Never the top priority.

Never the most important.

Never even listened to.

Just act natural.

But that’s okay. No, I don’t mind. “Go ahead and talk all you want.” It’s not like there was one little thing I was hoping to tell you. And- “What do you need?” I totally wasn’t in the middle of telling why I was really proud of myself today. “Sorry, what were you saying?” My mistake, I talked over you when you interrupted my effing sentence.

Just act natural.

I swear I’m going to scream.

One of these days, I’m going to cover my ears and scream at the top of my lungs.

Or break down in the violent tears I’ve suppressed for so long.

Or at least go quietly destroy something, feel something break in my hands.

Just act natural.

I don’t mean to express anything real. I don’t want to show any of the emotions that haunt my mind. I don’t want you to know how broken, how desperate I really am.

Maybe that’s why it hurts so badly that I couldn’t even tell you a random little detail about today. Maybe that’s why I’m so upset that I never got a chance to share that one insignificant thing.

Just act natural!

And, suddenly, it’s all flowing to the surface.

The box I keep tightly locked in my chest is fighting to explode.

But I can’t fall apart now.

Just act natural!

So I quietly go to my chair. Silently put on my headphones. Pretend my hands aren’t shaking as I blast music. Don’t glance up. Don’t give them a chance to see my face before I get my mask back up.

Just act natural. You’re in control.

I’m fine. I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine.

Of course I’m fine.

Obviously.

I always am, duh.

I start to type, start to write-

But I’m shaking, and my eyes are welling up.

I can’t, I can’t hide.

I’m going to fall apart right here and now-

And suddenly it all…

           …falls…





                                   …apart-

“Just. Act. Natural!”