Where am I? Why am I here? The last thing I remember is being sat near a train station, drunk of alcohol, seeking for a miraculous channel of light to carry me home. Instead, I stuck in the bleak, drippy lanes of Hammersmith, yearning for a way back to the comfort of my own bed.

That's the last thing I remember but now I've woken up in a hospital bed. How did I get here? Was I attacked? Did I knock myself out? Did I fall asleep? What happened?