"I'm sorry, I promise it was an accident."

I heard his words but I couldn't speak. Had he really said what I thought he said? An accident? I felt my blood boiling, a warm sensation of anger that pulsates through my veins.

"Please say something."

I wanted to yell, scream, throw everything in the room at him, throw all his stuff out the window... but for some reason I couldn't. I couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't react.

My mind swirled with the thoughts of him entangled with her. Did he whisper the same sweet nothings in her ear as he did with me? I did everything I could to have a child for this man, but he went off and had one without me. Now another woman had what I craved for the last 5 years.

The rush of anger I felt a moment ago was replaced by an intense sadness. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I stood and turned on my heel, headed for the bathroom.

"Please, baby, just talk to me?"

I don't turn around and look at him, I just beeline straight for the bathroom until I am inside. I shut the door and lock it. I sit on the floor and let the tears fall. Each tear feels warm with a different emotion--anger, denial, sadness, frustration, pain. My body remembers the date and time of every treatment, the sting of a needle drawing or dispensing to and from my body. I put my body through hell to give him something I was never even sure I wanted.

I hear a knock at the door.

"Baby I know you need time to process so I'll give you some space. Just give me a call and I'll come back."

I don't speak.

"I hope you know that I love you so much."

Again, silence.

I'm almost sure I hear an intake of breath, as though he was going to say something more, but he decided against it and I hear his footsteps receding. I hear the door close and I know he's gone. I felt the fresh wave of tears well up in my eyes.

The tears on my cheeks felt colder this time, responding to the gentle breeze coming in through the cracked window. In any other circumstances, I would welcome the breeze. Now the cold reflected the loneliness I felt.

I screamed. I felt the sound shaking my body, piercing my lungs and throat, and I collapsed onto the floor in a heap.