I sit down

So ready

To conquer this test

With my sharpened pencil

I write my name

With loopy letters

Perfectly spaced

Then I look over

The first page

Expecting to feel

Like I know it

But instead

The words blend

Together

The graphs

Become meaningless

The symbols

Turn into scribbles

My mind

S

E

A

R

CH

ES

and

**S**

**E**

**A**

**R**

**CH**

**ES**

For _anything_

But what does it find?

_Nothing._

So I skip the question

Swearing to myself

My mind just needs to

“Take a break”

So it can “recooperate”

Easy questions come

Blinding my reality

Like a little taste of sugar

In a sea full of salt water

It tastes so good

I feel so _smart_

Until I decide to take the risk

And swim deeper

I turn the page

A word problem

Sketch_ a graph_

It reads

_Then explain your answer_

I don’t understand

The teachers know why

They have

A literal _answer key_

So why do you have to explain

Something they already know?!

The clock ticks

My “perfectly spaced”

Handwriting becomes

My “my fingers are too fat”

Handwriting

At this point,

I have no clue

What the heck I’m doing

Drawing my graphs

Goes like this:

_Erase_

_Erase_

_Erase_

_Draw _

_Sit up and stare_

_Erase_

_Erase_

_Erase_

_Redraw_

_Second guess it_

_Erase _

_Erase_

_Draw again_

_Contemplate_

_Give up_

The waves get angrier

And the salt water

In my lungs

Rises

My hands get sweaty

My mind races

My heart cries for help

My eyes water with exhaust

_You should’ve studied more_

_You should’ve asked your teacher more questions _

_You should’ve never picked up your phone _

_You should’ve been better _

_You should be smarter_

_A smart person would know this…_

__

__

These thoughts

Aren’t afraid

To be loud

But a little sliver

In my heart

Whispers

_Atleast you tried_

_ _

__

So I try your best

To finish

Then

Hand it over

Because why does it have to matter so much?

Why can’t trying your best actually feel like an accomplishment for once?__

__

__

(My ACT is tomorrow. Hoping for the best😭)