As I sit on my bed, curled up in a ball, I silently cry. I feel my hands and feet going numb. I know this is my fault. I was too needy, too focused on capturing your love that I threw away our friendship. And now I’ve lost you completely…

The pain is becoming unbearable. I have to move around. I walk outside and sit on the grass. As I lay down and look up at the sky, my mind returns to when we were together. I wasted so much time being unhappy. You told me you couldn’t love me in that way. I couldn’t accept that. Now my arms and legs are completely numb. I look down at my feet. They look like they belong to someone else. I feel as though my body is joining the grass underneath me.

My mind starts to get foggy and I close my eyes. I ignore the feeling of heartbreak as I imagine what it would’ve been like if I hadn’t pushed you. Maybe you would’ve fallen for me eventually. Or we could’ve stayed best friends. Both would’ve been incredible. My whole body is numb. The only thing I can feel is my heartbeat. My shattered, broken, heart beat.

The last thing I see is you. You’re smiling at me. I remember the one time you hugged me. I repeat the words “I love you” in my head to the beat of my heart. It gets slower and slower until it finally shatters into a million pieces, joining the earth forever.