I spent the whole day thinking of what I’d write.

What words would I say to you?

What would I focus on?

What would I say first?

Would I start with the fact that you lied,

You lied to my face?

How you said “I love you,”

How you made that promise,

And now are so clearly breaking it?

How everything I believed in was obviously an illusion?

How disoriented I am?

How I feel so unsure, so alone?

How terrifying it feels to realize I was so wrong about us?

I thought we were okay.

I thought we were doing better,

When the truth is that you were slipping away.

How many times did you say “I love you”

And know you didn’t mean it?

How long were you waiting for the perfect opportunity?

How long did you know you didn’t want me anymore?

When did you decide?

I spent the whole day thinking about it,

But I think I’ve realized now.

It doesn’t matter.

None of it matters.

There’s no point in picking myself apart,

Just to ease my disorientation.

No reason to dwell on all the “how”s,

All the “when”s.

We’re over.

It’s over.

But I’m not.

I don’t have to crumble just because my world did.

If you want nothing to do with me,

Then screw it.

There’s no point in hanging on to something that’s already turned to dust.