The golden child is always the trophy of the family, The one who shines brightly and receives all the accolades that automatically magnitises towards them like it is owed to them from birth, The one who floats around and initiates sweet, silent, glib smiles to the other siblings, full of ego and a sense of pride knowing they are the favourite one, they are the chosen one and they can do no wrong, The one who is always picked and prioritised out of everyone in the family, The one you always asks and receives all of their wishes.
Storms have been the centre point of my life and my entire existance, Constantly experiencing and delving deep in to... Chaos and sudden upheaval, Infinite debilitating breakages, Complete carnage, Intense bouts of dark clouds and deep emotions, Sadness and grief, Devastating heartbreak, Deception & illusion, Loneliness and neglect, Abuse and terror. Storms really have ruled and ran my entire existance. Those that know me will tell you and laugh and wonder how I made it through. For the longest time, I would pray for peace, calm and tranquility, and crave this more than anything but it seemed like the infinite wave of chaos just followed me around like a magnet. Even when I've tried to hide in a cave and run from the heavy tides that seem to always flow my way, it just wouldn't stop. I would ask God, why me? What have I done so bad to have the flow of incessant stream of hurricanes and storms run over my life. I would cry, plea, and beg for the storms to just stop so I can just breathe for once. I would wish for and crave a life more peaceful. I would crave for a life like my friends who just had simple lives, with calmness and peace in their lives. No storms, no chaos, and no pain. Today I wake up and realise that the storms are starting to clear a bit and finally I realise were just a long string of ancestral wounding, feminine wounding, patriotic narcissism, destabilisation of my own power, demon attacks amongst other thinhs, with a bid to empower me to evolve the growth within my soul. So now, we are here, after the storm and free from all the things that tied me down. Free from fear, culture, religion, men, oppression, stagnation, stereotypes, expectations, judgements. Now I'm in my strength and own the power of my own voice without anyone telling me who or what I should be. The storms were excruciating to live through but now I see it bought me my salvation and freedom. Pressure creates diamonds - it's my time to shine.
The night time really is mysterious. The dark cape of nightshade blanketing over the bright blue of the day time. The twinkling stars, sparkling like lonely diamonds in the sky, whispering secrets nothings to each other. The mother moon, gazing and descending on the piercing diamonds, like a proud mother telling them to remain silent and just to let their sparkle shine bright. I lay here in these dark skies thinking of you and wonder if you think of me too. For the longest time, I thought you did. I thought you remembered those feelings of when we first saw each other. I thought you remembered all the long hugs and short gazes we gave to each other. I thought you remembered that hug where we held on to each other so tight, we couldn't breathe. The magical tingles between us, went for the longest time keeping us deeply embraced in each others bodies. That was an unexplainable feeling and I think both of us at the point questioned what that was after we let go. Looking at each other in shock and disbelief. It was definitely a pivotal moment and even if I think about it now, I still feel that same unexplained feeling. I thought after that, you may have felt what I felt but when I see you chasing after other women, I realised that maybe it was just me that felt that. It pains me deeply to see you loving someone else. Somewhere inside me hoped you were the one but I see now that you just another phoney. Another fake and another trickster. My real pain is that I let you get close to me, after so many years of being shut down and in return, you were so callous and unloving. I thought the universe bought me a gift but instead it was another lesson in another version. After been closed for so long, I opened my heart again to be absolutely traumatised again forcing me to massively retreated in to this shell again. I opened up and trusted you and you were just another big let down. So it's ok, I learnt my lesson quicker than I would in the past and I'm no longer avoiding these red flags. If someone can take you from me, you weren't mine to begin with. I want a loyal heart not a player. So it's ok, we will keep it moving. Thank you for showing me what a coward you are for opening my heart and not having the courage to love me. I see it now and I'm sorry I even let you in. I free you, I release you from my heart, mind and soul and I let you go to what is comfortable for you. I'm sorry I ever opened my heart to you and I thank you for hurting me and forcing me to let go. Goodbye.
What is belonging? ... Who do we belong to? ... Where do we call home? ... Who do we call home? ... What is home? Is it a place? A person? A feeling? People question what it feels to belong. From the day we are born, we are told who we are and who we should be. What we belong to. Who we belong to. What our race is, who our family is, what our religion is, what tribe we fit in to. We are told we belong in certain groups, tribes, organised religions but are we really? Sure, these groups bring a sense of familiarity and kinship but do we still feel we belong when we are categorised in these groups? When we finally identify with these boxes and shapes, do you still really fit in to the mold? Do we really resonate with these paradigms society decides we should fit in to? Do these expectations really give us a sense of belonging? What if you tried in all ways to fit in to these shapes and still you don't fit in? What if you've exhausted every box they tell you we should fit in to, but you still don't? Where do you belong then, if you don't fit in to your race, religion, tribe or box? Who are you then? Are you unique, or are you a misfit or are you actually free? Do you not belong to anyone then? What is belonging anyways?... Maybe when you break out of these shapes and boxes and see your own uniqueness, you will find where you fit and where you belong. Maybe it is away from these programs society begs us to depict and keeps us in a chockhold of who we are supposed to be. Most people are lost trying to fit in to the program and force themselves in to a sense of belonging. Too scared to step out the box, that they fear and stick with the programming. The truth is, when you break past the illusions of others, you finally see yourself. Your authentic and true self, released from the shackles and heavy expectations of others. You finally see others as a soul and not box or a shape, You finally see we are all one and kindred in our core, Connected deeper than any shapes and boxes, Connected deeper than who society tells us to be, We feel each others hearts and know it speaks to each other through feeling, We connect to each others minds and know we are in tune with each other, We connect through our bodies and feel each other through warmth, We connect through our words and arts and feel passion and love for each other, When we feel with our soul rather than the what we think we know, we finally feel where we belong, And that belongingness is with each other as one. One heartbeat and one mind. One truth. And One love.
