The past few months

have been a blur

endless yelling

mom to dad

dad vents to me about mom

he says it’s a never ending fight

i don’t like when he says that

i try to repair their relationship

but it was dead a long time ago

they don’t say i love you anymore

i haven’t seen them hug each other in months

all i hear is yelling

there’s not a lot of love at home

so little i can’t call it home at all

i don’t remember every time

i try to block them out

but they come creeping back

dad told us we were moving

far away

i wouldn’t be back at school

i’d never see my friends

dad locked us in the basement

while he and mom fought

i didn’t cry

i put on a brave face for my brothers

knowing my whole life was falling apart

we ended up staying

and school was starting the next day

so when i came back

i was out of it

eyes glazed over

as i walked through the halls

thinking of how i almost lost the people i’ve known my whole life

some of them don’t talk to me much

i still care about them though

and that’s what matters

i look at their wedding photos

how they once saw each other with so much love

now gone

sometimes i think it’s my fault

they fight over things they wouldn’t fight about

if they didn’t have kids

i hold my little brothers

as they cry

i don’t

i know i have to be strong

i cry at night

i go to school the next day with puffy eyes

i try to tell my friends

but they don’t listen

i feel a pain

a physical

seething

pain

in my heart

anytime i hear a yell

i hate yelling

yet it is all i know

i hate anger

yet it is all i know

i can’t be vulnerable at home

more yelling

more anger

i project onto those i care about

people often say i have a short temper

i laugh

but i know deep down

where it came from

i show my sadness in anger

like my parents do

things have blurred over the summer

i’ve lost touch with people

worried about fighting

like my parents

i’d rather drift than end on a fight

i focus on things that have already happened

i spiral about things that might happen

i can’t trust new people

and im losing my old

maybe i’ll find peace

with myself

while hearing all the yelling at home

i get worried

i see myself in my parents

i don’t come from love

how can i show it?