wouldn’t sit still until I did.

“No! I can’t! That’s wrong!” Shaking my head at my dirty thoughts. But it was the thought of seeing what kind of panties she wore, if her bras matched, if her sheets smelled like her. I felt myself become aroused at the image of her lying underneath me in a matching babydoll outfit that was peer white, the bow made of satin, the lace shimmering in the low lighting. “She won’t be back until 2pm, I’ll just have a quick peek, and then lock the door for her.”

The hinges on the old wooden door to my apartment squealed loudly, the floor boards beneath creaked with every step I took, as I reached for her handle and opened her door, the bell went off at the top right corner as it always did. My heart settled and my body relaxed for a second.

“Mr. Allenson!” I practically jumped out of my skin as the old lady from upstairs made her way down to our floor, “What on _earth _are you doing going into Ms. Griffon’s unit while she’s away!?” Her question made me feel ashamed of myself, but at the same time felt good for what I was actually doing.

“Good morning, Mrs. Dothman, Talihya was running late and forgot to lock her door this morning, I’m just locking the handle and going to sleep.” I gave a small smile to the small woman that hobbled down the stairs with her cane. The same Mahogany cane that she hit me with my first day moving in, thinking I was stealing from one of the tenants.

“Oh, well that’s rather nice of you, Mr. Allenson.” She corrected her tone speedily, “Since you’re still up, do be so kind and help me down the rest of the stairs.” We lived on the 2nd floor so it wasn’t that big of a deal.

“Of course, Mrs. Dothman.” I assisted her the rest of the way to the ground floor and into a car waiting for her. I returned to my floor, back for Talihya’s unit. The motivation I had to enter was still there, this time I listened closely for any more tenants to emerge, but besides the creaking of the old building and the gentle wind outside, everything was quiet.

The bell sounded again, and then my face was hit with vanilla bean. The warm scent made me push through and close the door behind me. Her unit was the mirrored floor plan to mine. Though she had floor to ceiling bookshelves stacked full of anything that had binding and pages.

“She loved to read.” I say quietly as I spot a bay window sill decked out with cushions and a lamp, a copy of a popular book left open was face down to save her spot. I take mental note of the book to read later.

I continued to wonder around until I found her bedroom, and her dresser. There I found what I had fantasized about. A white babydoll lingerie with shimmering lace and satin ribbon. My hand subconsciously palmed the bulge between my legs. Remembering how soft her skin was, imagining how sweet her moans would sound.

I rummage through her clothes hamper and find the tights she wore that day, pocketing them, and then making my way out of the unit. I checked the peep hole to make sure no one was out in the hall. I was confident enough to open the door, the bell rang as it was opened and closed with the handle now locked.

“Yes, Mrs. Dothman, I’m just dropping by really fast, then I’m heading to class.” That’s Talihya, and she was coming up the stairs. I push into my unit, making sure the door doesn’t slam shut, locking the deadbolt, and not making a sound.

Her heeled boots thud on each step, making her way to her door. Oh how beautiful she looked, the dark colors against her skin made me want to touch her. My bulge throbbed at the thought.

Talihya tries to open her unit, “Huh, I swear I forgot to lock my door this morning. Oh well,”Not thinking much into it, she jaunts back down the stairs and heads to class. It was then that I realized that it was 2:10 in the afternoon, I had stayed up for most of the day, and haven’t slept yet. I had to be back at the hospital by 7pm.

As time passed, my infatuation with Talihya grew more into an obsession. I got risky every time she left her unit, picking the lock, silencing the bell at the top and making my way to her room to fantasize about us together. How she would greet me everyday from coming home, and how her lips would feel as she kissed my cheek goodbye.

“Oh Talihya, how I love you.” I would mumble to myself, mindlessly rearranging her books, leaving her little presents or fluffing her pillows in her reading corner.

About noon every day, I’d leave just as quietly as I came, I still had to sleep some for work that evening. My sleep wasn’t that important but I still had to function like normal to not draw attention to myself.

On my days off, I started following her to the coffee house, and then later to her classes. Making sure she was safe arriving and leaving. It was more dangerous at night for such a beautiful young lady to walk alone at night. It was then that I followed her home. I wanted her to be safe, but I also wanted her to not know that I was me doing all these little things.

**A Month Later**

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Talihya still has no idea that it’s been me. Since the night I followed her home, I have been promoted to Senior Nurse and have been on the day schedule. I no longer follow her around during the day, but now only focus on her at night.

I loved watching her from the fire escape as she slept so comfortably in her feather down comforter and silk sheets. I was happy with how our relationship was. Every night I would touch myself to the scent of her tights, the desire to actually be with her was unbearable. Her smile infectious, and her laugh intoxicating.

“All I want is you, in my arms, forever and always.”

I thought everything was perfect. I thought I was doing everything right. Until _he _showed up. Bryor Jones, her classmate at the college. They became a little too close for my liking. It almost felt like she was cheating.

How dare she do this to us….to _me_.

She was smiling at someone else. Gave her attention to someone else. Let someone else touch her soft skin, feel her warm lips.

_Letting someone else hear her laugh_.

Every time Bryor would drop her off, I’d hear them out in the hall. The sound of them kissing goodbye, giggling at one another….it all made my blood boil with jealousy. Knowing I would never have that with her fueled my anger at not only Bryor, but Talihya too.

It was a few weeks after when I had snapped, everything was pretty much a blur. All except the last 10 minutes can I recount what took place in her bed room.

_“Talihya~” I sang her name sweetly. She stirred below me. “My sweet love, Talihya. Good morning, my precious girl.” Though it was only 1:27 in the morning, she woke screaming. That was muffled due to the tape across her mouth. Her eyes darted all over the room, until they landed on Bryor….or what was left of him. _

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_“Now, Talihya,” I slid the backside of the blade I had used against her cheek, trying to soothe her. “You gave me no other choice, my sweet dear. I had to get rid of him for our sake.” _

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_Talihya’s precious screams silenced, her eyebrows pinching in confusion. She…had….no….idea!_

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_“I don’t understand why you would do this to us, we were absolutely perfect the way we were.” I took a breath, thinking about all the times Bryor was over here, making her laugh. It made me angry…beyond angry…I was livid with her!!! I flipped the blade, pressing it into her cheek. And I watched her eyes grow wide with fear. _

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_“Then you went and got Bryor involved, and look what happened to him.” I push her face to see the lifeless stare he had, “HE’S DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU BEING A WHORE!” I screamed in her face. I was losing control again, control of my sense of direction, but the look in her eyes just made more and more pissed off. She looked at me like I was the one that ruined everything._

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_“YOU RUINED EVERYTHING WE HAD BY SPREADING YOUR LEGS FOR ANOTHER MAN!!! Now you get DIE LIKE THE SLUT YOU ARE!!” I tore the comforter off her, revealing her naked body. My, my, it was like a work of art….too bad it’ll be ruined with a bunch of stab wounds. Her muffled screams were like a symphony to me._

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_One swing of my arms and that’s when everything went black once more. I came to while in cuffs, the police were holding me down on Talihya’s living room floor, soaked in her’s and Bryor’s blood, mumbling the words ‘I loved you, my sweet Talihya.’ As calm as I could be. _

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Since then, I just stare at myself in a dirty rusted mirror, dressed in a white jumpsuit with a number on the left side breast pocket.

When I look in that mirror, the man that looked back was a shell. A husk of what I use to be. Nothing mattered anymore, not after I murdered sweet Talihya Griffon, the love of my life.