Storytelling.... This was my favourite thing to do as a young girl, This was my favourite thing to write. Ever since I was a child, I would get lost in the storybooks, In to the minds and literature of the beautiful creative writers, who always captivated my mind. Their ability to write, create, and tantalise the minds of their readers so deeply, immersing us in to the vastness of their imagination, With deep, enthralling, magical stories about valiant characters, heroes, superheroes, victims, lovers and villains, The scared mysteries and passions around love, The deeply throbbing longiness and emptiness within lovers hearts and minds after being separated away from each other, The adventures that took place by the brave, the strong and the fearless, The courageous souls who wanted to travel the land and explore the world far and wide, The heroic maidens who escaped rife, torture and persecution, The valiant soldiers who sacrificed their lives, families and bodies for their beliefs, The brave ones who made a changes to their dysfunctional families, The weak ones who became brave through challenges and turmoil, The unseen ones that became seen and heard, The lost ones that became found, The villains who became heroes and saved the world, The unseen and unsung heroes that sacrifice themselves for others, The healers, the artist, the sharers, the poets, the scribes who share their hearts through their art,
I always was a storyteller... Now I find myself here, being able to tell my own story, And maybe one day I will. About how I conquered everything that came against me and lived to tell the tale,
I always knew I was a storyteller - maybe one day you'll like to read my story.
Looking in to your eyes, I know you can read me and I can read you. I feel like you understand my thoughts feelings and actions without even saying a word and I can do the same to you.
That hug we had, felt like it lasted a lifetime. The tingly sensation and the speckles of small pulsating magnets between us made me feel like we were in a different reality. It felt like the angels were with us that day bringing us together. It felt so magical and magnetic that I felt like someone was pouring angel or fairy dust all over us. I didn't want to let you go and I felt like you didn't want to either too. Only one thing comes to mind, it was a soul hug. One that connected us through many lifetimes.
Two months I waited patiently. I lost my sister and all I wanted was to hug you again and lay in your arms. But you wasn't there.
Sometimes I wonder whether you felt it too. Whether you think of me and that moment. Whether it imprinted in your memory like it did mine. Whether you feel me too and whether you are still connected to me.
I've learnt not to give in to illusions and fantasies now. Until I see something tangible, I don't want to think too much. One thing I know is that hug was deep and meaningful. I hope it meant the same for you like it did for me.
Mimi wandered in to the earth like a baby earthling trying to find her legs. She was a graceful, peaceful fairy with billowing wings and surprisingly keen amount of fairy sparkles, glittering all around her. She wondered how she got here from the elemental world and the shining bright light of nod but accepted her fate and her current challenge of being in a completely different reality than what she was used to.
She seemed dazed, curious and frightened even, when she looked around her, watching the fast pacedness of human life. The honking cars in the city, the towering building large enough to collapse in any given moment. The mean and disgruntled people slamming past each other, always in a daze and unsurprisingly, always rushing to be somewhere. She stopped and gazed at this reality and wondered how different this world was to hers.
Her world was magical. It was a fairyland. It was a realm full of wonder, happiness, joy and mystery. A land where only happiness and joyfulness lived and everyone was in a state of complete ecstasy, bliss and love at all times. The main source was nod, a radiating force of joy emanating and rippling his energy in to the elemental realm. Everything was at peace, everything was happy and calm. Everything was slow paced, vivid and in a complete state of Utopia.
She missed her home and wanted to return back to her state of ultimate happiness but currently, couldn't see a way out.
Wandering down the lost, meandering road of life, one may question the reason for their existence, Are we stuck in a matrix? The quest for knowledge may bring you to the mystery of untold truths, hidden dimensions and multidimensional realms, One may seek the dormant, rich ancient histories, enthralled with revelations, intellect and guidance for those who crave answers, Ancient wisdom which spoke the truth of our purpose, our essence and our hidden abilities, The truth of our connection to source, his heart, his oneness, Our connection to each other and to all life, Our intertwined existence and co existence to each other, Our essence, our being all as one energy, The universal flow of energy aligned to every creature, plant and person at our core, Unified in all its glory and connection to our beautiful God, All glory and praise to he. The master and creator of all life, He who is unconditionally loving, warm and full of love for all his creations, Maybe gods light descend in to the minds of men, May gods love descend in to the hearts of men, May all hearts open and be unified as one, May Christ consciousness unveil on Earth, May we all be unified in gods hearts as one.
Where am I? Why am I here? The last thing I remember is being sat near a train station, drunk of alcohol, seeking for a miraculous channel of light to carry me home. Instead, I stuck in the bleak, drippy lanes of Hammersmith, yearning for a way back to the comfort of my own bed.
That's the last thing I remember but now I've woken up in a hospital bed. How did I get here? Was I attacked? Did I knock myself out? Did I fall asleep? What happened?
It all started off with a small elusive message, which created some sensual and intriguing interest between the two. This initial message led to a 6 year long passionate exchange of sensual messages, leaving a deep emotional, throbbing bond between the two without even meeting. The deep longing and intense desire grew between the two, year by year - craving the touch of each other through their intimate words. The sensuality of each other words and voice lay etched in each others memories, stuck in a life of fantasy and seduction.
Sadly, the fantasy came crashing down when one realised he was messing with multiple other women and probably using the same words and text with them.
The ending of that felt like the world crumbled beneath my feet, as my fantasy world ripped away in to a slumber. I felt I couldn't breathe and the world between us created for the last 6 years felt like it wasn't real.
He wasn't real. He was just a fantasy. A cheat and a liar. Now he will cry because he will never find anyone like me.
