Sorrow
Shards of glass
Sticking in my throat
Splintering my heart
Wasps not
butterflies in my stomach
Stinging all my insides
Big black hole
Casting a shadow
Creating a void
Pain. Sorrow.
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Shards of glass
Sticking in my throat
Splintering my heart
Wasps not
butterflies in my stomach
Stinging all my insides
Big black hole
Casting a shadow
Creating a void
Pain. Sorrow.
This is so simple. And so beautiful. Great piece!
Okay, I think that this is really great writing. And I have a few suggestions but please remember that they are just suggestions so you can completely ignore then lol.
1) When you write “stinging all my insides” maybe you can make it more vivid. Perhaps, describe the type of stinging and what it reminds you of, maybe like the stinging in your nose right before you cry.
2) “Big black hole” could be a really strong line but it's not a strong image. Maybe “a big black hole;/ like the night sky, / except the stars don't/ shine here any more./ and it creates a void/ that casts a shadow/ over me./ Pain. Sorrow.
Hope this helps! Keep writing! You're great!